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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my dd is overweight

235 replies

HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 06:49

My 15 year old daughter is 6'2 and 220 lbs. I definitely think she is overweight. But, my daughter insists that she is not overweight and she does quite good at basketball. She says that she's athletic. She also claims that she's quite as fast as her teammates(which I think she actually is).

But, the number is too high to believe that she isn't overweight. Also, her basketball coach also thinks she's perfectly healthy.

AIBU to think she is overweight?

OP posts:
SagaNorenLansrimMalmo · 09/07/2022 07:43

I’ve no idea what you do about it though…

Sausagedognamedmash · 09/07/2022 07:43

You need to back down. You will end up giving her lift long body issues if you continue to foist your opinion on her. Yes, her BMI falls into the overweight category, however as she is of an athletic build and plays a lot of sport, that is somewhat to be expected. A body fat calculation would be better to determine where she actually sits but honestly, she is 17, if she is happy with her body as it is, do not encourage her to obsess over numbers it is not healthy for anyone.

LetHimHaveIt · 09/07/2022 07:44

6 ft 2 is incredibly tall for a woman. I sincerely doubt she's 'fat' at that height.

Sausagedognamedmash · 09/07/2022 07:44

*15, sorry.

Original poster
HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 07:45

Caiti19 · 09/07/2022 07:00

Are you in the U.K.? It's generally not a great idea to debate overweight status with your child. If she's active and has a healthy diet, please get off her case before she develops a negative body image. Don't keep too much junk food in the house. She's still a child and you're still largely in control of what's available to eat.

Well, we don't keep much junk food at our house. And she doesn't eat much junk food as well.

OP posts:
Zoeslatesttrope · 09/07/2022 07:47

ShirleyPhallus · 09/07/2022 07:35

My god, imagine the issues you’d have if your mum posted a photo of you on a forum to ask people if they thought you were fat?!

Show quote history

This.
What is wrong with you? Just stop and apologise to her. You will definitely give her an eating disorder if you haven't already.

420Bruh · 09/07/2022 07:48

Is she white? BMI is a much less effective measurement for women of other races. I think you're very overinvested and you're going to alienate her.

You must be very thin yourself at 145 and 5'9"?

Original poster
HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 07:48

Flangelica · 09/07/2022 07:03

Why are you arguing with your daughter when she says she isn't overweight and telling her that she is? This is si bizarre. Are you trying to give her an eating disorder???

As a parent, I think you're bound to raise concerns with your teens if you think something is going wrong.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 09/07/2022 07:50

BMI is based on populations, there will be some individuals outside the mainstream grouping but perfectly healthy.

She's clearly a big, strong woman. She's clearly very fit and active, and eats well.

The most important thing is to make it easy for her to stay active as she grows up, so she doesn't become an inactive adult.

Making her self conscious about her size is unlikely to help with that.

MadameMinimes · 09/07/2022 07:50

@Auslaenderin I had a look at the England rugby squad. The vast majority are over 100 kgs and those that are under 100 kgs were mostly also under 6’ tall. Some are as short as 5’7". I could only find two who were over 6’ tall but under 100kgs on the whole squad.

parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 07:50

Ah I read your post about her clothes yesterday.

Why are you so determined to post the height/weight of your daughter online?

Original poster
HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 07:51

MadameMinimes · 09/07/2022 07:22

OP- you’ve posted about this before if I recall correctly?
Your daughter is athletic and active and her basketball coach is happy with her physical conditioning. I seem to recall that she competes in basketball at quite a high level. Leave her alone and stop going on about her weight.

Uhh, sorry. I haven't posted this before.

She plays basketball for her school and she infact is quite good.

OP posts:
parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 07:52

MadameMinimes · 09/07/2022 07:23

The OP posted a picture before. The daughter looked very tall and athletic, not fat.

Oh god. I thought the multiple threads were bad enough.

Original poster
HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 07:52

MadameMinimes · 09/07/2022 07:23

The OP posted a picture before. The daughter looked very tall and athletic, not fat.

No, I didn't post a picture before.

OP posts:
parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 07:53

Uhh, sorry. I haven't posted this before.

You posted yesterday. The exact measurements.

OperaStation · 09/07/2022 07:53

She’s a 15 year old who plays a bit of basketball. She’s not an athlete.

With her measurements she is considered “very overweight” by the NHS BMI calculator.

MadameMinimes · 09/07/2022 07:54

So you’re not the poster who lives in the states with the 6’2” tall daughter who plays basketball who was worried about her being too heavy and posted photos before?

Apologies! You may want to have a look for that old thread as you’re likely to get very similar advice to that poster.

TheAverageUser · 09/07/2022 07:54

We can't tell because although her BMI is slightly high if she's very muscular then it wouldn't matter.

I can tell you that talking to your DD about her weight in this way is not a good idea, she's just at the age to get an eating disorder so directly questioning her weight like this is dangerous.

Original poster
HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 07:58

HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 07:52

No, I didn't post a picture before.

Show quote history

I didn't post a picture. I posted about clothings.

Look at the message I replied to.

OP posts:
hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 09/07/2022 07:58

YANBU to think she is overweight and try to implement healthier food choices at home. Perhaps taking her for a health check up to make sure everything is okay with her health wise.

YABVVVVVVVU to talk to your daughter like that. She is 15 and at her age at a great risk of developing an eating disorder. You sound unkind.

LetHimHaveIt · 09/07/2022 07:59

MadameMinimes · 09/07/2022 07:50

@Auslaenderin I had a look at the England rugby squad. The vast majority are over 100 kgs and those that are under 100 kgs were mostly also under 6’ tall. Some are as short as 5’7". I could only find two who were over 6’ tall but under 100kgs on the whole squad.

Yep.

Original poster
HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 07:59

parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 07:53

Uhh, sorry. I haven't posted this before.

You posted yesterday. The exact measurements.

That was about finding clothes.

OP posts:
parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 07:59

I didn't post a picture. I posted about clothings.

Look at the message I replied to.

I did. It didn't mention picture.

parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 08:00

That was about finding clothes.

Right. So you have posted it before.

Daisy03 · 09/07/2022 08:03

Unless she's a power lifter then yes she's extremely overweight.
All those who try to discredit bmi as not valid because of muscle need to consider how much muscle you'd need to have to make the calculation invalid. In most cases it's a good rough gauge