To lie about an inheritance

[PhryneFisher]

A relative of mine died recently and it turns out she was worth quite a lot of money. My aunt is the executor of the will and has told me that she left me some money. They are trying to work out the details but it’s a decent amount (in the sort of £50k bracket).
I personally have never had this much money in my life and am unlikely to again so I want to make sure it’s not wasted. I’m on a relatively low income.
However there are things like a hole in my roof and a cracked window from where it slammed shut in a storm that I haven’t been able to get replaced/repaired because I couldn’t afford it, that sort of thing. Nothing flash but things that could make my life a bit better. So I was thinking of putting at least half away for the future and pretend it’s not there and spending some of the rest but not all.

My issue is my OH spends money like water. He is from a much better off background than me. But he doesn’t appreciate the value of money and as such, never has any.
He inherited £125,000 ten years ago and blew the lot in six months on a new car, holidays, gadgets, tickets. We made a few joint decisions and did some home improvements but most of it went on stuff he decided we needed, but didn’t.
He didn’t save one penny of it.
No-one will lend him money any more because he doesn’t pay it back and we (well, I) manage our finances completely separately.

This money has been left specifically to me and is going into my bank account that he can’t access (because that way I can control the spending from it).

But if I get the work done he will know I have some and he will constantly come up with things we “need” or show me the latest version of something we already have that doesn’t need replacing.

So, am I wrong to lie about the amount, tell him it’s £10,000 and enough to get the roof fixed? I will get the roof fixed anyway, I’m not asking his permission. Either way he won’t have access to it but if he doesn’t know how much I actually have, he can’t make it into an issue.

Before anyone points out the obvious, no, it’s not the most stable relationship on the planet, and we are working on that but the chances of us going the distance are 50/50 at best. So there’s also the element of if we did split up, and I hadn’t told him the true amount he would probably be entitled to half anyway, which isn’t ideal.

What would you do?

If they’ve not told their husbands, why on earth would they tell a random company?!

I would . My mum is married to a man like your DH and he has now reached retirement age having blown every penny and she has to support them . Mum often has to minimise sums she receives or what she's spent or she'd be destitute

I doubt whether it's a random company, maybe someone giving them financial or legal advice?

I presume the company is a solicitor s, or similar.

@fishonabicycle indeed. wealth management would also be a company bound by confidentiality with a picture of someone's financial position.

Presumably it's a financial services company looking after their money.

*What would you do?
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I'd reconsider your relationship with this man;he frittered away 125K which is horrendous and you have to manage your finances because he can't be trusted and now your considering lying about an inheritance because he'd try to financially abuse you.

Put the money into premium bonds or your pension plan which is the better of the two. Leave £20k in premium bonds and £30k in a pension plan so you're not tempted to spend it. Don't count 9n having a rich retirement with your spendthrift husband.

Why didn't your husband pay off the mortgage with the inheritance?

Presumably because the poster works for a financial advisor or wealth management company, not that hard to work out

Years ago I worked at a similar place that had links with the National Lottery but I dont know if anyone hid their winnings

OP - I'd us the money to leave him, who wants to be tied to someone like that?

I'd think what needs doing in the house, add it up and tell him that plus £500 is what you've inherited. The £500 can be spent on treats.

I would have walked when he blew £125k on nothing. How anyone can respect a grown adult who acts so pathetically irresponsibly, I don’t know. That kind of money is life changing and only someone lacking seriously in brain cells wouldn’t have used it to better their own life and their family’s. And you say he’s basically a thief - borrows money which he doesn’t pay back? Ugh. Keep him well away from your aunt’s money and I hope you find the strength to walk away.

spend it on a divorce lawyer.
maybe put some of it aside for a deposit for a new place for you.

If you are married I believe inheritance left to one person is typically ring fenced in any settlement as long as it's kept separate.

This is factually incorrect. If you are married when the inheritance is received it’s a joint asset. Only ring fenced if inherited before marriage.

I could not be with (married to?) someone I had to lie to because of this.
So I’d either get rid of them, or I’d be totally honest. “I have £50K and you sure as fuck are not wasting it like you did yours - if you show me a new TV on your phone one more time, I’m going to shove that phone up your arse.” (as you can see, the first option is better!)
Staying married to someone who necessitated this degree of lying just wouldn’t work for me. Plus, I’m too confident of my own financial decisions to lie about them. What a way to live.

All of this. I would either end the relationship because there's no trust or respect there or I'd be very, incredibly blunt that this is what you inherited and this is what you have decided to do. It's non-negotiable.

Can you ask for two separate pay outs, one to go into your joint account which you're adamant will be for repairs, the other secretly into your own account? You shouldn't be under any pressure to spend the money unless it's right for you.

My DH inherited money from his DM, in all fairness he paid the mortgage off but still has £20k in his own account - really doesn't bother me - I trust him and in the end it'll actually benefit us both, whether for a house moved, a nice holiday or him just having a few treats for himself which I'll enjoy as it'll be nice to see him enjoy them.

Dont tell him. Once it's paid into your bank account I would probably transfer it to a post office account as they don't send statements.

Are you in employment? If not, you can still put a small amount each year into a pension fund which will also receive a notional tax rebate.

If you are earning, you can put (up to) your taxable earnings into it each tax year.

It will be away from grasping fingers if you do.

Would be buy an 'I've been saving carefully' line? My concern with a made up inheritance figure is he might push and ask more questions.

Also, are you married?

So you are going to lie to him but think the relationship is fixable? I don't think you would be wrong to lie exactly but I do think it says that some part of you has decided that the relationship isn't fixable and I think that part of you is right. So I'd keep quiet about the whole thing and dump the deadbeat.

Clearly not unreasonable but why are John with him? He frittered away €125k - huge amount - that could have transformed your life.

There's no trust there.

this

OP
I inherited some money from my aunt which DH knew about but when my mum died I didn’t tell him how much and I banked it in my own account. It is a great feeling of security to me so I would say keep the amount secret.
The other money is invested and he reads the reports though he can’t get his hands on it personally because it is all in my name.

Blowing that much in 6 months is shocking and you have every right to keep the amount quiet especially if OH rather than DH. You may decide to split in future and that will give you the way out. Just say you received a small inheritance and make sure you destroy the paperwork and that anyone near you doesn’t blab. My sister nearly told DH how much it was. You wont regret keeping the amount quiet believe me.

I can’t get over the fact he blew £125k that’s crazy 🤯

Not unreasonable at all to keep it from him although given he didn’t give you access to his inheritance I’m not sure how he can expect access to yours anyway.

I’d do this but would also start proceedings to leave. You deserve better @PhryneFisher and now you have this money it’s time. 💐