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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about an inheritance

162 replies

PhryneFisher · 07/07/2022 06:57

A relative of mine died recently and it turns out she was worth quite a lot of money. My aunt is the executor of the will and has told me that she left me some money. They are trying to work out the details but it’s a decent amount (in the sort of £50k bracket).
I personally have never had this much money in my life and am unlikely to again so I want to make sure it’s not wasted. I’m on a relatively low income.
However there are things like a hole in my roof and a cracked window from where it slammed shut in a storm that I haven’t been able to get replaced/repaired because I couldn’t afford it, that sort of thing. Nothing flash but things that could make my life a bit better. So I was thinking of putting at least half away for the future and pretend it’s not there and spending some of the rest but not all.

My issue is my OH spends money like water. He is from a much better off background than me. But he doesn’t appreciate the value of money and as such, never has any.
He inherited £125,000 ten years ago and blew the lot in six months on a new car, holidays, gadgets, tickets. We made a few joint decisions and did some home improvements but most of it went on stuff he decided we needed, but didn’t.
He didn’t save one penny of it.
No-one will lend him money any more because he doesn’t pay it back and we (well, I) manage our finances completely separately.

This money has been left specifically to me and is going into my bank account that he can’t access (because that way I can control the spending from it).

But if I get the work done he will know I have some and he will constantly come up with things we “need” or show me the latest version of something we already have that doesn’t need replacing.

So, am I wrong to lie about the amount, tell him it’s £10,000 and enough to get the roof fixed? I will get the roof fixed anyway, I’m not asking his permission. Either way he won’t have access to it but if he doesn’t know how much I actually have, he can’t make it into an issue.

Before anyone points out the obvious, no, it’s not the most stable relationship on the planet, and we are working on that but the chances of us going the distance are 50/50 at best. So there’s also the element of if we did split up, and I hadn’t told him the true amount he would probably be entitled to half anyway, which isn’t ideal.

What would you do?

OP posts:
CauliWobble · 07/07/2022 06:59

Absolutely reasonable in the circumstances. I think it would be a very good idea.

HollowTalk · 07/07/2022 07:02

Are you married to him? A 50-50 chance of survival really isn't good. Would you be better off splitting up now before you inherit the money?

torquewench · 07/07/2022 07:04

Don't tell them anything except you've saved up enough to get repairs done.

The firm I work for has a couple of clients who've won millions on the lottery but haven't told anyone, not even their husbands or children as theyre also concerned the money would vanish quickly, so it is doable. Interstingly, said clients are all female and from backgrounds where £10k is an absolute fortune.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 07/07/2022 07:09

I agree with the others. Don't tell him. Are you married?

44PumpLane · 07/07/2022 07:10

If you are married I believe inheritance left to one person is typically ring fenced in any settlement as long as it's kept separate.

So if you plough it into a marital asset (ie use to pay off the mortgage) then it's gone, but if you keep it in your bank account then it's yours.

Sensible to sort the roof and cracked window if you can. You also say a bit of his inheritance went on house maintenance so that's also fair. But I agree.....say you got £10k which will cover roof and window repairs and nothing more!

Quitelikeacatslife · 07/07/2022 07:17

Yeah just tell him it's £10k maybe if he comes up with something around £500 for family treat agree to get that to keep him happy and then fix the house up. He won't tot it all up.
If you want to spend anything on house or essentials etc later just say roof wasn't as much as you thought and you've got a bit left
You will feel lovely with a nest egg security

CauliWobble · 07/07/2022 07:18

Quitelikeacatslife · 07/07/2022 07:17

Yeah just tell him it's £10k maybe if he comes up with something around £500 for family treat agree to get that to keep him happy and then fix the house up. He won't tot it all up.
If you want to spend anything on house or essentials etc later just say roof wasn't as much as you thought and you've got a bit left
You will feel lovely with a nest egg security

That's a point maybe throw in a takeaway or a meal put as a the "left overs from the roof"

SeasonFinale · 07/07/2022 07:20

You refer to him as OH and not DH. If not married he won't be entitled to anything

Thecatisboss · 07/07/2022 07:21

Definitely don't tell him.

Are you married though as you would have to declare financials if you split, I think?

DaisyStPatience · 07/07/2022 07:23

He wouldn't be entitled to your inheritance if you divorced, so don't let that sway any decisions you make.

RandomMess · 07/07/2022 07:23

Whether married or not I'd ring fence the entire amount and not spend a penny on the house or household so if you split it doesn't form part of the marital assets - seek solicitor advice on how to do this.

Holymole · 07/07/2022 07:25

Get quotes for the work first, then you can tell him you inherited almost enough to get it done, but saved the rest.

ThreeRingCircus · 07/07/2022 07:25

Are you married to him OP as that changes things a bit? Honestly if you're at the point of having to lie to him because he's a big child and can't control yourself then I'd say the writing is on the wall already but yes, I'd do as you suggest and not tell him the real amount.

ThreeRingCircus · 07/07/2022 07:26

*control himself I meant

AnneElliott · 07/07/2022 07:26

Don't tell him! I agree either say it's £10k and it was spent on the roof or tell him you've been saving.

And how anyone could blow £125k in 6 months is mind boggling! That's a decent chunk of anyones mortgage surely?

evilharpy · 07/07/2022 07:27

Are you actually married?

You could consider using a deed of variation to redirect the inheritance into a trust, which would prevent him having any claim on it in the event of a divorce. Some info here.

ArcticSkewer · 07/07/2022 07:27

DaisyStPatience · 07/07/2022 07:23

He wouldn't be entitled to your inheritance if you divorced, so don't let that sway any decisions you make.

Yes he would.

If it was kept entirely ringfenced she might have a case to keep it, but if it was needed, it would be split.

I know too many women who lost their inheritances on divorce. Really unfair as the men had not yet inherited so they got to keep all their own and half of their wife's.

SparklingPeach · 07/07/2022 07:27

I think this is a sensible plan OP.

CauliWobble · 07/07/2022 07:29

ArcticSkewer · 07/07/2022 07:27

Yes he would.

If it was kept entirely ringfenced she might have a case to keep it, but if it was needed, it would be split.

I know too many women who lost their inheritances on divorce. Really unfair as the men had not yet inherited so they got to keep all their own and half of their wife's.

Show quote history

How does it get ringfenced? Is there a way around this?

CauliWobble · 07/07/2022 07:30

evilharpy · 07/07/2022 07:27

Are you actually married?

You could consider using a deed of variation to redirect the inheritance into a trust, which would prevent him having any claim on it in the event of a divorce. Some info here.

Ah sorry just saw this! Thank you, as someone I'm a similar situation this is useful

Vikinga · 07/07/2022 07:30

I wouldn't spend a penny of it until you 100% decide whether you want to continue with him. It must be really tiring being with someone with wo little regard for your future that he blows £125k in 6 months.

bishbashboshhhhh · 07/07/2022 07:30

If it’s not a stable relationship before investing in this house consider if this inheritance could give you the chance to get rid of him! And start a fresh

SnowyLamb · 07/07/2022 07:31

If they're married I think he would have a claim on the money, especially if it's gone into the family pot by being used for things like the roof.

SnowyLamb · 07/07/2022 07:32

But yes, use the money to get away.

GoldenLightNights · 07/07/2022 07:32

You’re absolutely right, tell him it’s 10k and secretly bank the rest.