To lie about an inheritance

[PhryneFisher]

A relative of mine died recently and it turns out she was worth quite a lot of money. My aunt is the executor of the will and has told me that she left me some money. They are trying to work out the details but it’s a decent amount (in the sort of £50k bracket).
I personally have never had this much money in my life and am unlikely to again so I want to make sure it’s not wasted. I’m on a relatively low income.
However there are things like a hole in my roof and a cracked window from where it slammed shut in a storm that I haven’t been able to get replaced/repaired because I couldn’t afford it, that sort of thing. Nothing flash but things that could make my life a bit better. So I was thinking of putting at least half away for the future and pretend it’s not there and spending some of the rest but not all.

My issue is my OH spends money like water. He is from a much better off background than me. But he doesn’t appreciate the value of money and as such, never has any.
He inherited £125,000 ten years ago and blew the lot in six months on a new car, holidays, gadgets, tickets. We made a few joint decisions and did some home improvements but most of it went on stuff he decided we needed, but didn’t.
He didn’t save one penny of it.
No-one will lend him money any more because he doesn’t pay it back and we (well, I) manage our finances completely separately.

This money has been left specifically to me and is going into my bank account that he can’t access (because that way I can control the spending from it).

But if I get the work done he will know I have some and he will constantly come up with things we “need” or show me the latest version of something we already have that doesn’t need replacing.

So, am I wrong to lie about the amount, tell him it’s £10,000 and enough to get the roof fixed? I will get the roof fixed anyway, I’m not asking his permission. Either way he won’t have access to it but if he doesn’t know how much I actually have, he can’t make it into an issue.

Before anyone points out the obvious, no, it’s not the most stable relationship on the planet, and we are working on that but the chances of us going the distance are 50/50 at best. So there’s also the element of if we did split up, and I hadn’t told him the true amount he would probably be entitled to half anyway, which isn’t ideal.

What would you do?

Blowing £125k in 6 months is unforgivable..............

You really need legal advice on this, OP. If the property is in your name, then yes sort the building work out but if it isn't, then don't.

I am your DH with money. I'm autistic and really struggle with placing my understanding of it into real life situations. If I have it, I spend it. We have a few hundred in savings but if I saw something I wanted I would absolutely just spent it.

In your situation my DH would say 'I have £50k coming, we will spend X on the house and put a small amount in to the spending money to give us a wee boost, and I am keeping the rest in my savings for that rainy day'. He wouldn't lie and I would respect his decision regarding the money.

Your relationship has no honesty or respect.

This is bad. Your relationship if you can't be honest and communicate properly, is in a bad way.
Plus I agree with a previous poster about the information is incorrect about being ring fenced and I think you would/could lose in divorce. Plus the dishonesty makes you look bad in front of divorce lawyers. He'll turn round and say she told me it was only 10 and when all the bank statements are collected their solicitor and he will realise it was actually 50.

@KosherDill

I believe that is incorrect.

I believe @Gatehouse77 is correct:

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"If you are married I believe inheritance left to one person is typically ring fenced in any settlement as long as it's kept separate."

This is factually incorrect. If you are married when the inheritance is received it’s a joint asset. Only ring fenced if inherited before marriage.

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"If you are married I believe inheritance left to one person is typically ring fenced in any settlement as long as it's kept separate."

This is factually incorrect. If you are married when the inheritance is received it’s a joint asset. Only ring fenced if inherited before marriage.

Sorry.

Gatehouse77 says it's only safe if pre marriage.

If your relationship is as shit as it sounds, leave an use this money to set you up for a new, happy life.

@PhryneFisher Lie your ass off woman and don't you dare feel the least bit guilty about it. I'd even tell him it was about £6,000 and that you've got the rest of the roof money from some savings.

BTW, I LOVE your user name. I have all the seasons on Apple but am yet to watch the feature film that came out last year.

You can’t possibly say if this is the case as you don’t know where the OP
lives therefore the law in that country.

You need legal advice.

This. Definitely this.

I wouldn't say buying a car and home improvements were squandering it and the op also stated they made some joint decisions so she spent it too @EarringsandLipstick

Definitely lie. If he gets wind like you said, he'll have spent it before the ink dries on the cheque.....

I mean obviously there are bigger problems in your relationship, how you deal with that is completely up to you.

@Testina I am actually crying at your suggested response 😭

Usually I would say don’t lie in a relationship

But when one is a spender and one a saver it’s different

im shocked he spent £125k in 6mths on crap and has nothing to show for it

a chunk should have paid off a mortgage if have one

or put down on a deposit of a house if rent

so yes lie about the amount. Put rest away into premium bonds while you decide what to do with it

you may win more

I would lie. I had an inheritance recently, about half as much as yours, and I am NOT putting it in the joint account or spending it on new gutters and window frames.

I thought the whole point of a trust was to ringfence money (for tax and future inheritance purposes)..?

I’d echo PPs advice on getting a legal opinion on whether you’d get half on a (hopefully unlikely) divorce.

What do you mean they're figuring out what has been left to you? It should be clear in the will.

lie and see what happens. get the roof fixed and if he is after something extra spend it on yourself. keep the rest of the amount hidden. No point in throwing money away.

You dont trust him and you dont respect him (I wouldn't either) and that means the relationship is dead in the water. So pull the plaster off and end it now. Then you dont have to worry about him wasting your money as well as his own.

Sometimes it's a percentage of monies, it can take months to sort out accounts, investments if any and other things that need to be paid from the estate before divisions take place.

Do you have kids?

Leave him now

Sell the house

Don't put money into fixing it up
Go and live a decent life alone or with someone that prepares for it

Get out now. Especially if you aren't even married. Can't imagine why women stay with these losers. You'd be better off on your own. No one needs a man like this in their life.

We need the op to come back and tell us if she is married but she definitely needs to keep that money quiet whilst she gets advice and gets a plan. If not he’ll just spend that too so then the issue of who has the right to the cash will be resolved. It won’t be there to be argued over in the first place 🤔

I wouldnt tell him. Or if you must then say it's £10k. If he spends money like that I think its a necessity for you to keep quiet to be honest!

If you don't tell him & he gets half of the something you put by, that is more than half of the nothing you'd have left after he nags you into spending it all on rubbish.

If I were you I'd be checking my pension & seeing if some of it needs to be paid in there because that would be money you'd be glad you spent on you in the future.