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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think primary schools are stuck in the 50s?

271 replies

Desperado40 · 07/07/2022 18:37

I need to get this off my chest somewhere...maybe I am unreasonable, but my kids' primary school is stuck in another decade. They constantly bombard us with things to attend or assist kids to do at home (and I am not talking spellings here, but proper projects). We both work full time! It is hard enough to organise wrap around childcare and we share as much as possible between us, but I really don't want to be wasting the only family time we have on catching up with projects and homework. We received over 60(!) School emails in the last 4 weeks about various things. I am at my wit's end, there is something to remember to bring or do almost daily. And of course the guilt when I cannot attend every single sports day, market day, school fayre, school concert, parents assembly, wave child off on the 100th school trip... I am afraid that it is all designed for a stay at home parents... I know that working full time, I am in the minority of mums in our school. AIBU to think schools should assume that both parents DO work and be more inclusive?

OP posts:
FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 07/07/2022 22:30

We don't have any of this at DDs school. She's just finishing up yr 3, no homework generally. Very occasionally she'll be asked to research 3 facts about Roman times or finish off a worksheet. We have 1 dress up/dress down type day a term, all communication is through ScoPay email system or ClassDojo and it's rarely more than 1 email/message a week.

Bazinga007 · 07/07/2022 22:45

What school did you go to that had emails in the 50s?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 07/07/2022 22:49

You are not being unreasonable. But this isn't my experience of primary schools at all.

Sure sometimes they had projects, but they were always optional. Only spellings and reading.

EmmiJay · 07/07/2022 22:52

I recently went on a tour of an academy and was taken back by the Head saying they have minimal contact with parents and children very rarely have homework. Its like 'whats the catch?!' Your current school sounds like DDs current school, hence why I'm looking at academies now. Maybe have a look at those?

FrippEnos · 07/07/2022 22:53

Babdoc

Ah yes the rose tinted view of the golden age of education.
No SEND
behaviour was dealt with buy caning.
Anyone not normal was sent to special schools.
Pupils were expelled. etc. etc.

but as long as this didn't affect you its all good because you got a better education.

Nix32 · 07/07/2022 22:57

@EmmiJay We're an academy and we have weekly homework and a huge amount of interactions with parents. The academy title doesn't mean all academies are the same.

FrippEnos · 07/07/2022 22:58

Joyfultoes
@BlackbirdsSinging simple answer. No. I would prefer schools were realistic in what parents can attend, scheduled some activities for early evening, gave realistic notice and streamlined their comms. H2H

you do realise that teachers have a life outside of school?

Yet the schools NEVER ask parental opinion

Nice generalisation and I suspect that most schools do ask for parental opinion but some parents CBA to respond.

FrippEnos · 07/07/2022 22:59

RainCoffeeBook
I prefer the 50s version where schools were able to teach without bothering me every five minutes to tell me about it.

I'm sure that you would be very happy with the 50s version where schools and teachers were not held accountable at all.

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 23:00

you do realise that teachers have a life outside of school?

yes and also 17 weeks holiday a year so surely staying till 6pm once in a while isn’t such an issue. Anyway, usually the concerts etc have minimal teacher involvement bar one or two of them.

FrippEnos · 07/07/2022 23:07

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 23:00

you do realise that teachers have a life outside of school?

yes and also 17 weeks holiday a year so surely staying till 6pm once in a while isn’t such an issue. Anyway, usually the concerts etc have minimal teacher involvement bar one or two of them.

If you are talking about state schools its 13 weeks in the UK.

Its amazing how "once in a while" becomes so much more often.
Besides even if the occasional after 6pm activities took place some parents still wouldn't be happy.

Nix32 · 07/07/2022 23:09

@Joyfultoes 13 weeks holiday actually.

Arrived at school at 7:20 this morning, left at 8:45 after watching end of year performance. Half the teachers attended.

saraclara · 07/07/2022 23:10

This isn’t 1950s though. Back then kids walked to school from the age of 4 and parents had very little involvement

Exactly. I was seven in 1962 and I walked my four year old brother to school in his first day. His infant school was on the way to my junior school, so it was a given that I'd just take him with me.
The arrangement didn't last long as we fought all the time, so soon he was walking with his friend of the same age.

I don't recall either of my parents ever coming to my school.

LoudingVoice · 07/07/2022 23:12

@BlackbirdsSinging simple answer. No. I would prefer schools were realistic in what parents can attend, scheduled some activities for early evening, gave realistic notice and streamlined their comms. H2H

you do realise that teachers have a life outside of school?

