AIBU to think my dd is overweight

[HappyMom1122]

My 15 year old daughter is 6'2 and 220 lbs. I definitely think she is overweight. But, my daughter insists that she is not overweight and she does quite good at basketball. She says that she's athletic. She also claims that she's quite as fast as her teammates(which I think she actually is).

But, the number is too high to believe that she isn't overweight. Also, her basketball coach also thinks she's perfectly healthy.

AIBU to think she is overweight?

How much would one need to have going on in their life to lack capacity to care about their daughter?

It was relevant to be clear in this instance and I used language I chose to describe myself, it’s neither your job not appreciated for you to police the way I talk about myself

It was relevant to be clear in this instance

How? A trans woman does not have a uterus so can’t have endo. Woman was entirely sufficient. Gender identity doesn’t come into it.

Sometimes I think I would love mn a lot more if you could block individual posters instead of just hiding discussion boards and threads to avoid the terf contingent having to stick their big stirring spoons in at every opportunity

it’s like having rats but you can’t just set the dog on them to stop them shitting everywhere

I’m sure the PP meant endocrinologist - don’t males have hormones too?

Leave her alone.You are making barbs that are hitting the target inside even if she's not showing she's hurt by your comments.

Just leave her alone, she's active and sounds like she is happy with her body.

All the fat phobia and body shaming on this thread is depressing.

If you tell her she's over weight or needs to lose weight op you see are sowing the seeds for poor body image and an eating disorder.

I have a teen with an ED and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, it's horrific and all it takes is weight loss to let it take hold.

Misread as “with endo” rather than “to endo”. Thanks for pointing that out.

Still, I don’t think there would have been any misunderstand that that poster was biologically female without the “cis” adding on. It’s very naive to think that that isn’t a loaded statement to make.

Why is it tough for you?

It’s myself I am describing. If you want to have a temper about it being used to describe you then be my guest but I am a cis woman and choose to describe myself as such when I think it’s relevant.

you don’t have to like it but maybe stop derailing this thread and go and make one moaning about me on the board I’ve had to hide so that I can enjoy mn without it being spoiled by people like you.

It can be very tough for a parent to worry their child may be unhealthy and we are constantly advised being OW is unhealthy. Would you question why it was tough if she was worried her daughter was significantly underweight, as all that matters is that the daughter is happy with her body?

Her daughter is highly active, slightly overweight but confident and athletic, and has an athletic trainer telling her she's in great shape. I don't think that would be the cause for significant worry, no.

It certainly wouldn't lead me to bringing up with her constantly (at an age when women often develop serious eating disorders) or posting repeatedly about it on mums net.

If she were 5'2" and 220 lbs and inactive, you might have a point. As it stands, this seems much more about the OP and her body hangups than about her daughter's health.

You are not unreasonable for thinking she is overweight, but you are unreasonable to tell her so..

I worried that my DD was overweight, but rather than telling her, and giving her a complex, we got into healthy eating, a lot of walking, and drinking tons of water. In the last three months, we have lost quite a few pounds between us. I wasn't overweight before we started this but I didn't want her to go through it alone.

Instead of focusing on her weight, why not focus on ways that she could eat healthy? Because that was the angle I came from as I did not want my child to have a complex.

Please stop arguing with your daughter about her body, not only is this strange, it will not help her self esteem, in the long run.

Ahh nothing like a bit of fat shaming from your own mother to set you up for a life time of self esteem issues, and things that may actually lead to weight gain and an unhealthy relationship with food (eg bingeing, restriction and a big heap of shame). Leave her alone. She's fit and healthy, and your attitude is way more damaging than any excess weight she may or may not be carrying

What is your desired outcome from telling her she is overweight?!

You called?

220lbs is 15st 7lbs

It's absolutely not the case that someone overweight will put on a stone per year.

The best predictor of long-term weight gain is dieting.

So many women have been locked into destructive and painful cycles of dieting from teen or even pre-teen age all the way through their adult lives and have paid for it with ruined health (mental and physical) usually ending up heavier.

A teenage girl who is sporty and active and has a positive body image while also overweight is probably far better off than one who isn't overweight but feels negatively about her body and hears from her mother that being overweight is terrible or a failure.

There are worse things than being overweight in life. Attaching so much shame and panic and weird obsessive projections of future weight gain will damage a child more than them being overweight.

Someone who feels loved and accepted, who loves and accepts themselves and enjoys exercise is much more likely to be happy and healthy than someone who feels judged and ashamed of their weight.

15 stone 10 lbs, isn't it? If 14 lbs is a stone, then 140 lbs is ten stone. So 210 lbs is fifteen stone. So 220 lbs is fifteen stone and ten pounds.

@LetHimHaveIt you are right it is 15st 10lb

If this is true I don’t know how those posters saying OP’s DD is healthy can post that with such certainty when the growth charts say "Children whose growth lies on these outer lines are likely to have additional clinical problems, and if not already receiving medical attention should be referred" and “Children plotting above this line should usually be under specialist review”. Although the OP isn’t going about things in the right way.

For professional athletes maybe, for the rest of us it’s still a good starting point.

I mean that reads like the blurb from a child growth chart in the red book alluding to referring for a Failure to Thrive or for a Prader-Willi or Marfans type picture.

At 15 OP’s DD is likely some considerable way through puberty and is also clearly incredibly tall, I’m not sure she’d need referring to paeds at her age or height.

She just needs to be left to get on with her healthy, happy life of sport and being comfortable in herself.

I completely, completely agree with you.

A happy, sporty teenager who is comfortable with her body and appearance is a precious, precious thing and should not be messed with. Her mother needs to stop looking for problems where there are none, or she will create them for her daughter herself.