AIBU to think primary schools are stuck in the 50s?

[Desperado40]

I need to get this off my chest somewhere...maybe I am unreasonable, but my kids' primary school is stuck in another decade. They constantly bombard us with things to attend or assist kids to do at home (and I am not talking spellings here, but proper projects). We both work full time! It is hard enough to organise wrap around childcare and we share as much as possible between us, but I really don't want to be wasting the only family time we have on catching up with projects and homework. We received over 60(!) School emails in the last 4 weeks about various things. I am at my wit's end, there is something to remember to bring or do almost daily. And of course the guilt when I cannot attend every single sports day, market day, school fayre, school concert, parents assembly, wave child off on the 100th school trip... I am afraid that it is all designed for a stay at home parents... I know that working full time, I am in the minority of mums in our school. AIBU to think schools should assume that both parents DO work and be more inclusive?

Thanks be to God/Allah/all the saints/whoever, we've just finished up with school for good. Primary school as a working parent was a living nightmare. We'd be given the shortest notice of having to provide costumes for whatever. The number of times I had to dash to Tesco/the local shopping centre in the evening, after whatever activity or wherever to try to get whatever they needed!! Had to use annual leave for the nativities/concerts/PT interviews, etc etc. There was never any consideration towards working parents, even though there were several husband/wife teachers in the school. I suppose it was a case of, "I'm all right Jack!"

You are SO not being unreasonable, mine is relentless too and it presses all the guilt buttons. Your post has obviously pressed some buttons too - the Fb comments are full of twats telling you to manage your time better or telling you to be grateful and lots of SAHMs saying how dare you imply they have time to do projects. LONG.

Ignoring is not an option either is it - because buried within all those lengthy newsletters in Comic Sans are the things that you actually need to know. I don’t have time to make cake jars for the jumble sale, and I don’t care about some gimp of governor’s reflections on the Jubilee - I DO need to know about parents evening and school plays, I’m not a fucking monster.

Nothing but solidarity, OP. Ignore the smugs!
x

1-For every parent like you, there are 5 asking what their children do and wanting to know more.
2- We get beaten over the head by Ofsted.
3-60 emails is excessive. Speak to school about that. They must be from different sources within school. Perhaps they need to separate their communication so you only receive mail that’s relevant to your child’s year group.

My DD is 18 and about to leave sixth form. Can’t wait as their new head sends 4 sided letters regularly and by email that I can’t read on my phone as they are so small. Full of nothing but obviously would make Ofsted happy as she is communicating with parents.

Single parent teacher here.
You have to pick and choose what you get leave for IMO. My kids know I won’t be at most events, sometimes I can send grandma. Often it’s “so and so’s parent is watching for me” and they send pics/videos and cheer for my kiddos.
The school I work in has lots of events, during the day and after; I always tell me class ‘your grown ups want to see you but sometimes can’t be there. They love you no matter what.’ It’s a fine line with parental involvement, do what you can. My bottom line is Sports day, Xmas show, class assembly.

I feel our school makes the assumption there is always one parent at home. It's the short notice that makes things difficult for me. I could possibly go to some of the events in the day if I took leave, but we often only gets weeks' notice for sports day etc so it's too late. On the odd occasion I have been able to go to something they have them changed the time/date so I couldn't go!

In all the many years I have been a parent at various schools I have never been given one weeks notice for something like sports day. I think schools do an incredible job in tough circumstances.

Sadly our school didn't even manage a week's notice, 3-5 days notice as they have spread it out over a few days. Happy to pm you a screenshot if you doubt this

Actually just checked and for some year groups it was 2 days notice

Classic blunder, I have no doubt it happens in some schools but I think there is a lot of catastrophising on these types of threads.

