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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my dd is overweight

235 replies

HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 06:49

My 15 year old daughter is 6'2 and 220 lbs. I definitely think she is overweight. But, my daughter insists that she is not overweight and she does quite good at basketball. She says that she's athletic. She also claims that she's quite as fast as her teammates(which I think she actually is).

But, the number is too high to believe that she isn't overweight. Also, her basketball coach also thinks she's perfectly healthy.

AIBU to think she is overweight?

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 09/07/2022 09:45

You've posted about your daughter's weight before, haven't you?

How did you get on with the advice from your last thread?

Vampirethriller · 09/07/2022 09:46

You've posted this at least twice before.

Original poster
HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 09:47

Vampirethriller · 09/07/2022 09:46

You've posted this at least twice before.

Posted what? I just posted once about clothing. Nothing else. Come on.

OP posts:
LargeLegoHaul · 09/07/2022 09:49

HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 09:44

Nope.

Show quote history

What a very strange coincidence. Another poster with a very similar name and similar problem down to the basketball, coach and clothing problem. How bizarre!

EarringsandLipstick · 09/07/2022 09:49

HappyMom1122 · 09/07/2022 09:16

So, honestly, if yall think my approach would lead her to eating disorder or something, how would yall approach in this scenerio?

How can you solve this problem if my dd thinks it's not a problem?

I told you.

Discuss with your GP or whatever the correct term is in the US

EarringsandLipstick · 09/07/2022 09:51

trailrunner85 · 09/07/2022 09:43

BMI is a completely pointless measurement for athletes, because it's not designed for people with a higher than average degree of muscle mass

Can we please stop this nonsense? Firstly, OPs daughter is not a professional athlete. Secondly, even if she was, the vast majority of athletes are still well within a healthy BMI.
Choose the most muscular female athlete you can think of. Nicola Adams, the boxer? Less than 8st at 5ft 4. Jessica Ennis? 9st at 5ft 7. Caster Semenya? 11st at 5ft 10. All well within a healthy BMI.

Even going back years, to Fatima Whitbread - butt of several jokes for being big - and she was 10st 10 at 5ft 6ins.

Are we seriously saying the OPs 15-year-old has more muscle mass than this lot and therefore BMI doesn't apply?

That said, OP, there are ways and means to help your daughter, and gently supporting her to eat well and keep exercising is the best one. Making her feel insecure will only exacerbate the problem.

Excellent post.

Mummadeze · 09/07/2022 09:51

If she does a lot of exercise and feels good about herself I would leave her be.

CecilyP · 09/07/2022 09:52

OP will definitely look very thin at her height and at around 10 stoneish

Will she? Her height is not far above average and her weight is also pretty average.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/07/2022 09:54

I'm going to post this again because it seems to have been missed.

OP's DD is really tall. 6ft2in at 15. That does mean that some of the usual expectation around weight may differ.

Someone else asked about her ethnicity - that is also relevant.

In terms of weight, she is overweight. Without a doubt. It doesn't mean she's not fit or athletic.

However, it is worth discussing her weight in an appropriate place (not the Internet), taking her exact physiological make up into account.

So - a doctor & possibly endocrinologist.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 09/07/2022 09:57

Firstly please don’t go on at her about her weight and kick off a multitude of life long weight and food issues . Your daughter and her coach say she isn’t so she’s not!

secondly BMI is so outdated don’t use it! I’m just over 5ft but my BMI would say I’m overweight, when actually I’m a size 6-8 and all muscle. Which I suspect your daughter is too. Back off!

Miajk · 09/07/2022 09:58

Surely this depends on multiple factors? How muscular is she actually?

Is she curvy?

She's a teen and as long as she's eating healthy and exercising (which she already is) I would leave it - her appetite must be quite high as she's still growing and she needs the energy.

Lots of people in their teens drop the weight naturally once they're done actually developing. BMI is a good rough estimate but it's not a be all and end all since there genuinely are people who can weigh a lot but it goes in the right places.

LetHimHaveIt · 09/07/2022 09:59

'Her height is not far above average'

You what? It's five or six inches above average.

