AIBU to think my dd is overweight

[HappyMom1122]

My 15 year old daughter is 6'2 and 220 lbs. I definitely think she is overweight. But, my daughter insists that she is not overweight and she does quite good at basketball. She says that she's athletic. She also claims that she's quite as fast as her teammates(which I think she actually is).

But, the number is too high to believe that she isn't overweight. Also, her basketball coach also thinks she's perfectly healthy.

AIBU to think she is overweight?

YABVU you are seriously going to give your DD body image issues which will end in an earring disorder which will result in her being morbidly obese and not being able to get out of that binge/starve cycle.

How often are you weighing her?
If she is overweight what is keep bringing it up with her actually going to do?
You say she doesn’t eat junk food anyway (red flag) so what do you want her to do to lose weight?

She plays a sport which she’s very good at.
Instead of going on about her weight and looks all of the time just be proud that she’s found a sport she enjoys and encourage her, as this is what’s going to keep her healthy in the long run.
As she keeps it up she’ll naturally eat healthier so her body can be in the best shape to play her sport.

Weight should be taken with a pinch of salt. There are many people (usually athletes) who are very heavy but physically very healthy.
I don’t even bother weighing myself anymore as I can see in the mirror if I am overweight or not.

I assume you have issues with your body image and you’re worried your DD is going to have the same but you’re the one that’s going to give her those issues if you carry on.

You must be very thin yourself at 145 and 5'9"?

No that’s pretty average, in fact right in the middle of what’s considered a healthy weight.

OP, while she is overweight with BMI of 28, she probably needed to consume a lot of calories to reach that height at such a young age. So, has probably got used to eating more than the average teenager. If she continues to be fit and active, I wouldn’t worry to much as long as she doesn’t put on too much more. No point going on about it as nagging won’t help. You could try watching portion sizes with the food you serve at home.

If she has a very big frame and is very muscly then then she may not be overweight. My dd is also about 6 2, perhaps half an inch shorter and she weighs about 10 stone = 140 pounds. So another 80 pounds is going to be a lot of weight. My dd’s frame is small (measured by wrist size and general look) and she is toned but not powerful.

About watching portion sizes:

She gets hungry very quickly.

@MadameMinimes

all.rugby/club/england/squad

The forwards weigh over

She may be overweight but she also sounds active, fit and healthy with a positive attitude. She is also very tall, and if her frame is naturally wider and curvier then that will also have an impact.

You also say she doesn’t eat junk food.

So bringing up her weight is not going to do her any favours, and could lead to a negative body image and disordered eating.

Instead, keep facilitating the basketball and healthy eating.

If she continues to put on weight then perhaps she needs her thyroid checking, but otherwise I would leave her be and accept her for who she is.

… not sure what happened there

the forwards are over 100 k but look at the centres wingers and backs. Adult male elite athletes.

OPs dd is clearly overweight. How she tackles that is of course a different question.

Presumably if this is her height & weight at 15 she’s always been tall and big and heavy? And if it’s not consistent with her generics i.e. her parents aren’t tall and big then you’ve taken her to a doctor to rule out any underlying medical issues? And you don’t feed a diet of junk food?

If you’ve done all that, nothing’s medically wrong and you can see with your own eyes she’s healthy then I’d back right off. She’s 15, she fit and active and she doesn’t seem to be unhappy.

I really don’t think you can seriously compare a 15 year old girl who
plays basketball for her school with professional male rugby players in their 20s and 30s who play for their country.

What @Molli and @420bruh said, yep! Agreed. I'm also sure I saw this yesterday night about clothes? Leave your daughter alone. Shes still growing and shes active. If you want to damage your relationship with her then continue being ✨️that✨️ mum. Simple.

Please tread very carefully. As many have said, your approach may well damage her relationship with food and lead to an eating disorder. This happened to me. I was a let's say chubby child but no means very over weight and could only have been 11 or 12 when my parents offered me a '£ for a lb' I.e. a £ in money for every lb in weight that I lost. I will never forget it. I didn't have the most stable childhood anyway but I ended up with bulimia in my last teens and 20s.

