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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

313 replies

coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:14

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

OP posts:
Oestrogelsmuggler · 07/07/2022 15:51

Provenceinthesummer · 06/07/2022 12:38

I most definitely do move in different circles to many pp on here, and that is not a negative In my humble view!

My friends have impeccable manners and grace, and would not dream of plugging gaps in such a brash and half witted way!! No, the dinner mats would be quietly removed, or the catering numbers discreetly reduced and that would be the end of it!

I lament the loss of social etiquette and good manners in this great country.

If you had good manners you wouldn't be anonymously judging strangers on the internet.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 07/07/2022 16:20

coodawoodashooda · 06/07/2022 11:01

Honestly I would invite them another time to something else. It feels shit.

Show quote history

But would it feel shit if you weren't already feeling shit about yourself?

I've been a last minute invite to lots of things, because I've bumped into them in the street or text to say do you fancy a pint and they've replied "Actually, we're having a party next week, why don't you come?"

Yeah, I wasn't their first thought, but they still wanted me there in the end, so how is that a bad thing?

There could be any number of reasons for why you weren't invited. Maybe they forgot about you, maybe they've gotten used to not inviting you because your husband is a twat, and they've just realised that they can invite you now without him. Maybe they thought you won't enjoy it because it's mostly couples, and now they've changed their mind. The ONLY thing you know from this invitation is that they'd like you to be there.

And they're not asking for you to be there because they want to hear about your new extension or your holidays. No-one actually enjoys hearing about that crap because it's dull and boring and its just time filler before you all get a bit tipsy and start talking about absolute bollocks instead.

So if you want to see these people, then go, and if you can't be arsed then don't. But if you've been invited at all, it's because people want to see you.

Tandora · 07/07/2022 16:26

I like it when I’m an afterthought! To me it means people I’m not particularly close to still value me and think of me, and want me at their event if there’s space! Surely that’s a complement? Maybe I’m weird… Obviously I would feel differently if it were my best friend doing the invites- but presumably that isn’t the case OP?
id go if you want to go, and not if you don’t. When you were invited doesn’t need to have any bearing imv.

Grumpybird · 07/07/2022 18:12

This happened to me. A wedding taking place Bumped into the bride to be who made a grand gesture about having my invitation and will post it through (despite me knowing the invites had gone out weeks earlier). Didn’t happen and I wasn’t bothered as we weren’t close anymore. Yet told mutual friends I didn’t bother to RSVP

moodybluehpc · 07/07/2022 18:24

Not in a million years would i go

Rhaenys · 07/07/2022 18:33

I’m currently going through this. I was invited as a +1 to a close family member’s wedding. I feel quite hurt by it and it’s made be not want to go but there’s no way I can get out of it. This isn’t the first time it’s happened either.

VerbenaGirl · 07/07/2022 18:42

Wouldn’t bother me, but don’t go to a party you don’t want to go to.

Dreamsofus · 07/07/2022 18:47

I once received a hand-delivered invitation less than two days before the wedding - the bride text me to say she had put it through the post box and sorry for keep forgetting to send it to me. I didn’t respond.

RampantIvy · 07/07/2022 18:47

Rhaenys · 07/07/2022 18:33

I’m currently going through this. I was invited as a +1 to a close family member’s wedding. I feel quite hurt by it and it’s made be not want to go but there’s no way I can get out of it. This isn’t the first time it’s happened either.

What do you mean as a +1. Are you the partner of someone who was invited?

bluesapphire48 · 07/07/2022 18:47

It would depend on whether I thought I would like the party anyway. I would make plans to leave early if I got any funny or unpleasant vibes from the host.

THEDEACON · 07/07/2022 18:54

I'd not go I'd RSVP my refusal of the invite stating I see I'm late for the RSVP date but as you know I was only sent the invite after that date

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 07/07/2022 18:55

Dreamsofus · 07/07/2022 18:47

I once received a hand-delivered invitation less than two days before the wedding - the bride text me to say she had put it through the post box and sorry for keep forgetting to send it to me. I didn’t respond.

I wouldn't respond to something like that either. Do you stay in touch with her?

OP posts:
Rhaenys · 07/07/2022 19:31

No I was invited as the +1 to my father. I wasn’t explicitly invited myself.

Harls1969 · 07/07/2022 19:31

I'd probably not go if I was on the first list! I'm usually invited as an afterthought as most people know I hate social events. Just say you've already got plans.

