Can I ask you if you think I'm lazy?

[dhisaknob]

I have 3 kids oldest is 5 middle one is 3 and youngest is 12 weeks.

I do all the night feeds and then I will do the last feed at 6 and then I will get up. Feed kids get them ready for school & nursery. DH will drop them off and I will stay at home with the baby and clean and tidy. Then around 10:00am I will get back into bed with baby with a cuppa try and nap or just relax. DH will drop DD back from nursery at 12 then he goes back to his office. I will do lunch for me and DD and then we will get back into bed we will then usually all fall asleep.

Then about 1:30 I will get up shower and get babies next feed ready. Then I will stay downstairs for the rest of the day and do dinner etc.

DH will pop in and see me napping or whatever and will accuse me of being lazy and will say"why don't you just up get dressed and take the kids out instead of getting back into bed"

It works for me because if I don't catch up on some sleep I will feel groggy all day. No I don't do much with the kids during the week but we are out every weekend without fail.

Aibu?

”lazy” is the far end of a spectrum

and whilst the op is certainly not at the far end of the spectrum, I would say she is definitely closer to that end of the spectrum than the other end.

OP - as I say upthread. I recommend doing the school run, presuming it’s a walk. Especially at this time of year. Throw on a pair of sunnies and then go for a walk or coffee afterwards, preferably with a friend

Up and at’em OP!! It’s a beautiful day

Think you are lazy for backing away from the conversation about your DH doing a night feed.

My family is very up and at em type. When my kids were younger my mum (in hindsight) relentlessly bullied me into doing more, more baby groups, more cleaning, going back to work and generally doing everything to the Nth. My children were extremely poor sleepers.
I have a legacy of enduring physical and mental health illnesses from that time which I would assume are lifelong.
Take care of yourself op, you’re the only mum they have.

Presumably this arrangement will come to a natural end in a week or two anyway? Summer holidays will be here so you'll have your older children around to entertain. Then, by the time school goes back your baby will probably be a bit too big to just stay in bed with and hopefully in a more settled routine at night. Your 3 year old May well be resistant to 1.5 hours in bed after nursery too.
It wasn't a bad strategy at all whilst the baby was new and unsettled and I definitely don't think you're lazy. As a long term thing though? That could become a bit unhealthy.

No, you're not lazy. You're doing what you need to do to make sure that you're well rested. This is a short period of your lives where you're doing what you can to make sure all needs are met. It won't be long before both kids need less daytime sleep and the baby sleeps for longer periods in the night and your routine will change again.

Keep doing what works for you.

So your routine is:

• overnight night feeds
• up 6am to 10am, feeding kids, getting them ready, tidying and cleaning
• 10am to 12 resting/napping
• 12 to 12:30pm lunch for 3 year old
• 12:30 to 1:30pm nap
• post 1:30pm up for the rest of the day.

I think that sounds fine! It's only 3 hours resting/napping, which you need after broken nights.

In the afternoon, I would take them out to the park / shops / play in garden / visit granny etc, since it's good to get out every day.

Who picks up the 5 year old?

But the bigger issue is that your husband needs to share the night wakings.

Is the baby up at 6?

If not, wouldn't it make more sense for you to get more sleep then?

Could you fetch the 3yr old?

What is it though that your husband would like you to be doing?

And what is he willing to do to support that?

You get up at 6am have everyone breakfasted and ready for school/nursery and clean the house. Then have a bit of down time for a couple of hours with your baby at 10am then sort out your toddler at 12pm (so you are not in fact in bed at 12, you're doing lunch for you and your toddler at 12) and nap for a bit afterwards with your toddler and baby till 1:30.

to be clear you have about 3 hours rest after a night of broken sleep due to being the only one that does night feeds for your newborn.

MN is full of martyrs, all this you’re lazy/that’s a lot of sleep, sure it’s fine if you choose to exist on no sleep. OP is very she I’ll taking care of herself and recognises her limits, she’s far from lazy and is taking care of her family and doing a hell of a lot more than her partner is. He really ought to do a night of wakings you can do school runs in return. See how long he copes.

So you've never met a lazy mother? Because they do exist. (Not necessarily including the OP in that category). I have known mothers and fathers who do the barest minimum, consistently put their own needs first, fob their children off on anyone who'll have them, etc. Having responsibility for a child or children sadly doesn't always translate into taking responsibility. Motherhood doesn't turn a previously lazy, unmotivated or selfish person into someone else. They may do more than they did before but still much less than ideal.

Does your partner work from home OP?