What does giving realistic notice and streamlining Comms have to do with having a life outside of work?

runnerswimmer · 07/07/2022 23:36

DD1 is just finishing year 1, and I have to say I am finding it all a bit OTT, its very different to when I was at primary in the 90s. It was sports day, school play, end of year assembly, annual trip to the art gallery / museum / pool, plus the school residential in yr5/6.

DH works shifts so he can turn up to many of these types of events and often signs up as a parent helper thankfully, and I try to cover the ones he cant. I do feel for parents who both work full time 9-5.

FlatWhiteLover · 07/07/2022 23:38

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 23:00

you do realise that teachers have a life outside of school?

yes and also 17 weeks holiday a year so surely staying till 6pm once in a while isn’t such an issue. Anyway, usually the concerts etc have minimal teacher involvement bar one or two of them.

Also do you realise that parents work nights? DH works nights and I would need someone to babysit the toddler because she would be a nightmare to take out in the evening for a concert.

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 23:52

Your toddler is on bed at 6pm? Well good on you….perhaps….

Joyfultoes · 07/07/2022 23:54

@Nix32 so your school does do early evening stuff if you were there until 8:45. I assume it works well then. Well done

Throughabushbackwards · 08/07/2022 00:01

DS's school is like this. We have a average of 10 emails a week and at least once a fortnight there is an event held at 10am or lunchtime or 2pm or some other unsuitable time. Book looks, picnics, welly walks, bake sales - lovely things for the children but they are always asking for parents to help run these things. It's impossible for working parents yet we get message after message stacking on the guilt saying that if they don't have support they'll have to cancel.

Joyfultoes · 08/07/2022 00:05

@Throughabushbackwards Thats awful. Schools should only plan things they can deliver during school hours.

I find it all oddly misogynistic too as no-one seems to expect the men will do these things. And I speak as a North London mum where men often do half the childcare!

Throughabushbackwards · 08/07/2022 00:19

It is that @Joyfultoes

Always the mums picking up the slack, apart from me, obviously, who relies entirely on DH to do the school run.

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 08/07/2022 00:37

I'm curious, @Joyfultoes. Let's assume, just for fun, that you are paid to work 9am-5pm. If one of your clients/customers demanded your time at 9pm to suit their working schedule, you'd be happy with that? And if you weren't happy, it would be reasonable for them to whine about the amount of annual leave you take as justification? Or tell you that people in another sector were more accommodating, irrespective of the fact that those people's salaries might be compensation for that inconvenience?

Thought not.

And, for absolute clarity, I spent 20-something years in a highly competitive private sector field before moving into teaching. I quartered my salary and doubled my workload but am delighted with my choice. Teaching kids is fantastic. My biggest frustration? Parents who expect absolute satisfaction without understanding, input or compromise.

justfiveminutes · 08/07/2022 03:10

"yes and also 17 weeks holiday a year so surely staying till 6pm once in a while isn’t such an issue. Anyway, usually the concerts etc have minimal teacher involvement bar one or two of them."

It is 13 weeks and we are only paid for four of them if that makes you feel better.

Who else do you expect to work significantly beyond their contracted hours? Maybe your doctor stays until 8pm when you need a late appointment? I bet estate agents, hairdressers, solicitors are all happy to stay open for you are they?

It is awful actually that, because teachers are happy to do it sometimes - disco, play, Xmas fair or whatever - some parents, instead of thinking thank you, think do that more often please, I would prefer you to be inconvenienced than me.

And actually even that isn't as simple as you think. Whenever we run things after working hours we receive complaints that it is a busy time for families, parents need to prepare dinner, children need to get ready for bed and so on, why can't this happen during the school day.

We don't issue a court summons to attend anything. So why can't you just accept that these events are going to happen and, if you can't attend, that's fine, no one is judging you for that.

justfiveminutes · 08/07/2022 03:15

"It's impossible for working parents yet we get message after message stacking on the guilt saying that if they don't have support they'll have to cancel."

I don't think anyone should be made to feel guilty. We only need parents for trips. But I suppose the answer at your school is to allow the event to be cancelled because then they will think more carefully about how these are planned, staffed and scheduled in future.

WendellGeez · 08/07/2022 03:42

many of us could read fluently in reception @Babdoc who taught you to read then?

manysummersago · 08/07/2022 04:32

It’s not uncommon for children to be taught to read by a parent. I was.