AIBU to think primary schools are stuck in the 50s?

[Desperado40]

I need to get this off my chest somewhere...maybe I am unreasonable, but my kids' primary school is stuck in another decade. They constantly bombard us with things to attend or assist kids to do at home (and I am not talking spellings here, but proper projects). We both work full time! It is hard enough to organise wrap around childcare and we share as much as possible between us, but I really don't want to be wasting the only family time we have on catching up with projects and homework. We received over 60(!) School emails in the last 4 weeks about various things. I am at my wit's end, there is something to remember to bring or do almost daily. And of course the guilt when I cannot attend every single sports day, market day, school fayre, school concert, parents assembly, wave child off on the 100th school trip... I am afraid that it is all designed for a stay at home parents... I know that working full time, I am in the minority of mums in our school. AIBU to think schools should assume that both parents DO work and be more inclusive?

I don't mind taking time off for some school events, it's the amount of school events that I have a problem with. It's really excessive! They also book school trips and constantly pester parents to volunteer to help out or they'd get cancelled! I kid you not. School sleepovers and school discos also need parent volunteers.

My DDs school manages to be simultaneously rubbish and over eager on communication.

Sports day for example... one email mid afternoon the day before. Only other mention was a date on the calendar.

But we got multiple emails about which gates would be open on election day.

Getting a lot of emails at the moment for Yr6 what with Camp, Transition, Prom, Assembly, trips reports etc happening. Which is understandable.

On school trip days we get a 15min warning of the coach arriving back if its after normal finish time which is useful.

Worst thing I've had over the years was an email at 8.07am saying no school buses were running due to strike action... no prior warning. The buses started pick ups at 8am! In our case, DH had to drive home from work to drive them to school.

I have struggled this year. I get that schools need to offer opportunities and if lots of parents can make it that’s great but there are some things that just cumulatively make it tricky so the 1/2 day finishes at the end of term, the let’s come and look at work at 3pm on the days that must children are in wrap around, the random excursions that require picking up from a different school at 11.15 etc.

Annual leave is so precious give the amount of school holidays it becomes tricky to use it for things that aren’t the big things like nativity/sports days but you still feel like shit when your child is disappointed you can’t make it.

Totally agree - I'm the same age.

Parents didn't come to school. Mum may not have paid work but with a washing machine that had to be dragged in front of the sink and filled from the kitchen sink taps, coal fires and NO car or convenience foods, there simply wasn't time for her to come to school on a regular basis.

School hours were 9 until 3.30 for infants and until 4 for juniors, so I went to school with my brothers but (at 4.5 years) caught the bus home on my own after the first couple of weeks

I was also caned twice before I was 7 for silly things (humming in class and making a noise in the corridor)

and when I got a head injury aged 5, my 10 year old brother was taken out of class to take me home (a bus ride away).

You may not like how it is now but the 50s it certainly isn't

Another one of these conversations where schools cannot win.
For every parent who thinks there’s too much homework, trips, sports days, dress up, concerts etc etc there is another parent who thinks they don’t get enough homework, trips and dress up…..
These threads make me cross.
These things are planned, carefully, involving teachers time and energy for the benefit of YOUR CHILD. To give them a fun and memorable school experience. All the moaning is so depressing.

Perhaps as part of the careful planning process, they could give more than 3 days notice

It doesn’t last forever. Once they start secondary school you won’t hear anything.

It’s a shame when people react defensively. Besides, I think the problem is a lot of these things are really not fun for the child when they are the one without a parent there.

60 emails in 4 weeks is ridiculous. As a parent would you be able to engage with those 60 emails on top of your teaching workload?

Dc's school scrapped homework that had to be marked. They are meant to read daily, have weekly spellings and encouraged to use mathletics and tt rockstars to practise maths.

During covid the emails got out of hand - not so much the frequency, but the content. 8 or 9 pages per email, with many parents having English as a second language. What was needed was short, clear communications. The head did take parent feedback on board and cut this down.

Do you really only know 1 family where both parents work? How unusual. Do you know any single parents who work?

I disagree with the homework completely, it's good to get in the habit of doing this earlier otherwise secondary is gonna be a real shock to the system

I disagree with you. I rarely had homework in primary school it was something to be expected in secondary. I remember thinking how grown up I’d be to have homework. It wasn’t a shock at all to the system.

It's a bit of an own goal. Parents' time and energy is taken up with these things, and teachers' -- It's all a giant distraction from the purpose of education if you ask me.

