Can I ask you if you think I'm lazy?

[dhisaknob]

I have 3 kids oldest is 5 middle one is 3 and youngest is 12 weeks.

I do all the night feeds and then I will do the last feed at 6 and then I will get up. Feed kids get them ready for school & nursery. DH will drop them off and I will stay at home with the baby and clean and tidy. Then around 10:00am I will get back into bed with baby with a cuppa try and nap or just relax. DH will drop DD back from nursery at 12 then he goes back to his office. I will do lunch for me and DD and then we will get back into bed we will then usually all fall asleep.

Then about 1:30 I will get up shower and get babies next feed ready. Then I will stay downstairs for the rest of the day and do dinner etc.

DH will pop in and see me napping or whatever and will accuse me of being lazy and will say"why don't you just up get dressed and take the kids out instead of getting back into bed"

It works for me because if I don't catch up on some sleep I will feel groggy all day. No I don't do much with the kids during the week but we are out every weekend without fail.

Aibu?

[TiddleyWink]

@Plantlady10

Also whats wrong with being a bit lazy anyway? Life isnt about making things as hard as possible for yourself. My baby is 6 months old and its not unusual for us to still be in bed at 10am, very rarely up before 9am. I dont see a problem with this!

I guess the husband’s concern is the three year old. Being lazy and sleeping as much of you can is fab if you just have a newborn at home but this js the reality of having multiple kids.

[Fushiadreams]

I’m not sure to be honest I don’t think it’s great to keep going back to bed like this. Is your baby up multiple times a night? I can see why he might be a bit concerned if it seems like you put them to bed a lot.

[Kinsters]

I don't think that's lazy. I do pretty much the same (although don't tend to do the morning nap now DS is a bit older). I'll have a snooze with 2.5yr old and 6month old after lunch if I'm tired though. 2.5yr old normally does 2 hours and 6month old a bit less than that. After nap time we might go somewhere but not always - playing at home is just fine too. It's not like you're depriving the children of anything if they're napping anyway.

[Fuzzy303]

Sorry but yes, staying in bed until 1.30 pm would worry me for your well being.

[dhisaknob]

I think if I stopped doing a huge clean after the kids went to school and nursery I wouldn't be so tired, but then I kind of like it as I don't have to think about cleaning for the rest of the day. I guess as others have said it's not going to last forever so I may as well enjoy it while I can.

I had PND with DD (3 year old) but I wasn't looking after myself and DH was gone from
5 in the morning until 7 at night and I struggled terribly I even started to dislike the kids. Im much happier this time round so I must be doing something right.

[Fushiadreams]

Hmmm the huge clean is a bit confusing as you said earlier you were back in bed by ten with a cup of tea relaxing?

[ANUsernam]

I recommend doing one of two things (or both): 1) one weekend wake him up every single time you wake during the night/ when you get up in the morning and make him get up with you (and call him lazy and ask why he's still in bed every time you do), I appreciate this is adding an extra job for you, but my bet is that after a couple of nights of actually experiencing your routine he'll be crying out for a nap too (and you've been doing it for months so probably have an accumulated sleep debt). 2) get yourself and your partner fitbits (or similar) that can track your sleep and wear them 24-7, then see how much sleep (and sleep quality) you're actually each getting.

Obviously without knowing the details of when you go to bed at night and how often your baby is awake in the night, we don't know how much total sleep you're actually getting, my guess would be it's not excessive at all you're just making up for your broken sleep, but if in fact the tracking shows that you are needing an excessive amount then I'd see the GP in case you are deficient in something etc. (Which still wouldn't qualify as lazy, it would be a medical issue)

[Provenceinthesummer]

Of course you are not lazy!!

[ImWithSuperman]

@K8Shrop

When should she catch up on sleep otherwise?

Would you tell her husband that he’s wasting his night by sleeping? He could be up doing a bit of DIY, ironing or batch cooking some meals? Who neees sleep?

Just because it’s daytime doesn’t automatically mean you don’t need sleep if you gavnt got much the night before.

[AryaStarkWolf]

@Plantlady10

Also whats wrong with being a bit lazy anyway? Life isnt about making things as hard as possible for yourself. My baby is 6 months old and its not unusual for us to still be in bed at 10am, very rarely up before 9am. I dont see a problem with this!

Amen to that!!