Rhaenys · 07/07/2022 19:33

Rhaenys · 07/07/2022 19:31

No I was invited as the +1 to my father. I wasn’t explicitly invited myself.

Sorry Tate was meant to @RampantIvy

Quote fail 🙈

Gingernan · 07/07/2022 19:42

Well I have done. My partner was invited to his nieces wedding,the whole day.I was invited to the evening party only. I was a bit miffed as we have been dating for years, but I understood about numbers,so was ok. As it turned out someone dropped out so I was invited to the whole day. I'm not that proud and I love a wedding. It was a great day and my partner was pleased to have me there all day.

YorkshireRog · 07/07/2022 20:50

I think people often overthink stuff like this. So what if it was a late invite? It is still an invite. Forget your hang ups and go and have a nice time. This stuff doesn’t matter - life is too short!

RampantIvy · 07/07/2022 20:54

YorkshireRog · 07/07/2022 20:50

I think people often overthink stuff like this. So what if it was a late invite? It is still an invite. Forget your hang ups and go and have a nice time. This stuff doesn’t matter - life is too short!

I totally agree. Some people are just too easily offended.

EddyReadyGo · 07/07/2022 21:03

if Your ex was rude and alienated your friends and you are feeling lost then DEF you should go. Ignore the date thing. Personally I would not have even noticed that.

practise some things to say about what you are doing, practise some deflection lines ‘oh god super busy, like every one is ! But how about you ?!’. Wear your favourite clothes and at least stay for an hour.

this could be the start of something fab, why waste the chance?

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 07/07/2022 21:06

It all depends on who was doing the inviting and if I had other friends going. I was invited to a Christening the day before it and knew it was a last minute thing and I did not go as had nothing bought for the baby or anything sorted to wear and just felt too anxious to be going alone so just made an excuse. Am going to visit them tomorrow with gift. Sometimes their numbers start adding up and one half invites someone and then the other half will want to invite others so am guessing half the time they do not mean any harm by it as were trying to keep numbers down.

RollOnWinter · 07/07/2022 21:08

No, I'd say I was busy (even if that wasn't true). I refuse to be a 2nd-thought choice for anyone.

Autumn61 · 07/07/2022 21:13

You say ,”I wish I’d known weeks ago and I would have jumped at it but I’ve now been invited to a party in New York all expenses paid, and I’ve agreed to go, I’ve never flown first class before”.
only problem there is you need to hide for a whole weekend . Stock up on Prosecco and goodies and it won’t be a problem .You can actually ‘check in’ at an airport without being in it !

RampantIvy · 07/07/2022 21:38

RollOnWinter · 07/07/2022 21:08

No, I'd say I was busy (even if that wasn't true). I refuse to be a 2nd-thought choice for anyone.

I don't understand this view. You have no idea why the invitation was issued after the others. Being too proud to do something isn't a great personality trait.

Kite22 · 07/07/2022 21:53

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 07/07/2022 16:20

But would it feel shit if you weren't already feeling shit about yourself?

I've been a last minute invite to lots of things, because I've bumped into them in the street or text to say do you fancy a pint and they've replied "Actually, we're having a party next week, why don't you come?"

Yeah, I wasn't their first thought, but they still wanted me there in the end, so how is that a bad thing?

There could be any number of reasons for why you weren't invited. Maybe they forgot about you, maybe they've gotten used to not inviting you because your husband is a twat, and they've just realised that they can invite you now without him. Maybe they thought you won't enjoy it because it's mostly couples, and now they've changed their mind. The ONLY thing you know from this invitation is that they'd like you to be there.

And they're not asking for you to be there because they want to hear about your new extension or your holidays. No-one actually enjoys hearing about that crap because it's dull and boring and its just time filler before you all get a bit tipsy and start talking about absolute bollocks instead.

So if you want to see these people, then go, and if you can't be arsed then don't. But if you've been invited at all, it's because people want to see you.

Show quote history

This is a great post - as is @Tandora 's.

I also totally agree with @RampantIvy . Can't understand why you would choose to sit in / home alone / never go out, just because of some weird hang up about the timing of the invitation.

Mamanyt · 07/07/2022 23:03

LOL, I might not...but only if I could come up with something vastly interesting to do that night, somewhere public. And could let people know that's where I was (and hint that it was a previous engagement). I actually did that for my senior prom (do you guys have that?). Nobody asked me to go, and rather go as a single girl, one of my dad's business associate's sons flew me to New Orleans for a dinner out in the French Quarter, with LOTS of photos.