Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

[coodawoodashooda]

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

I've had a few like that in my time!

I remember one from a male friend who had just split with his girlfriend that said something on the lines of "Now I need a woman to go to the work's do with and you've got a few nice frocks so am asking you first"

I decided to laugh.

I admit I've also gone a bit out of spite once (person had done to me before) purely because a nice meal & drinks was being offered. I enjoyed what I wanted & left early. My little two fingers up. I no longer bother with them.

Did I actually just read this? Someone is mortally offended at not being top of the invitation list but goes to the event anyway, deliberately being a wet blanket and leaving early for spite, to ‘stick two fingers up’? Then cuts the hosts out of her social circle? How ungracious.

She didn't mean any harm by it. My breast size is a long-standing joke in our group of friends. I'm 38FF naturally. The next biggest in the group is a C-cup. I have no hang-ups , I'm very comfortable with who and what I am 🙂

I would if I wanted to go. I was once invited a a NYE party on the actual day of the party. I'd been invited the year before in plenty of time but had subsequently been downgraded. The previous year's party had been shit and the host was not someone I was keen on so I politely declined. I then saw via Facebook that lots of guests had not gone for various reasons so I was obviously a last minute filler!

It sounds like you've had a really tough time recently OP and I don't blame you for not wanting to go to the party - particularly if topics of conversation revolve around things like new extensions and trips to Disneyland, my god that sounds so boring!

However, if you do want to stay friends with these people, then I recommend going. The only caveat I have though, is would they make you feel worse? Are they the sort who look down on people who are not the same as them? In which case, don't go and find some new friends.

The whole business of being 'a' or 'b' list is, imo, juvenile. Some of you need to grow up and realise that the world doesn't revolve around you.

(Ok, I have now officially turned into my mum!)

Christ, I’ve read some wanky shit on MN in my time, but this…

They didn’t hang about outside begging to be let in, for heaven’s sake. They liked the couple enough to go to the evening event, so why wouldn’t they go to the full day if they were free once a space was available?

I know some MNers like to act like an evening only wedding invite is only mildly less offensive than a slap in the face with a stocking full of hot shit, but a lot of people are capable of having friendships of differing levels of closeness without it being a drama.

There's a fearsome amount of over thinking going on over the previous pages. There's no party that can include everyone so as someone said upthread, everyone is potentialIy an oversight at some point. It's really not worth looking for motives or trying to measure friendship value. Instead, treat the invitation as you would any event and check whether you are (a) available on the date and (b) think it is a party you'd like to attend. If 'yes' to both then go. End of. It's only a party after all.

I agree that being single can have a difficult effect on social lives but I can also assure you that widowhood has a habit of making you disappear entirely! Which is why I made a resolution not to over-analyse the motivation behind any invitations.

This puts it really well! I've been in both situations as a host.

Also the scenario where you know and like X, you're not super close to them but would like to get to know them better, but it'd be a bit weird to invite them to a party where they won't know anyone else. So you wait to see if your mutual friends N and Z can make it, and if so, you then invite X.

Or sometimes the type of party expands - " 2 or 3 friends over for lunch" can easily turn into "well the sun's going to be out so why not invite loads of people and make it a party".

Or when I used to invite people via Facebook and got bored or distracted halfway through, so all the people in the second half of the alphabet received their invites a week later.

The whole business of being 'a' or 'b' list is, imo, juvenile. Some of you need to grow up and realise that the world doesn't revolve around you.

I totally agree.
@coodawoodashooda please ignore the posters who are either so insecure or so far up themselves that they would only go somewhere that they have been invited if they had been first on the list and had received a gold plated invitation delivered by unicorns.

There are loads of reasons why the invitation was late. As well as the ones given it could be that the post was delyaed or someone had spotted you and thought "I haven't seen coodawoodashooda for ages, let's invite her"

The OP isn't in a good place right now and those posters who keep insisting that she is an insignificant afterthought should stop puttting the boot in, especially @Provenceinthesummer who clearly moves in different circles to many of us on here.

