Can I ask you if you think I'm lazy?

[dhisaknob]

I have 3 kids oldest is 5 middle one is 3 and youngest is 12 weeks.

I do all the night feeds and then I will do the last feed at 6 and then I will get up. Feed kids get them ready for school & nursery. DH will drop them off and I will stay at home with the baby and clean and tidy. Then around 10:00am I will get back into bed with baby with a cuppa try and nap or just relax. DH will drop DD back from nursery at 12 then he goes back to his office. I will do lunch for me and DD and then we will get back into bed we will then usually all fall asleep.

Then about 1:30 I will get up shower and get babies next feed ready. Then I will stay downstairs for the rest of the day and do dinner etc.

DH will pop in and see me napping or whatever and will accuse me of being lazy and will say"why don't you just up get dressed and take the kids out instead of getting back into bed"

It works for me because if I don't catch up on some sleep I will feel groggy all day. No I don't do much with the kids during the week but we are out every weekend without fail.

Aibu?

Op is fine. Its two weeks until summer holidays so enjoy the sleep. In 8 weeks you might find middle child is out of afternoon naps and 5 mo is sleeping a little better so your routine will be changing anyway.

I think you do sound a bit lazy, that's a lot of time in bed. I think you need to get out the house daily at the very least.

Well sounds perfect to me. What sounds less perfect is anyone telling the mother of a 12 week old baby they are lazy. I have 5 children and your husband is being a dick. Did his mother have 3 under 6? Did his father treat her like this? Tell him never to say anything so unpleasant again and enjoy your children.

isn’t he the lazy one if he can’t get out of bed to tend to his child

Not lazy, but wondering whether you see daylight?
its good to get out and about, even for a short while. Esp when you are tired.
not seeing daylight can take a toll on mental health,

It sounds nice op. Yanbu. I was similarly 'lazy' when I had babies and napped any time I could, showered later etc. My goals were only that we were all fed, watered, clean and house passable. No groups or rushing around and my dh would never have commented.

How dare he call you lazy. How dare he. You look after 3 kids 5 and under and do night feeds. Unless they have a nanny and servants, any mother of 3 little kids and babies cannot possibly be lazy.

I wouldn’t say you’re lazy but you’re not the most busiest of mums I know.
when my youngest was 3 months I had a 2yr old and a 6 yr old. I wouldn’t have time to nap and my husband worked 12 hour days so no way he could have picked them up from nursery etc or did any night feeds.
I think you’re quite lucky to have someone to do all the school/nursery drop offs and collection, most mums don’t have this luxury.

If your husband slept through it, then the baby didn't really need a night feed. Make him do it properly next time, and don't jump in and do it yourself

Your husband is a twat.

Your husband sounds like a complete bellend and I really hope has some massively redeeming features!

I didn't need to read beyond 'I have 3 kids' to know you're not lazy.

@ImWithSuperman no, I'm in agreement with you. That's why I replied to the person who said it sounds a bit lazy asking here when should she sleep then. To me, she's basically doing night shifts. So she sleeps during the day. Best thing for her is to get the sleep she needs whenever she needs it!

I find it odd that you are up at 6 but not getting showered & dressed until 1.30

Being woken up several times in the night is exhausting & sleeping in the day doesn't always make up for it.

I mostly felt better for napping on the sofa/bed though rather than actually going back to bed.

I think you could probably get out a bit more for the toddlers sake. I wouldn’t expect my partner to do any night feeds through the week whilst he was working tbh

Not lazy in my opinion, but your routine wouldn’t really have worked well for me personally.

I only have 2 kids (thankfully as I don’t think I could cope with a third) but at those ages I’d make DH get up early with the kids so I could go back to bed for an hour or so after the first morning feed. That helped me survive. Then I didn’t need to have that 10-12ish nap you have. I needed that time either to get stuff done without the toddler (2 days a week) or we were out and about in the mornings as he was at home.

I disagree that chilling at home between 12 and 3 is bad for your 3 year old though. Presumably he then plays with the older child after 3pm. And he’s been stimulated at nursery in the morning.

Enjoy the napping while it lasts. Summer holidays will destroy that routine and then I guess you’ll get into a new one by September

My children are 6, 4 and 1 so 12 months ago I was on mat leave with children the same as as you. I was/am breastfeeding so I was (still am) up in the night lots. I'd get up at around 6.30am, get the kids ready for school and nursery, walk them there (40min walk with them) before walking home. I would take the baby to a class some days or I'd do house stuff/breastfeed for hours on end, I never went back to bed. 2.20pm I walked back to school to get my children, get home and start to sort their dinner, do homework/reading/get them ready for afterschool activities. I'm back at work and work ft I'm still up in the night but working all day too, I also get up at 6am now to get everyone ready and out the door, im in a constant state of exhaustion.

I think sleeping all day is probably lazy and not healthy but if you really can't function there's not really any other option. It's a bit unfair on your 3 year old that you are spending the afternoon in bed rather than outside doing something too. I'm probably just jealous you can sleep all day though, enjoy it while you can if you are off back to work, I am actually dead trying to juggle 3 kids and working full time.

lots of you quick to call her husband a dick/ twat etc it’s odd. I wouldn’t have expected my husband to do nights when I was on maternity leave as he was up at 5.30 for work and I could nap during the day. When I went back to work at 7 months we shared it. I don’t think you are lazy, you have it easier than some, but it’s not a competition to who is the most tired. It works well for you, enjoy this time.

do you work and on maternity leave op?

I agree with this

I think you’re lucky your DH can do a lot for the kids in the day, all drop offs and pick ups - any reason he’s losing his lunch time to do that? Not sure why you can’t take them where they need to be and take the others out in the morning?

I had 3 under 2 and managed morning groups and afternoon visits and never napped in the day.

You have a 12 week old baby? He needs to get a bloody grip, the selfish arse!

In all honesty I really regret putting myself under so much pressure when my kids were small to get out so much (and my husband literally booking in visitors of everyone he could possibly think of as soon as baby arrived home giving me not time to just cuddle baby in bed but that’s another story!)
Enjoy those sleepy cuddles they don’t last long!

Oh my goodness you are doing fine. Brilliantly in fact. While you’re doing night feeds you do whatever it takes to get through the day frankly. Sleep deprivation makes every day a living nightmare so if you’ve found a way to avoid that then awesome, crack on. I would be ready to rip my DH’s head off in this situation if he criticised me tbh

Why is that relevant?