Why won’t my SIL who’s staying this week let me be alone in the AM?

[Kidsaretryingtodestroyme]

I’m pissed off anyway as DH gave me 3 days warning SIL and BIL were coming over from abroad for a week to stay.

Routine 1 disrupted: I’ve got an extremely demanding job, work 3 days from home and they are sleeping in back bedroom which is my office meaning I have to work from kitchen table.

Routine 2 disrupted: I’m a terrible sleeper so have a habit of going downstairs at 3am to make myself a hot drink in the hope it will make me go back to sleep. After day 1 she commented she heard me going downstairs i.e I woke her so I can’t go downstairs anymore so instead lie in my hot bedroom unable to settle.

Routine 3 disrupted: Every morning I try to get up and have a coffee before my 2 primary aged kids and DH get up (when I can as youngest is usually in my room for 6.30am). Just 5 minutes me time. This is because, probably connected to my poor sleeping , I’m pretty grumpy in the morning. I do not want to interact. However, as soon as she hears me stir in my room, getting up to put on my dressing gown she leaps out of bed to put kettle on and empty dishwasher. When I get downstairs she’s asking me if I slept well and other morning small talk bull shit. I’m seriously not in the mood today because due to the heat (which I love in the daytime) and being confined to my room at night being unable to wander I’ve had about 2 hours sleep.

Not a big overnight houseguests fan anyway as I can’t stand having to make myself look presentable as soon as I get up.

I just want to scream. Give me some fucking space in my kitchen for 5 -10 minutes so I can sort myself out and become a friendly person. Fuck off!!!!!! How do I get her to stay on her room for a bit in the AM without being rude? I’m so tired I know my tone will be off.

I would tell her, kindly, that you really need that 30 minutes with your first coffee by yourself just to set you up for the day.
I'm sure she will understand, it's really difficult for sil to know what is expected of her in your home, especially if she feels a bit like an uninvited guest. Due to DH lack of communication.
I whole heartedly sympathise with you, it makes me want to cry when people unexpectedly intrude into my alone time.

I totally get it OP, I would hate it too, DH would know better than to pull a stroke like that, no way would I ever put up with it. I am often up and have a cuppa between 1-3am, just carry on as you normally would, it’s your home,if SIL doesn’t like it they can book into a hotel for the rest of their visit.

You are like me, esp on the morning leave me alone for 5 minutes front; except for me it is 3 coffees! I tell our guests. They understand and they generally respect it.

She gets up to empty the dishwasher and chat? Sounds like she's trying to help out but doesn't realise she's accidentally aggravating you. You could just say, 'I really struggle with mornings. Do you mind giving me 20 mins in the morn on my own so I can have a coffee and start my day properly'. If she's a nice person, she'll respect that.

I wish I had a relationship with my SIL! I get a text maybe once or twice a year. Maybe we should swop? 😂

Yabu. They are only staying for a week it is not the end of the world if your routine is a bit disturbed. Your sil seems helpful if she has dishwasher empty and coffee ready when you are up.

This. And take your morning coffee back to bed. I'd be the same as you op.

I cannot believe people are saying you are unreasonable. What on earth was your husband doing disrupting your whole routine with only 3 days notice?

3 days notice that you won't have access to your usual workplace?

I suggest you grin & bear it until they leave and then make it clear that unplanned visitors will not be accommodated in the future.

I get you, I’d be the same, but YABU. And I would be too.

Why can't they stay in a hotel, your dh was massively disrespectful

Ahhh, OP this is a really divided one. To be honest, both YABU and YANBU are correct. I 100% get where you’re coming from, I despise people staying because I’m a creature of habit, I’d hit the roof of my DH gave me a few days notice of family staying for a week and I also work from home so it would be a nightmare. But on the other hand, they live abroad, he doesn’t see them often and it’s only a week.
you’ve every right to feel your feelings, and I’d be feeling the same, but looking in from the outside the best advice I could offer is-quietly let yourself feel your rage privately, but plaster on a smile for the week and keep telling yourself it’ll all be over soon.
Then once they’ve gone, tell your DH that while it was lovely to see your in laws, he’s not to ever throw you into a situation like that with no notice again-not least because with working from home it’s a massive intrusion on your work, so you need time to make arrangements

It's your house / life.
If your DH agreed to this arrangement but you're not happy about it, the obvious solution is to check into a small local hotel for the duration and bill it directly to him.

