Can I ask you if you think I'm lazy?

[dhisaknob]

I have 3 kids oldest is 5 middle one is 3 and youngest is 12 weeks.

I do all the night feeds and then I will do the last feed at 6 and then I will get up. Feed kids get them ready for school & nursery. DH will drop them off and I will stay at home with the baby and clean and tidy. Then around 10:00am I will get back into bed with baby with a cuppa try and nap or just relax. DH will drop DD back from nursery at 12 then he goes back to his office. I will do lunch for me and DD and then we will get back into bed we will then usually all fall asleep.

Then about 1:30 I will get up shower and get babies next feed ready. Then I will stay downstairs for the rest of the day and do dinner etc.

DH will pop in and see me napping or whatever and will accuse me of being lazy and will say"why don't you just up get dressed and take the kids out instead of getting back into bed"

It works for me because if I don't catch up on some sleep I will feel groggy all day. No I don't do much with the kids during the week but we are out every weekend without fail.

Aibu?

I don't think it's about being lazy but I'm not sure it's healthy for you or your toddler. I completely agree on napping when baby naps, but since you had PND, I'd be worried that you could easily slip and it would be difficult to tell. I also think you're creating an odd sleep pattern for your toddler. It might be a good idea to try to drop the second nap and instead maybe join a club or group that you can take the toddler and the baby to. You sound quite isolated.

I think personally I would go back to bed sooner in morning and ditch the afternoon nap for myself, and maybe look at going out somewhere with DD and baby instead of staying home all day every day, as much for my own sake as either of theirs. Cleaning can be done in evening when your husband is back or just lower your standards a bit, you probably don't need to be doing a big clean every single morning, just chuck a wash on and do a quick whizz round.

I have 3-week-old DD and a 3yo DD. On days I have them both solo, I find it easier to get out and do something for an hour or two rather than stay home and it does make me feel brighter to get out of the house and grab a coffee or speak to another adult!

What a ridiculous thing to say. The ability to give birth multiple times is no indicator of work rate!

Because if she was returning to work at 6months or sooner - her DH would have to get involved in night feeding

althoufj I suspect you were hoping imagining a SAHM badger, which I’m not (was one for 7 years now very part time!)

Sahm badger???!!!

basher!

YANBU. You won’t be this tired forever. At least, not the newborn type of tired. This is just a point in time and your DH needs to look at the bigger picture and reframe his thoughts on how you are coping just now. If all the kids are happy, the little ones are getting their naps, the house isn’t falling apart and everyone under the roof is mostly getting along then you are doing a GREAT job.

Not lazy, but I would get checked out medically to make sure you are not anaemic. It does depend how many night feeds baby has though, and I would go to bed earlier. Not to please the H but so that you would feel better.

OP said I HAVE 3 kids. I don't know why you're thinking about multiple birth. Birthing them is the easy part! If she HAS 3 children it means she is with them, parenting them, looking after them. HTH 🙄

YANBU, I was barely out of pjs when DD was 12 weeks old and I only had the one child! You are cleaning, cooking, managing 3 kids, one of whom is a tiny baby, and doing all the night feeds. I can’t see how anyone would call you lazy!

^^

MN comprehension skills at their finest again I see.

I would point out that you do X number of wake-ups during the week, and having promised to do 2, he couldn't even manage 1. So who's the lazy one?

You’re absolutely 💯 not lazy. I would worry a bit about your well-being if I was your friend. Sleeping when the baby sleeps is sound advice and you’re clearly doing a good job. At 3 years old, I query if it’s healthy to not do much in the afternoons and how that would impact on your toddlers wellbeing and yours. That said, I’m guessing your 3 year old won’t be napping for much longer, so it’s not a huge issue really as long as you’re all getting a good mix of rest and activity. 🙂

Lazy isn’t the word I’d use no but I do think it’s unhealthy for you all particularly the 3 year old, the first back to bed is fine the second is a bit much , when my youngest was born I had a 3 year old at nursery and a 7 year old at school I was also on my own so done all the night feeds school runs cleaning etc and just had to get on with it I think I’d have sunk quite low mental health wise if I went to bed during the day as much as you are but I appreciate not everybody is the same and we all have different circumstances and life’s. I don’t understand everybody jumping on your OH I think your quite lucky he continues to work and does all the school nursery runs for the kids he is supporting you just fine In his own way imo

Does the D in DH stand for dickhead? Because that's what he sounds like!

The bloody cheek of him!

Frankly your DH is being an arse.

I have 3 kids oldest is 5 middle one is 3 and youngest is 12 weeks.

As soon as I read this part I knew the answer would be - no you are not lazy. 3 little ones is tough stuff and the night wakings are brutal. Your baby is still so little, definitely need all the rest you can get!
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You are absolutely not lazy. Just carry on doing what works for you. Unless your dh wants to take over that is. And what is wrong with a 3 year old having a nap after lunch if she has been at nursery all morning fhs?

Not sure where the stars came from in my post!

Was that a aimed at me?

I wouldn’t say lazy, but I think spending a large portion of the day in bed is unusual and unhealthy.

But I took the opposite approach. I did all night feeds (youngest woke up every 2-3 hours for 3 long years 🤦🏼‍♀️), then I’d get showered, make up, dressed, breakfast, out to drop 2 year old to nursery for 9am and then take my baby to a music class, cafe or walk. Then pick my toddler up at 12:15pm, then take them home to nap (whilst I prepped for dinner), then at 3pm we’d go to the park or for a walk or have friends over to play. I’d then get them home again to eat by 4:45pm, then bath, stories, bed by 6pm. Then I’d tidy the downstairs and cook before DH magically appeared back from work at 8:30pm.

But I don’t like lying in bed and I like being outside. The fresh air and activity is good for everyone. I didn’t ever nap. I think exhaustion wanes after a while. I’d have a lie in on a Saturday morning till 9:30am.

I don’t think your OH is unreasonable questioning the many naps. Have you tested if you anaemic or there’s a reason you’ve got low energy?

Doubt anyone is lazy when they have 3 kids.. u be as lazy as you want it’s your time, we have all heard the saying you sleep when baby sleeps xxx

Start banging and crashing around each time you have to wake up to feed the baby in the night, make sure to wake up your H every time and get him to soothe baby whilst you get bottle ready. See how long he lasts on the same amount of night wakings you do.

my DH, had meals ready for me in the fridge in the first few months post childbirth and I didn’t touch the cleaning I was so utterly shattered with night wakings, DH also dealt with our 3 year old and older dc. I’d have keeled over if I’d have been expected to clean the house and cook in the first few months post new baby.

No I don’t think you’re lazy. However I think the person who said you were is being a prick.

Agree! Unless each child has a full time nanny each I wouldn’t think it would be possible to have 3 very young children and be lazy!

Same!!!! If he wants you up and out, tell him he needs to be doing some night wakes.