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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think primary schools are stuck in the 50s?

271 replies

Desperado40 · 07/07/2022 18:37

I need to get this off my chest somewhere...maybe I am unreasonable, but my kids' primary school is stuck in another decade. They constantly bombard us with things to attend or assist kids to do at home (and I am not talking spellings here, but proper projects). We both work full time! It is hard enough to organise wrap around childcare and we share as much as possible between us, but I really don't want to be wasting the only family time we have on catching up with projects and homework. We received over 60(!) School emails in the last 4 weeks about various things. I am at my wit's end, there is something to remember to bring or do almost daily. And of course the guilt when I cannot attend every single sports day, market day, school fayre, school concert, parents assembly, wave child off on the 100th school trip... I am afraid that it is all designed for a stay at home parents... I know that working full time, I am in the minority of mums in our school. AIBU to think schools should assume that both parents DO work and be more inclusive?

OP posts:
justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:09

"scheduled some activities for early evening."

Bugger off. I work 7-6 and that's late enough.

justasmalltownmum · 07/07/2022 22:09

Wow! I wish we had this.
My dc is in year 2 and is yet to have any trip, any fair or any assembly parents can come too. They just did the first sports day where parents were allowed.

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:11

"No. I would prefer schools were realistic in what parents can attend."

But what if 75% of the parents love the events, support them, clamour for more? We can't keep everyone happy. You just have to say no to what you can't do.

SAHMonMN · 07/07/2022 22:11

6O emails in 4 weeks for one child? So 15 emails per week, or an average of 3 per day? That's harassment. Surely other parents are complaining?

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:12

Covid / lockdown just demonstrated how out of touch and rigid schools and their administration are. There’s zero flexibility and zero ability to account for parental needs. Schools are full of staff that wouldn’t survive a day in the private sector - and I’m not really even talking about the teachers….

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:13

But what if 75% of the parents love the events, support them, clamour for more? We can't keep everyone happy. You just have to say no to what you can't do

I just can’t see this being true. Everyone parent moans endlessly about this very issue. Yet the schools NEVER ask parental opinion

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:13

"There’s zero flexibility and zero ability to account for parental needs."

What flexibility are you looking for? Obviously we have working hours like everyone else.

Which parental needs? Yours? People like you? The majority?

Comedycook · 07/07/2022 22:14

All throughout my DC's school life, I've said I just want one "normal" week...where's there's no dressing up day, event to attend, remember to bring in a pound coin, remember to bring in a jam jar, etc etc Just one week where I can just send them to school...that's it!

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:14

Bugger off. I work 7-6 and that's late enough

poor pet

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 07/07/2022 22:15

At primary school in the early 1970s there was very little parental involvement and no homework. So many emails sounds disorganised and lazy of the school. I worked when the kids were at primary and when I couldn’t attend events, my childminder was generally there and would always cheer them on. One or two of the other parents would also go over to them and give them attention on occasion. I don’t think me not being there has had any impact on the dc. I always made it to sports day!

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:15

"Schools are full of staff that wouldn’t survive a day in the private sector - and I’m not really even talking about the teachers…."

I'm glad you're not talking about the teachers. Most teachers I know had experience of the private sector before becoming teachers.

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:16

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:13

But what if 75% of the parents love the events, support them, clamour for more? We can't keep everyone happy. You just have to say no to what you can't do

I just can’t see this being true. Everyone parent moans endlessly about this very issue. Yet the schools NEVER ask parental opinion

What all 20,000 of them? Surely not. Maybe you're unlucky. Move to one of them.

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:17

Comedycook · 07/07/2022 22:14

All throughout my DC's school life, I've said I just want one "normal" week...where's there's no dressing up day, event to attend, remember to bring in a pound coin, remember to bring in a jam jar, etc etc Just one week where I can just send them to school...that's it!

We keep them out of your hair for 6-7 hours a day. Surely you can contribute a jam jar.

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:17

Which parental needs? Yours? People like you? The majority?

erm yeah, that would be a good start..,,

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:18

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:14

Bugger off. I work 7-6 and that's late enough

poor pet

You can be as petulant as you like but I work far more hours than I'm paid for and don't see why I should do even more.

shinynewapple22 · 07/07/2022 22:19

I understand your feeling that the amount of work you may be given for your DC to do at home is too much - but that hasn't come from past decades - it's quite a new thing . I wasn't around in the 50s, but 1970s primary school we didn't get any homework - and even in the 2000s my DS didn't really get that much - a few spellings and a bit of reading but no big projects to do at home .

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:20

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:17

Which parental needs? Yours? People like you? The majority?

erm yeah, that would be a good start..,,

Which? People like you or the majority? Or are you just assuming that people like you are the majority? Seems presumptuous and not my experience.

RainCoffeeBook · 07/07/2022 22:20

My record is 7 texts in two days reminding me of a craft day on Friday. Like, no offence, but I'm on a business trip in Europe and I'm super busy and I have an actual life. Please, do crafts with my child. But don't keep bloody texting me reminding me to bring yoghurt pots. That's her dad's job.

I prefer the 50s version where schools were able to teach without bothering me every five minutes to tell me about it.

Comedycook · 07/07/2022 22:20

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:17

We keep them out of your hair for 6-7 hours a day. Surely you can contribute a jam jar.

Show quote history

It's not the particular request that's the problem...it's the volume of them. It all adds to the mental load that mother's have to deal with.

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:21

@justfiveminutes you’re obviously a very angry and frustrated teacher. Most parents would rather their children’s teachers didn’t view their schooling as ‘keeping them out of their hair’ but rather teaching and nurturing them as they grow up. I know from experience of friends that teaching can make people very ‘territorial’ but really you don’t need to take these recommendations so personally. In the private sector work feedback is part of the job and allows companies to improve. They certainly don’t argue the toss over it!

AntlerRose · 07/07/2022 22:22

Where are the schools that are full off staff?

FarFarFarAndAway · 07/07/2022 22:24

I don't want to depress you but my children's secondaries send a lot of letters, and one of them always sends them in letter form not an email so you can't see what it's about til you open the letter and then it's about some club they are not even in anyway! Such a waste of time and energy...

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:25

"I prefer the 50s version where schools were able to teach without bothering me every five minutes to tell me about it."

That was when there was no engagement because most parents trusted teachers and schools to do their jobs and Ofsted didn't demand evidence of parental engagement. I'd happily stop contacting parents if they all agreed to stop contacting us too.

justfiveminutes · 07/07/2022 22:28

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 22:21

@justfiveminutes you’re obviously a very angry and frustrated teacher. Most parents would rather their children’s teachers didn’t view their schooling as ‘keeping them out of their hair’ but rather teaching and nurturing them as they grow up. I know from experience of friends that teaching can make people very ‘territorial’ but really you don’t need to take these recommendations so personally. In the private sector work feedback is part of the job and allows companies to improve. They certainly don’t argue the toss over it!

I'm not arguing or taking it personally as it's not, well, personal. Nobody knows me or my school. I'm not angry or frustrated - I've got the best job in the world. I'm trying to give a teacher's perspective to some of these criticisms being levelled at schools - explaining why schools make some of the decisions they do. And I agreed with a couple of pp who really were dealing with ridiculously poor planning and communication.

Kite22 · 07/07/2022 22:30

Tricky to know what question we are answering in the poll.

I mean, YANBU to think that the particular school your dc attend have unrealistic expectations, but YABU to then scale that up to suggest that all Primary schools do that.
YAalsoBU to say that all that communication, and all the events you list were typical in the 50s - it really wasn't.