I think part of it is we are such an insular society,I don;t now my neighbours really,I don;t do community involvement mainly if I am being honest cos I don;t want to,so I think schools recognise this too and try to foster engagement with parents and use it as a tool to help socialise the children in their care,Its not so much a bad thing I guess. I think more of it is parent guilt,Parents who cannot be there due to work commitments feel awful and it is a hard thing to live with the parent guilt. I am lucky in the fact that I have been parenting in various stages for 31 yrs and I have never had to miss anything,trailed to every sports day,every craft day,every parents evening etc doesn;t mean to say I find it anymore tedious than everyone else and there is loads more I want to be doing than all that. I am however a strong believer in whatever primary schools my kids have attended these have been the worst years for them,its been painful at times this stage of their lives and I dont know the answers for that, I hated those years too,it seemed a never ending cycle of trauma, drama and stress, I guess what I wanted to say really is stop being so hard on yourselves!! You will be fine and get through so will your kids! Parent guilt will never go away and comes in all different shades whether we can be there or not there will always be something to feel crap about, I am way the wrong side of 50 now with last child going into year 6 next term and what I can say is my best will have to be good enough for me and my child and most schools are fair and will see that, Mine have been happier much happier at high school and I am hoping this too wil follow,Primary schools are a necessary evil in my view!

I disagree, primary school years are lovely

My grandmother was a head teacher at a primary school in the 1950s. The comparison is not a good one.

I agree about the excessive number of emails, and you should contact the school about that. Constructive suggestions especially if you know a parent (or work yourself) in marketing.

As for the observation about parents and full time employment, primary schools are not the only place by a long way that assumes a person at home during the day or not in full time employment. Hermes and other parcel carriers, utilities come to mind, there are many others.

I expect that at least some pp saying they only get a week's notice of important events missed the three preceding notifications. It happens all the time at our school. There are always parents asking why we didn't tell them, why we didn't remind them, why is it such short notice, when it's been on the school calendar and every newsletter sent out all year.

Ironically, alongside those asking why we didn't send them more reminders, are the other parents who say they are fed up of receiving reminders.

It's quite hard to please everyone.

I'm not sure anyone assumes anything. They are just trying to run organisations and businesses the best they can a lot of the time. Some people work from home and are indeed there to take in parcels. Or you can get parcels delivered to your work.

I don't think that primary school children should be assigned homework at all, at least not until Year 6.

Inevitably, it turns into another chore for the parents, attempting to persuade a reluctant and tired child that they need to sit down and do more school work when they get home at the end of the school day, when what the child actually needs to do is to relax, unwind and play.

Giving homework to a seven-year-old is cruel, in my opinion. If there is more work than can be done in the school day, then it would be better to make the school day longer. Once children arrive home, they should be free of the shackles of school. Home should be a sanctuary.

I think this is probably a modern day thing not a 1950s things.
I rarely had homework in primary school, perhaps basic things like spellings or times tables or reading book but that's it.
My mum only came to school on sports day and parents evenings 70s/80s.
60 emails in 4 weeks is excessive however may rack up if you have multiple kids in different schools or nurseries.
This time of year is always frantic and the busiest.
Write everything on the calendar as soon as you send letter/ email.
Attend what you can and split it with DH and if possible GP.
I always felt terrible guilt if I couldn't go to something , but as pp teachers are often parents too!
When they get to secondary it all calms down considerably.

Having done both (formerly in a very high pressured industry at a reasonably high level) - and still do both on a self employed basis.

My clients in the private sector are significantly more understanding and easier to work with them some of my ‘clients’ (in inverted commas as I work in a state school so no one, not even parents, is a client really) in education.

I’m close to just giving up frankly as it’s such a thankless task. And I’m not alone.

Sorry wrong thread Re previous post

dd started reception in sept. We do get weekly emails and any reminders for dates, Pta, school menu change etc

im fine with it

i don’t think should get projects and we don’t but as I said only in reception

but def reading and any writing /spelling we do daily , takes 5/10mins and we did the same on holiday or else they forget and harder once back at school

Yes i'm not sure what's wrong with numerous emails, surely people get the same at work, it's just a form of communication

I'm a teacher and I agree, but that's a decision for your school's Head and governors.

However, 30 mins across a whole week, good habits regarding reading, school time only, aren't too much of a commitment really.

Exactly this!

In work we get a weekly internal Comms round up email with events/jobs/things that are useful to know but not necessarily job role specific - that’s how I think school Comms should ideally work.

At work, I definitely don't get 2-4 days notice of events out of work hours with added guilt trips about how it would mean so much to my boss if I went.