Why won’t my SIL who’s staying this week let me be alone in the AM?

[Kidsaretryingtodestroyme]

I’m pissed off anyway as DH gave me 3 days warning SIL and BIL were coming over from abroad for a week to stay.

Routine 1 disrupted: I’ve got an extremely demanding job, work 3 days from home and they are sleeping in back bedroom which is my office meaning I have to work from kitchen table.

Routine 2 disrupted: I’m a terrible sleeper so have a habit of going downstairs at 3am to make myself a hot drink in the hope it will make me go back to sleep. After day 1 she commented she heard me going downstairs i.e I woke her so I can’t go downstairs anymore so instead lie in my hot bedroom unable to settle.

Routine 3 disrupted: Every morning I try to get up and have a coffee before my 2 primary aged kids and DH get up (when I can as youngest is usually in my room for 6.30am). Just 5 minutes me time. This is because, probably connected to my poor sleeping , I’m pretty grumpy in the morning. I do not want to interact. However, as soon as she hears me stir in my room, getting up to put on my dressing gown she leaps out of bed to put kettle on and empty dishwasher. When I get downstairs she’s asking me if I slept well and other morning small talk bull shit. I’m seriously not in the mood today because due to the heat (which I love in the daytime) and being confined to my room at night being unable to wander I’ve had about 2 hours sleep.

Not a big overnight houseguests fan anyway as I can’t stand having to make myself look presentable as soon as I get up.

I just want to scream. Give me some fucking space in my kitchen for 5 -10 minutes so I can sort myself out and become a friendly person. Fuck off!!!!!! How do I get her to stay on her room for a bit in the AM without being rude? I’m so tired I know my tone will be off.

Your DH is a disrespectful twat. How did he think it was ok to offer your office space for a whole week without telling you until the last minute? What if you had a pile of work to get through and anticipated working really late?

Make sure the spare bedroom loses its bed asap after they leave and becomes 100% your office so there will never be a repeat of this with SIL and BIL or any other guests. They can all stay in an airbnb instead.

Go to your doctor about the insomnia.

Can't you tell them to get up earlier so you can work in your office? I've been a guest sleeping in someone's study/office and that was the deal, and it never occurred to me for a second to take offence at that. You're putting them up for free!

Also, melatonin capsules, they tell your body it's time for sleep. They worked for me when shed loads of diazepam enabled me to stay awake for 4 days.

I can’t believe your DH thought it was ok to give you three days notice of the family visit. I would have immediately booked either them or me into a nearby hotel.

Has your DH done his share of the cleaning and cooking during their stay?

"SIL, do feel free to lie in for a little while in the mornings. I'm not the best company first thing and need to come round slowly with my coffee. So there's no rush for you to get up and help"

I can vouch for magnesium as well! Good luck op.

I don’t think it’ll work for this visit, but in future, just be v. clear when they arrive that you need time on your own first thing. I’ve had to do this with my IL’s, they used to get up as soon as they heard anyone moving and come downstairs-so then I’d feel obliged to start making them breakfast and talk to them! It also disrupted the children’s getting-ready-for-school routine as they always visit during term time….even though I’ve asked DH to direct them towards the holidays!

On the first evening, I say that we’re rushing around getting ready between 6:30 and 7:30 so it’s best that they wait to come downstairs and avoid the chaos. It seems to have worked, they now come down to say goodbye to the children and I let DH make them breakfast. You also need to insist that your DH takes time off while his family is staying. 😄

It’s one week Op

Not a big overnight houseguests fan anyway

You're kidding.

.

Only joking, OP. I'd be exactly the same. I loathe having people to stay, and our house is pretty good at absorbing people, but I can't relax until they're gone again. Those pockets of alone time are essential.

Good luck!

What’s the background to this, why don’t they stay in a hotel? I am not a fan of hosting either, I don’t think it works unless all parties are happy about the arrangements. I also WFH 3 days per week, if guests arrived and took over my home office I would be absolutely stuck, I don’t have the option to go in for extra days as we pre-book our desk space.

Suck it up.

Why all the anger and drama they are only stopping a week not forever. Make the most of it or there’s going to be a terrible atmosphere in your home. Stay friendly it’s not their fault they are staying with you so think of your guests and try to be more welcoming. Routines are not set in stone and rigid they can be flexible. With your guests Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how they must feel if they can see they are not welcome or wanted in your home. I know it can be annoying but try and put everything in a positive light and the week will go so quickly. let us know how it all goes.

I would feel accused and offended by delivery of that sentence !

it’s not their fault they are staying with you

Oh but I think it is! Surely they could have stayed in a hotel or b&b?

If someone would empty my dishwasher for me I'd let them do anything they like! 😂

Get up and do whatever you want to in the night - if it wakes her up, maybe she won't be there so bright and perky when you get up in the morning.

Is there space to set up an office space in your bedroom, or one of the children's? gives you a bolt hole to escape for peace & quiet.

Omg you totally sound like me with the 2 nights, 3 days thing. Been there sister! I function on naps. Naps are important to my quality of life 😄

2, carry on as you normally do. 3, tell her you like quiet and time to yourself in the morning and you'll catch up later

They might have spent a lot of money on flights to come and see you guys. From their perspective they might feel like they are making an effort to spend time with you.

If they are getting vibes that they aren’t welcome, it will make them feel really uncomfortable. If it wasn’t ok for them to stay, you/DH should have let them know.

Since they are staying, you should try to make the best of it. It’s not their fault - all they have done is ask to stay and been told yes. I agree with the others that you should get up freely in the night and find a way to be alone in the mornings. Try to be gracious and put yourself in their shoes.

I am you. This sich would be my own personal nightmare. Obviously I don’t know you but I’m very close to offering you a place to stay (we have air conditioning) and a bean to cup coffee machine, a patio and no one is making the conversation before 10am.

hang in there, this is shitty and feel for you.

Erm. It's only a week though...

This. I'm sorry you don't sleep well OP but seriously - it's just house guests for a week that you probably won't see again for ages.

I really think you should try to be a better host.

Explain your "routines" to your guests. They will feel much more comfortable and welcome if they are able to fit in with them.

Get a kettle or coffee machine for your bedroom, it's an absute game changer & you can have your coffee in peace before going downstairs. When they have gone home grab your dh by the balls & tell him if he invites them to stay again he will be wearing his balls as earrings.

If you can’t sleep and need to go downstairs at 3 a.m., then do it. If you try to be quiet and they hear you anyway, well, your routine has already been disrupted by their presence, it’s your house, and they will just have to get used to it JUST LIKE YOU HAVE HAD TO GET USED TO NOT BEING ABLE TO WORK IN YOUR OWN OFFICE ( I find THAT absolutely outrageous and wonder if that would be okay with your husband if HE was the one who had to give up the office.)

It DOES sound as if SIL is trying to be a thoughtful guest, though, so just explain patiently that LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE, you are grumpy in the morning before your first cup of coffee, and it isn’t personal if you don’t talk much.

Maybe they will all learn learn from this, and next time be more considerate of YOUR needs.Especially DH.