To want my partner to learn how to drive

[EllieRosesMammy]

Just that really. We have two children, another on the way. I drive, my partner doesn't. Meaning that to go anywhere everyone relies on me. I want my partner to be able to drive too so we could split the driving, especially when we go on days out because its exhausting.

He keeps saying he will learn to drive but it never happens. I've got a feeling he's really nervous about it (gave him a go of driving my car round a carpark and dear god it was awful). But everyone learning to drive is nervous surely! If he didn't spend his teen years wasting his money then maybe he would of learned to drive at 17 like the rest of us 🤦‍♀️

There's a difference between being the sole driver because there's no other choice and being it because your partner can't be arsed to learn to drive, though.

That's like saying it's okay for her to do all the housework while he sleeps on the sofa and doesn't work because that's what single mums do.

If there is an adult who CAN pull their weight, they SHOULD.

Arrange lessons for him and get his lazy ass in to gear

YANBU!

Haha, this post could have been written by me. My DH finally got his provisional licence the other week but has made absolutely no effort whatsoever to secure driving lessons. It also falls to me to drive everywhere (including him to the hospital, which is 50 minutes in the car or almost three hours by public transport) in the middle of my working day for an issue that wouldn't prevent him from driving. It's a real pain in the arse.

Can you book him lessons, OP? "Surprise! You're learning to drive."

I desperately wanted to learn at 17. Lived rurally, mum couldn’t drive and dad worked away for months but he wouldn’t let me learn and my babysitting wouldn’t cover it. I started learning at 19 but circumstances meant I didn’t get the opportunity properly until 23 when I was married.

I would research driving schools and find somewhere that includes some off road starter lessons then book a few lessons for during a week. Birthday/ early Christmas present? If he is very nervous not having to worry about other traffic should help. Good luck.

Yanbu. I agree with pp that I wouldn’t even start a relationship with a man who doesn’t drive - my (adult) brother also hasn’t and it’s debilitating for him and frustrating for everyone else with needing lifts/public transport times etc - there’s just no way I’d welcome this unnecessary complication into my life from a partner (live rurally so the impact is very pronounced but generally agree it’s just very unattractive if the choice was to not bother learning in the first place).

So is empathy.

People don’t drive for many reasons- dyspraxia makes it much harder for example.

Is it really a good idea for someone who is terrified to be behind the wheel?

If you can afford it go for one of the intensive/immersion type courses. My son was in the Army and learned that way.

That's what I'm kind of worried about. He didn't say it but I could sense he really didn't enjoy when he drove my car around for a bit. I don't want to push him in to something he's not comfortable doing and then he ends up having a crash.

For example we were driving around in 2nd gear, doing about 10mph. I asked him to apply the break and clutch and it took him a good 5 seconds before he did. Luckily the car park was empty and we were going very slowly. He said it was because his brain kept telling him to apply the break with his left foot instead of his right, which would obviously be no good if he's driving along doing 50mph, you need instant responses not 5 seconds to decide what your feet are doing.

And those saying that you should force him to drive are bonkers.
And not everyone learned to drive at 17.

No one should be on the road with other innocent people if they are terrified

My sister asked her DH to learn to drive when she was pregnant with their 1st child…….. 11 years ago and he STILL hasn’t done it.

she has to do EVERY school run for evermore. It’s shit!

Another sign of being an adult is not looking down at and judging others 🙄

Can he learn to drive an automatic instead? They’re much easier as no clutch/gears to manage. Electric cars also have no gears to change so are similar to driving an automatic.

For his next birthday buying him an intensive driving course, then driving lessons for his Christmas, anniversaries etc and encourage others to do the same.

That should sort it.

That was the plan with us 🤦‍♀️ he was meant to learn to drive "before the baby was born"... I'm still waiting 😂 ill get back to you all in 11 years when I'm still waiting haha

Good for you sweetheart, but mot everyone lives in a city or only wishes to holiday in places with 10/10 public transport.

Everyone who is able should get a license. If they never want to drive after that, whatever, but it’s a necessary skill. I myself was a nervous driver, got hypnotherapy, a good instructor, and passed. Cost me thousands of £££, but I’m now freeeee.

I used public transport for years before and wasted whole days of my life just waiting. Now I zip up and down in a car and it’s so freeing.

Has he got a provisional licence?
Get him one, if not. (He should do it himself, really)
Book some lessons in a dual control car. Then he will not have the fear as much.
Let him see you upset at doing everything even through your exhaustion.

@ItWillBeOkHonestly yes, this u

Oh all these terrible men out there who you couldn't possibly put up with because... they don't drive! 🙄. Some of you need to come out your little middle class cocoons, and see what a real bad man is.

One does expect a few basic standards of behaviour from adults though. Like being able to tie ones own laces or travelling by train alone. Driving is one of them.
Not demanding they enjoy it, just do it safely and not make a fuss.

@ItWillBeOkHonestly oops, sorry not sure what happened there!

Yes, this is definitely my plan. My driving instructor suggested I'd never learn, but I do want to try in an automatic!

Just got to be able to afford some more lessons now 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yet on Mumsnet if a man was forcing a woman to do something she didn't want to do there would be outrage! It is controlling, coercion, etc. Yet if a man doesn't want to drive she is told to make him do it... 😐

It's plenty necessary if you're outside big cities...

And before anyone comes in... There are plenty of places with zero... Or one bus daily.

I know right?!

He's an amazing person, caring, loving, funny, great cook, great in bed😏😂 and overall the full package. With the exception of the driving.

I'd of been crazy to turn him down just because he didn't drive, I hope all these women who straight up reject men due to not driving are perfect themselves. I'll admit it's a bit of a nightmare and I'm tired, but hardly a reason to dismiss someone entirely 🤦‍♀️

My ex drove but he also did no housework, couldn't cook, was emotionally controlling, a cheater and sh*t in bed... But hey, he drives so I guess I'll have him back 😂

Dh learned to drive when ds was a toddler best thing he ever did and I passed shortly after