Miajk · 09/07/2022 09:59

PatientlyWaiting21 · 09/07/2022 09:57

Firstly please don’t go on at her about her weight and kick off a multitude of life long weight and food issues . Your daughter and her coach say she isn’t so she’s not!

secondly BMI is so outdated don’t use it! I’m just over 5ft but my BMI would say I’m overweight, when actually I’m a size 6-8 and all muscle. Which I suspect your daughter is too. Back off!

Agreed, the coach will be more informed than the OP anyway so OP should probably just realize she's being pretty stubborn in a horrible way.

RJnomore1 · 09/07/2022 10:00

If you did post that thread you’d be better checking why you’ve gained 50 lbs yourself.

Leave her alone. My mother went on and on about my weight. Only now in my 40s do I realise it was because she was never happy with herself and she passed it onto me. I have a shocking relationship with food thanks to her.

You say she doesn’t eat much junk food and she’s active. Keep her and you focused on that.

Can’t you just be proud of her for herself than have to focus on what you perceive as her faults and flaws?

EarringsandLipstick · 09/07/2022 10:01

secondly BMI is so outdated don’t use it!

BMI has its limitations for sure but it's not without use as an initial gauge.

It may not work for everyone, including the OP's daughter given her height but broadly speaking, if your BMI is saying you are overweight, you are.

justasoul · 09/07/2022 10:03

Well, there’s no denying that OP’s daughter is overweight but my PT has introduced me to this machine at the gym that reads your body composition and I found it fascinating. It has a graph based on your muscle score and fat percentage and that has different categories - and it puts me in the ‘solid build’ category, even though I’m very obese, because I also have a lot of muscle mass.

It might be useful for your daughter (and especially for you, OP) to see what her weight is made of?

bluebell34567 · 09/07/2022 10:04

Auslaenderin · 09/07/2022 07:25

220 lbs is over 99 kilos. If you look at the English mens rugby team, many of the players are around 6’2 in height but only the forwards weigh over 100 kilos. The wingers and the backs are around the 92 kilo mark.

A 15 year old girl who weighs 99 kilos is definitely overweight. Let’s stop deluding ourselves with all this “athletes weigh more” talk.

agree.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 09/07/2022 10:08

I think you could benefit from some counselling.

DD has a different body shape to you and always will.

I understand your warped thinking because I can relate to that type of thinking.

I'm a recovered aneroxic I never weight myself but once my jeans get tight I'll up my fitness, and if my jeans feel loose I'll up my calories.

I'm still controlling it in a healthier way

I'm a healthy size 8 no more no less.

My DD could have been born like her Dad, tall broad stocky frame. (A bit overweight) I'll be honest I was glad she arrived petite and likewise DS could have been born petite but took after Dad.

If she had been I'd keep my comments to myself.

NoSquirrels · 09/07/2022 10:08

If you didn’t post that 2019 thread, then read it and take the advice and action that mother was going to about seeing an endocrinologist to rule out a medical issue.

StClare101 · 09/07/2022 10:11

My husband is an inch taller and weighs 95 kilos at the moment which for him is about 5 kilos overweight. I would suggest she is likely to be overweight and needs to consider her portion size and food choices.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 09/07/2022 10:12

Oh come off it Grin

MrsOwainGlyndŵr · 09/07/2022 10:15

Oh come on! Even at 6' plus, 15 stone is overweight!

Your DD will know this though, and if she's denying it, there's not a lot you can to by going on about it.
You need to be there to support her when she eventually decides for herself she needs to slim down a bit.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 09/07/2022 10:15

@LargeLegoHaul it's really, really strange, isn't it? Such a huge and completely inexplicable coincidence. Grin

NanFlanders · 09/07/2022 10:22

Speaking as the mother of a child with anorexia, please don't do this to your daughter. Stop talking about weight - feed her a healthy diet with lots of fruit and veg. Don't have junk food around the house - and keep encouraging the sports.

zingally · 09/07/2022 10:23

My parents went on and on at my older sister about her weight. From her mid-teens, until her early 30s, when I basically had to step in and tell them that if they wanted to continue to have a relationship with her, they needed to stop.

Surprise, surprise, she's still big. 20 years of parental moaning made exactly zero dent in her weight, and only succeeded in damaging their relationship.