Agree, lots of people so up themselves on here about this

GET OVER YOURSELVES!

I most definitely do move in different circles to many pp on here, and that is not a negative In my humble view!

My friends have impeccable manners and grace, and would not dream of plugging gaps in such a brash and half witted way!! No, the dinner mats would be quietly removed, or the catering numbers discreetly reduced and that would be the end of it!

I lament the loss of social etiquette and good manners in this great country.

🙄

😄I’m picturing one of those chilly dinners where there’s polite conversation across a vast space punctuated by several silences filled only with the tinkle of a soup spoon.

And thereby confirming to them that they were absolute correct to not have you on the A list!!

Downton Abbey is being repeated again on TV at the moment, isn't it? At least the actors know they're only acting.

This really, really made me laugh. Bonus ‘this great country’ as well!

I was taking you seriously until this post. But you've overplayed your hand there. Funny though.

I got invited to a wedding at a weeks notice. I declined.

........and missed out on what could have been a lovely occasion.

I went to a wedding once when I got a phone call late on the Friday afternoon, and they explained someone was unwell and not able to come, last minute, so would Iike to. (I would have been at the service, and was going to the evening do). I thanked them very much for thinking of me and accepted. We had a lovely day.

OP, in the situation you describe where you are feeling low and not getting out much, it seems even odder to me that you want to refuse an invitation you do have, just because it has arrived later. Sounds like you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I genuinely don't understand people who look to be offended by things. If you want to go to the party / BBQ / 'do' / event, then why not just go? I presume there will not be a sign given to you when you get there to hang round your neck, saying "I was invited as an after thought" ? Just go along and enjoy the evening / day / event.

I wouldn't let this stop me attending, unless the hosts have form for doing this.

Sometimes people just forget. I invited some people to my (big) wedding 2 weeks before the day! They showed up happily, as would I have if situations were reversed.

I totally get this. I had a similar situation after my divorce with a mutual friend's wedding. I was just honest with them about how I felt and in the end we met for a meal separately and I wished them well in their marriage. Turns out the woman was feeling completely conflicted and because my ex-husband was more socially active with many of the other guests, they had opted to invite him sooner. She then invited me later because she felt guilty for not having included me from the start.
I'm glad I was honest because she got chance to explain, I politely declined the invite and in the end it was a win win. To be honest facing my ex at that stage would have been too difficult. I was still too hurt. Besides, their special day shouldn't have involved mine and my ex's divorce politics.

Not sure if that helps. I hope the divorce politics get easier for you. It truly sucks and can scar for a long time if you let it! Keep strong :)

If you’re trying to paints some sort of aspirational picture of your life and chum set, you’re failing miserably, @Provenceinthesummer!!

You’re either on the wind up, or painfully socially unaware. You sound no fun at all.

You’re either on the wind up, or painfully socially unaware.

She is on the wind up

She is Valerie Jones.......

My friends have impeccable manners and grace, and would not dream of plugging gaps in such a brash and half witted way!! No, the dinner mats would be quietly removed, or the catering numbers discreetly reduced and that would be the end of it!

"Brash and half witted"
I, OTOH, am fortunate enough to have friends who are actually friendly, and think about welcoming people rather than following some sort of made up rule book.

I lament the loss of social etiquette and good manners in this great country.

I feel sad about some manners not being upheld too, but I am also very glad that some other things have relaxed and changed in an evolving society with fewer class rules and discriminatory rules than there were 50 years ago or 100 years ago. Overall, I think the rules of society are generally changing for the better.

Sending you these 💐
if it makes you feel any better - I am fat (yes really) I am pretty grumpy at the best of times and my hair is almost permanently tied up - I accept I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s their problem not mine!
Love yourself and give yourself a break - whatever the reason for the late invite, they still asked you and sometimes the events we really don’t want to go to or worry about the most, turn out to be the best!
Whatever YOU decide has to be right for YOU and no one else xxx