[Icanstillrecallourlastsummer]

My initial thought was that while it isn't exactly lazy, it's quite a disjointed way to live and I am not sure it's great for wellbeing to spend - seemingly - hours in bed during the day every day (10-12 and then again 12ish -1:30?, is that right). Doesn't it interfer with the quality of sleep you get at night (even with night wakings)?. But, then again, the baby/ night waking phas eis so tough, and it's only time limited, so as long as everyone is happy and fed, and it gives you some rest, why not.

[dhisaknob]

@Fushiadreams it's in my first post

[AliceMcK]

What your doing is absolutely fine, you’ve had 3 in 5 years, your allowed to bloody rest as much as you want, I did exactly the same. Never mind the fact his mum comes across as super woman, she’s currently not looking after 3 children 5 and under. I use to get comments about my mother having 3 children, working 2 jobs and she had the house spotless blah blah blah, well woopty fucking do! I did things my way and screw anyone else. You sound like your doing what’s best for you, keep it up.

[AryaStarkWolf]

@dhisaknob

I think if I stopped doing a huge clean after the kids went to school and nursery I wouldn't be so tired, but then I kind of like it as I don't have to think about cleaning for the rest of the day. I guess as others have said it's not going to last forever so I may as well enjoy it while I can.

I had PND with DD (3 year old) but I wasn't looking after myself and DH was gone from
5 in the morning until 7 at night and I struggled terribly I even started to dislike the kids. Im much happier this time round so I must be doing something right.

Wow you would think your DH would be delighted that you're doing OK this time round in that case. Sounds like he needs to hear a few home truths and also your nursery aged child is going to stop having naps in the day soon so enjoy them while you can!!

[Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic]

You do what suits you, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. If you are tired and need to rest/sleep and the children are happy to do so to then it's noone elses business. I think your DH needs to be kinder and more understanding as to how hard lack of sleep and caring for babies and children can be. Show him this thread and all the support you have on here. Keep going, you're doing great and i'm sure your children would rather you were well rested and happy than run ragged and miserable!

[stayingpositiveifpossible]

Sounds like you have found a good rhythm for yourself - midwives always say 'sleep when the baby sleeps'.

[Annoyingkidstv]

@dhisaknob

I think if I stopped doing a huge clean after the kids went to school and nursery I wouldn't be so tired, but then I kind of like it as I don't have to think about cleaning for the rest of the day. I guess as others have said it's not going to last forever so I may as well enjoy it while I can.

I had PND with DD (3 year old) but I wasn't looking after myself and DH was gone from
5 in the morning until 7 at night and I struggled terribly I even started to dislike the kids. Im much happier this time round so I must be doing something right.

I don’t think you need to be doing a huge clean at this time of the morning, surely. Your dh can easily get 2 older kids ready for school while you sleep on a bit, and he can also manage to quickly tidy up before he leaves. If he’s getting a full nights sleep he can get up early 6:30 to fit all this in before he starts work. It’d be easier to do night feeds in bed for you rather than getting up & about and thus losing more sleep ie. Use hot & cold flask etc if bottle feeding, bring them up to bed at night. Are you going to bed very late? Surely it’d be easier and more time efficient all round to just stay in bed a bit later in the mornings, than be going back to bed and not showered etc until after lunch.

[ApplesandBunions]

Next time he pops in, present him with the toddler. He obviously has time for breaks, he can take her out round the block during them. He can also get up at 6am and prep everything for school while you nap, and take the baby with him so you can have a lie in.

[BackToTheTop]

Do what works for you op. Your dh is being a dick!

I used to go back to bed at 3om as my dd would nap at that time. It was one of the only things that kept me sane

[HairyScaryMonster]

At 12 weeks do what you gotta do. You might find you have more energy if you get some fresh air though, a 20 min wander to the corner shop with toddler and buggy would be a small thing that might pep you up.

[Washermother33]

I don’t think your lazy but I don’t think it’s the best situation for your toddler . I know mine wouldn’t have happily napped at that age and would have wanted a lot more time out or playing

[MysteriesOfTheOrganism]

You're absolutely not being lazy. Do a role swap and see how long your DH lasts! 😁

[Thepeopleversuswork]

Your husband is an arse for not doing any night wakings and you need to push harder on this.

I have to say I don’t think it’s ideal for a toddler to spend the entire week indoors. It’s not your fault as you are clearly knackered but I would be looking to change that when you can.

[Booklover3]

If it’s working for you then keep doing it. He couldn’t even manage two night feeds… he doesn’t get a say if he’s not going to pitch in

[SheepingStandingUp]

People always go on about sleep when the baby does.

Op is doing exactly that.

Peipel still criticise.