You can be engaged with your child's education by having a conversation with them. Models of Roman shields and cake sales are neither here nor there.

But the disagreement between parents on homework is real. I can only assume that the ones who want loads of it have more compliant/studious DC than me. Or nannies.

Absolutely this!!

I would not mind if the experiences did not constantly involve parents' time. This include school trips that would not take place unless they'd have x number of parent volunteering. There is a constant pressure to be present very frequently. I don't mind the odd special event, but I think if the school can't cover events with staff members, just cut down on the number of events, it is becoming unmanageable. Something's gotta give, and soon it will be my sanity.

We can't win really. Sometimes we get parents complaining that we send too many messages. Sometimes we get parents complaining that we only reminded them twice to send their kids to school in a PE kit.

Most schools try their best I think. We're busy and don't especially enjoy spending time on messages, or annoying parents, or handling complaints. We communicate when there is something to say.

Regarding volunteers - yes we ask because we rely on them. Your child's school experience is nicer because of volunteers. It's not a court summons though and we don't mind if you can't do it.

Regarding trips - if you have more than one per term I'd be suggesting fewer, that gets expensive.

I was at school in the 60's and it wasn't like it is today. I can't believe the amount of stuff my grandchildren bring home for parents to be involved in, days when uniform isn't to be worn, requests for money, trips, homework, dressing up days, projects etc. I walked to and from school alone from a v early age. There was no school fairs, parent assemblies, nothing that food had to be taken in for and the only time my parent saw a teacher was once a year a parents evening. It wasn't even as bad as it is now when my grown up children were young. I feel sorry for parents now.

"but I think if the school can't cover events with staff members, just cut down on the number of events"

But I'm sure you know that most of the children, and a lot of the parents, would disagree with this. Many parents are happy to volunteer. Unless you are forced to do it at gunpoint, why not just let the nice things happen and the keen parents volunteer so they can happen?

Schools work hard to involve and engage parents because it's been shown to have an impact on the children's well-being and attainment.

Agreed. I never had homework on primary but just accepted it was part of secondary. My dd had horrendous anxiety and tantrums with primary school homework, so much so I was dreading secondary school with her. She took it all in her stride in secondary school and just accepted it.

So my opinion is homework in primary school is completely and utterly unnecessary and I wouldn't pressure any child to do it!

Exactly this.

"So my opinion is homework in primary school is completely and utterly unnecessary and I wouldn't pressure any child to do it!"

I bet most teachers would agree with you. We don't want to set or mark it. We know they often have help so is not a fair assessment of what the child can do. We know it causes conflict and stress in some homes. We feel sorry for the kids who don't get help with it, or get in trouble because their parents don't remind them to do it or bring it. Very occasionally it can be useful - parents see their child struggling and help them, or realise there's a problem.

Unfortunately at our school a parental questionnaire revealed that the vast majority of parents wanted it to stay - they preferred dry boring stuff like worksheets and spellings to projects.

But not all schools have homework. For those parents who disagree with their prospective schools homework policy, why not look for other schools?

I think the Covid switchover to apps and emails for communications has allowed schools to send more messages than they would have done previously when it was more paper based. Over the last month I think I have had around 30 app messages each from my eldest’s secondary and my middle child’s middle school. Which are duplicated by email too just to add to the communication overload. My youngest’s First school doesn’t send so many messages, but that just means instead my WhatsApp pings constantly with the class group asking what time sports day will be and if parents can go

@justfiveminutes Schools work hard to involve and engage parents because it's been shown to have an impact on the children's well-being and attainment

I'm sure it does but as a working single parent with 2 children from a v young age I'd have found it v difficult to fit it all in or keep on top of what's expected now.

My DD is Y6.
This week we have
Monday- School Fayre 1-3pm
Tuesday - Sports Day 11:20 12:30pm
Wednesday - Display of children's photography project-parents invited 12:45pm
Friday- School Leavers assembly - 1:30pm.

It's absolutely ridiculous.
Being my DD's last few weeks at Primary I'd love to attend all events and DD would love me to be there for all but I work during school hours- I need to to pay all the requests for money from the school ( chocolate brownies the dc made, the photo DD took for the photography project, the random picture of the dc a teacher has taken it upon themselves to take- encourage the children to buy-and charge ££ for, the OFFICIAL last photo, the 'voluntary' payment for the school trip that requires you to send in a return slip -with the cash-confirming you have paid the requested amount🤔

I think we mostly try to do what is best for the children and hope that most parents aren't too cross about it.