AIBU to think primary schools are stuck in the 50s?

[Desperado40]

I need to get this off my chest somewhere...maybe I am unreasonable, but my kids' primary school is stuck in another decade. They constantly bombard us with things to attend or assist kids to do at home (and I am not talking spellings here, but proper projects). We both work full time! It is hard enough to organise wrap around childcare and we share as much as possible between us, but I really don't want to be wasting the only family time we have on catching up with projects and homework. We received over 60(!) School emails in the last 4 weeks about various things. I am at my wit's end, there is something to remember to bring or do almost daily. And of course the guilt when I cannot attend every single sports day, market day, school fayre, school concert, parents assembly, wave child off on the 100th school trip... I am afraid that it is all designed for a stay at home parents... I know that working full time, I am in the minority of mums in our school. AIBU to think schools should assume that both parents DO work and be more inclusive?

We know most of our parents work.

Ofsted still expect us to have lots of parental engagement/communicatiom/events/etc.

This isn’t 1950s though. Back then kids walked to school from the age of 4 and parents had very little involvement. Just ignore what you can. My DD’s teacher admitted she didn’t bother doing a lot of it with her primary DC and teachers only set up because some parents/Ofsted insisted.

60 emails is ridiculous, they’d have more chance of getting people to engage if they consolidated it into one a week - why can’t they do that? It baffles me!

You know teachers are parents too right?
Yes we can't do everything but it it's nice for children to have some parental engagement where possible.

I disagree with the homework completely, it's good to get in the habit of doing this earlier otherwise secondary is gonna be a real shock to the system

I guess it means what you mean by be more inclusive. Things that involve the kids at school will happen in school hours. It’s not a system necessarily designed to suit SAHP but because of the hours of school, it just works out that way. I know our school has a fairly flexible homework policy so there are no penalties for not doing it and I know every school isn’t that understanding but I feel a conversation with class teachers or heads if needed, most will be understanding of time constraints or desires to use family time for other things. I absolutely appreciate that the amount of things to do and remember are sometimes overwhelming but often they are 100% designed as positive things to either raise money to enhance the children’s learning experience or better the schools resources. It’s frustrating and you can only do what you can do, I think parental guilt plays hard on us but all you can do is be there for what you can, do the things you can do when you all want to and ignore what you can’t. Any good school staff will make sure that children whose parents can be involved for whatever reason get to enjoy what is being offered.

Lots of communication isn’t better communication though, I know the OP isn’t referencing your school but is the huge amount of emails standard?

Don’t schools attempt to consolidate Comms or is the OP unlucky?

60 is excessive unless she has 10 kids.

How many children do you have OP?

Our DC's school send one email per week. That's plenty

Lots of parents work flexibly / part time / have a granny who can turn up at eg sports day

OP I teach AT the school my dc go to and I still find this time of year impossible to manage. There’s just a lot on, particularly as it’s our first ‘normal’ year post covid.

I don’t think schools set out to assume every family has a SAHP - it’s more that anything with dc is going to take place in school hours because that’s when they’re all at school. Add all the end of term events & it suddenly feels manic. Plus a lot of parents do want all these events to happen (whereas I’m always thrilled if sports day is on my working day as then I don’t have to waste my day off on it 😂).

My DC learnt very early on that they won’t have a parent at lots of events. They are ok with it because they understand it just can’t be helped. DH & I both working means they get all kinds of benefits they wouldn’t have otherwise and I don’t think it’s ever too early to show them the trade offs & compromises we all have to make in life. Try to let go of the guilt - you’re doing a good thing in working, your dc benefit in other ways, that’s ok.

Whilst I don't disagree, your post is a little confused.
You've said you know you're in the minority with both parents working (and I would agree with that, I only know 1 family that do), so why should they assume both work full time when most don't? It's probably better to go with the majority who do want involvement.

YABU to assume all schools are the same. We don't set projects for this reason.

Homework? In primary school? What on earth for?
I started primary school in 1959. We had no homework whatsoever until we started secondary school at age 11.
I venture to suggest our education was actually superior to the modern version, even without homework. We knew our tables up to 12X by age 7, many of us could read fluently in reception, and we were doing algebra and geometry by age 10.
Our parents did not get involved in any school projects at all, and we completed these during school hours.

Parental involvement was simply to send some cake or biscuits (which could be shop bought) for the annual class Christmas party.
I sympathise with you, OP, that sounds totally unreasonable.

We attempt to consolidate comms, then a child has head lice, then a sports fixture is rearranged last minute, then scarlet fever is in school, then we are asked to send a reminder about the card board boxes due in.......before you know it 10 comms have gone out.....in addition to the planned one.

As for the original post......just because you and your husband work should the other kids not have a sports day attended by parents? Or the play not be put on? Or the music student not play a concert? Or parents not be invited into sew what their kids have been learning? It's those things the kids remember beyond school too.

Yanbu just don't do it all

It is silly season with schools...same as before Xmas, try being a single parent of multiples at different schools ...enough to drive you to drink 🍷

I suspect you're exaggerating the amount of emails! But schools can't win. If they didn't message parents and keep them informed, they'd get it in the neck for that. My OH is a primary teacher and he gets messages at 10 at night from parents demanding to know why their son/daughter wasn't included in the daily pix he's expected to post on Class Dojo. And no, not all parents can attend things, but some can so of course schools have to put out general invites.

60 emails is ridiculous but the other events are part of what ofsted judge schools on. If schools don't show they are welcoming and engaging with parents in these ways they will be penalised. Schools have to do what they are told!

Sorry, my error, I thought you said 60 emails in one week!

Something I did if neither DH or I could be there (and do remember most DC have 2 parents) was saying X's Mum is watching for you (X being a friend whose parent you have a reciporical relationship with) then at least they feel someone is there for them.

I don't think you're actually suggesting that schools shouldn't enhance the experience of children though.
Or are you?

You should try being the parent of a child with SEN. No wrap around care at all, no holiday care, and back to back meetings, appointments you have to take them to (e.g. OT which could be at school but OT won't do it there).

School is damned if they do, damned if they don't.

Real life example, at a Parent Forum recently half the Parents wanted homework, the other half didn't. So they just had a big old ding dong between themselves about it

(Mind you, my DS never gets school trips, special days, school plays, concerts, leavers' assemblies, school discos, harvest festivals etc so I suppose that cuts down on some things).

YABU because not all schools are the same. I just looked and I had 5 messages on Parent Mail this week so nothing like 60 over 4 weeks.

Homework at my DD's school is optional. The online platforms the DC can access without a parent. For younger DC that need a parent to listen to them read it is recommended that parents do this 3 times a week which I don't think is too onerous. There is creative homework which would need some parental involvement for younger DC but it is only one thing per half term and is optional.

Naturally, Sports Day etc is during the school day. But the teachers don't expect every parent to attend. Everyone does what they can. No set schedule would suit all parents anyway, we don't all work 9-5.

I'm not sure what the answer is, it's a fairly well trodden path - working parents complaining the world doesn't work for them better