And then have a wonderful mini break whilst he deals with the kids, runs the house, accommodates guests and has a decent sized credit card bill at month end!

I guarantee he'll think twice and consult you next time he makes the offer for his family to stay...

I voted YABU because if you need to make a cup of tea in the night to settle, then so be it. You should have ignored her passive aggressive “oh I can hear you” nonsense. They are guests in your house. It’s not a hotel! And if it were a hotel they’d hear plenty of noise they couldn’t control.

Crikey you reallllllllllly don't like her, so you? And she clearly knows it....

Liking her or not is irrelevant surely, 7 days is way too long to host

Just get up at night like you normally do

if it wakes her or annoys her, she can go to a hotel

And yes, DH gets you coffee in bed

Perhaps she is similar to you, waking in the night, wanting to go downstairs but not daring to as it is someone else's house. She may be laid there waiting, itching to get up, but not doing so until she hears someone else stir.

I hate lying in, I'm awake at 6 and want a cuppa and some toast... even when I stay with other people, or in a hotel with DH who awakes at 9!!!.

I'd keep making a drink in the night and be as loud as possible. Then she'll wake up, fail to get back to sleep for a while and then wake up later in the morning so you get your 5 mins alone time.

Or she'll get fed up and leave early. Bonus either way.

I think this also. If you’re awful in the mornings (I am too) get yourself straight into the shower for 10 mins. Then you’ve had that little bit of peace before having to interact.

I’m not great in the mornings, but you sound really difficult to be around OP, it’s only a week. Give her a bit of grace

It does sound like she’s trying to be helpful but just not quite getting it.
Your husband was way out of order, giving hardly any notice was bad enough but to give away your office was awful. I hope he understands how wrong that was. Some people really don’t understand that if you wfh your home office is your place of work and your work time is exactly that.

Routine 2 disrupted: I’m a terrible sleeper so have a habit of going downstairs at 3am to make myself a hot drink in the hope it will make me go back to sleep. After day 1 she commented she heard me going downstairs i.e I woke her so I can’t go downstairs anymore so instead lie in my hot bedroom unable to settle.

Dont stop doing this. She is on holiday so doesn’t have to face a day in work etc unlike you- she can catch up later. More importantly it’s your home you aren’t on holiday - in fact you’re trying to work and tbh if she can’t respect that then they should have gone to a hotel or Air BnB. I assume you’re letting her stay in what is your office work space and free of charge so she should respect the impact on you.

Ensure your dh understands this and make clear the impact on you and suggests he has a word with his sister and also make sure he doesn’t invite her again a) without running it past you first and b) (assuming they come again) making it clear that the house will be “running” as normal while they are staying and please respect the family’s normal routines - and if she can’t well here’s a few Air B&Bs locally .

Annoyingkidmusic, she's difficult to be around? Descending on someone else in a house not big enough to happily accommodate you is what I call being difficult to be around

When DD comes home to stay I am eager to talk to her in the mornings. She grunts, makes coffee, takes it to her room and shuts the door! Only after half an hour or so will she interact. So I suggest you do the same.

Feel sorry for your SIL. She must be uncomfortable at yours.No ones stopping you from having a drink at 3 am if you want. Your SIL is being helpful shes unloaded the dishwasher and put the kettle on. I think you are one of those people wholl complain about their DH's relatives anyway. If it was your sister, would you be reacting the same way?

Lets hope that someone does the same to you when you go and stay at theirs. What a awful & cruel suggestion to make

There is no way I'd complain about being woken in the night if I was a guest, she sounds a bit precious