AIBU to think my dd is overweight

[HappyMom1122]

My 15 year old daughter is 6'2 and 220 lbs. I definitely think she is overweight. But, my daughter insists that she is not overweight and she does quite good at basketball. She says that she's athletic. She also claims that she's quite as fast as her teammates(which I think she actually is).

But, the number is too high to believe that she isn't overweight. Also, her basketball coach also thinks she's perfectly healthy.

AIBU to think she is overweight?

I don’t think that it’s particularly a problem to solve now but following EmeraldShamrock’s post I would be wary of her putting more weight on. I would just keep encouraging her with the basketball as well as any complementary sporting and other activities as when she’s active and busy she won’t be eating. You can also try to provide filling but lower calorie meals for her and try to discourage snacking.

At 15 there isn’t much you can do to ‘help’ her lose weight. If you nag her about it, it will almost certainly make things so much worse and lead to a lifetime cycle of overeating and dieting.

The best you can do is role model healthy behaviour, facilitate her exercise and healthy diet, and encourage and support her for who she is.

If she’s happy and body confident, and feels loved and not shamed, she’ll find her own way.

I was writing about the mum who is 5 ft 9, not the daughter who is indeed very tall!

Just leave her alone. She's tall so of course will be heavier.
Everyone is different. Shes active and you say she doesn't eat much junk
Accept its who she is

LEAVE HER ALONE

You sound like you have some major issues with your daughter, your obsession with her weight is unhealthy and damaging.

Average female is 5'3.5 so she is 10.5" above average. I am 6'1" and very overweight but always thought it was unfair that BMI did not take into account your frame. Someone told me once there is no such thing as' big boned' but I dispute that. I have size 11 feet. I know tall women with size 7's. My hands are enormous and my shoulders broad. These things make a difference.
I agree with advice to not make a thing of it and just try and easy as healthily as you can at home. She will be fine whilst physically active. Her problem will be when she is more sedentary and the muscle turns to fat.

What suspicious minds you have! Is this about a thread a PP linked to? If OP is American (and it sounds like she is) she’d hardly have been using the metric system!

Her problem will be when she is more sedentary and the muscle turns to fat.

Yes ‘this is important. Keep encouraging and praising her for her sporting achievements so she takes them forward beyond school. Maybe there are other activities she’d like to try that you could also encourage.

The Op posted an identical thread a few months ago. She also included a photograph of a girl who she claimed was her daughter
MN deleted the thread.

@thebutcherswife and if you posted saying rocks don't weigh more than feathers you'd be laughed off the internet...

@GrazingSheep I remember that thread very clearly too. A US based mum in the south (I have a hazy memory that they said they were in Texas) with a very tall teenage daughter that the mum thought was overweight but the basketball coach thought was fine. The mother posted a photo of her daughter with other girls the same age who were much shorter and of slighter build. The daughter was tall and solidly built but clearly not fat. Then the thread went poof.

I remember it.

@CecilyP the average height for a U.K. female is 5'4. OP is 5'9, that's 5 inches difference, that is NOT near the average at all fgs.

If she’s managing to keep up with team sports and her coach isn’t worried when she asked them then you have your answer. Calm the fuck down.

bmi is a useful but blunt tool especially for those at either end of the height spectrum or those who are very sporty.

I would second/third/fourth asking your dr for a refer to endo, I am a cis woman with very high testosterone levels (I couldn’t compete in some olympic disciplines without taking medication to lower my natural testosterone) I lay down muscle mass very quickly with relatively little effort and have been heavier than my peers since toddlerhood while also fit, active and eating well.

BMI places me as obese and while I could lose a little healthily I will never be in a ‘healthy’ bmi because I lift weights and have unmedicated high testosterone. I work out everyday and could deadlift most people in a healthy weight range without breaking a sweat so I’m not worried and neither is my dr

my cardiovascular health is significantly better than most people in the ‘healthy’ weight range because I get my heart rate up almost every day.

there is more to health than bmi

NHS BMI calculator says yes.

I am 6'1" and very overweight but always thought it was unfair that BMI did not take into account your frame

Except it does. That's why the BMI range is so huge. For someone of my height I can weigh between approx 8st and 11st and be in the healthy range. If I had huge feet and very broad shoulders, 11st might look about right on me. As it is, I have size 7 feet and hover around 9st. The fact I could put on 2st and still be healthy seems a bit nuts. Particularly because when I was that weight, I was visibly fat - though I can see why people of a different build to me would look great.

Isnt it funny how when people always argue that BMI doesn't take into account build, it's always to argue that they're big boned/ have large feet/ have large shoulders/carry more muscle, so it should go higher. You don't get that many people with small hands and size 2 feet saying BMI should go lower, do you..

Not sure what you’re trying to say here. A kilo is still a kilo…

I think you need to leave her alone.

And all these 5’2 women on the thread with no lived experience of being in a tall womens body who are convinced she must be grotesque and “very overweight” need to pipe down. I think the person above who said that BMI is less useful at the extremes of height was possibly correct.

I’m 6ft and weigh 204lbs making my BMI 27.7 - very similar to the OP‘s daughter proportionally. At this weight I have visible hip bones, all of the bones and musculature of my shoulders and neck area are totally visible with relaxed posture (clavicles, suprasternal notch, etc), the outline of my ribs are seen and easily felt through the skin of my chest wall, my shoulder blades protrude, as does my spine and I can feel my coccyx and ischium making contact with a hard chair when I sit down. I am told that I look very tall and slim and that “there’s nothing on you” in terms of fat/weight.

Its nothing to do with how she looks or how fit she is. Her BMI puts her in the upper range of OW category. It's really not a matter of opinion, its a matter of fact, so I can't see what the debate is really.

You’re going to ruin your relationship with her and ruin her relationship with food.
Make healthy high protein meals and snacks and do activities together so she’s not boredom snacking.

the average height for a U.K. female is 5'4. OP is 5'9, that's 5 inches difference, that is NOT near the average at all fgs.

5'4 might be the average height for women in the UK though taking other countries into consideration, average height for a women is 5'7.

UK and Irish women are smaller than average height.

Average daily calories at 2000 for women is based on a fit woman approximately 5'7.

Whereas anyone under 5'4 only needs 1600 calories.

My Dsis 5'2 was convinced a woman's daily calories was 2000 at her height.

@EmeraldShamrock1 do you have a source for that? I think it’s actually about 5’3” worldwide. Yes some countries are taller than UK but there’s many about the same and lower

Indeed. At 5' 4", so did I for years. I thought i was 'big built' and 'naturally' fatter. Two stone down, fit as a fiddle, and BMI of 21 now I've finally caught on!

I would second/third/fourth asking your dr for a refer to endo, I am a cis woman with very high testosterone levels

Woman will suffice, we know what one is without putting cis in front.

Just leave her be. Have you got enough going on in your own life ?