@CecilyP The point I was trying to make is that if a 15 year old girl weighs as much or more than an adult male elite athlete of a similar height a game like rugby she is seriously over weight.
And that those people who are saying the weight is down to muscle mass because she is fit and plays sport are mistaken.

Yes her BMi puts her in the obese range

she needs to watch her weight

We don't know either way because there's not enough detail about her musculature. We also don't know what types of food she's eating.

I think the most important piece of information you have given us is that your DD is comfortable with her own weight and appearance. Don't say anything else. Honestly, everything a parent says about their child's weight/appearance gets banked in the adolescent brain and may well cause problems later on.

BMI is not perfect at extremes of height which this person is, taller humans aren’t simply stretched, they’re bigger in all dimensions. I’m 5’3” and realistically BMI 25 is a little generous for me to count in the healthy range and 28 is probably fine for this active young woman.

There was talk of a more sophisticated system a few years ago but it didn’t really take off.

People don’t seem to know that bmi charts are different for children. The op is right. She is “very overweight”.

I would be cooking healthy meals at home and encouraging exercise which she seems to enjoy anyway.

Here it is:

people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi.html

to quote:

SIR - The body-mass index that you (and the National Health Service) count on to assess obesity is a bizarre measure. We live in a three-dimensional world, yet the BMI is defined as weight divided by height squared. It was invented in the 1840s, before calculators, when a formula had to be very simple to be usable. As a consequence of this ill-founded definition, millions of short people think they are thinner than they are, and millions of tall people think they are fatter.

Nick Trefethen

Professor of numerical analysis

University of Oxford

OP is in the middle of the healthy bmi range so she’s not very thin, not even close. OP’s 15yo Dd has a bmi 28 which makes her obese or close to obese. 220lbs/99.79kg is huge for 6ft grown man, let alone a 6ft teen girl.

You’re right. She’s such an outlier at 15 I forgot she was a child.

Honestly fuck off. I’ve spent the past 20
years on and off diets and am now ridiculously overweight and it all started with a mother like you making comments on my body and taking me to bloody slimming world when in actual fact when I look at pictures there was sod all wrong with me. I was just taller with a wider frame than my peers.

You may not be unreasonable to have some concerns that your DD is overweight but if she eats healthily and is active what do you expect to happen. Only she can decide if she wants to do something about it, not everyone who is overweight is unhealthy and not everyone who is slim is also healthy. Are you concerned about her health or her appearance? I agree with other PPs that raising this as an issue with her could cause more harm than good.

i think it helps to have a visual.

This woman’s “after” picture is what 220lbs looks like on a 6’2” woman.

myprogresspics.com/progress-pics/22308/before-and-after-200-lbs-weight-loss-6-foot-2-female-420-lbs-to-220-lbs

This woman is a full 30lbs heavier than the OP’s daughter at the same height in her “after” picture.

myprogresspics.com/progress-pics/11136/62-female-progress-pics-of-81-lbs-weight-loss-333-lbs-to-252-lbs

The OP’s claims that she can find clothes for her daughter’s height but not her width suggest that she has a very distorted sense of her daughters size. Her daughter may be somewhat overweight but she is not going to be so large that tall ranges of clothes don’t have a size to fit her. I think people are underestimating how tall 6’2” is for a girl/woman.

Have things changed recently or has she always been overweight? If it’s a new thing, I’d be more concerned about whether something is going on you need to worry about and she’s comfort eating.

Arguing about it won’t do any good.

I agree that it is a complex issue that must be handled sensitively.

However, posters here saying all that matters is that DD is happy are wrong. It is doing our children a disservice if we as parents don't act when there is a health related issue, and being overweight is an issue.

Clearly, her DD is overweight. However, she is also exceptionally tall. Therefore she will be an outlier in terms of the BMI calculators, especially those for children.

I would discuss this with your GP, on your own initially. I think you need reliable evidence-based help, based specifically on your DD's situation, and you won't get that on MN (or any place where it's just a group of strangers, I mean, we can't help properly, not knocking MN per se)