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Can I ask you if you think I'm lazy?
185

dhisaknob · 05/07/2022 14:19

I have 3 kids oldest is 5 middle one is 3 and youngest is 12 weeks.

I do all the night feeds and then I will do the last feed at 6 and then I will get up. Feed kids get them ready for school & nursery. DH will drop them off and I will stay at home with the baby and clean and tidy. Then around 10:00am I will get back into bed with baby with a cuppa try and nap or just relax. DH will drop DD back from nursery at 12 then he goes back to his office. I will do lunch for me and DD and then we will get back into bed we will then usually all fall asleep.

Then about 1:30 I will get up shower and get babies next feed ready. Then I will stay downstairs for the rest of the day and do dinner etc.

DH will pop in and see me napping or whatever and will accuse me of being lazy and will say"why don't you just up get dressed and take the kids out instead of getting back into bed"

It works for me because if I don't catch up on some sleep I will feel groggy all day. No I don't do much with the kids during the week but we are out every weekend without fail.

Aibu?

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Greenkitten · 05/07/2022 14:21

Not lazy! Baby doesn’t care about going out and dd has been to nursery and needs a nap!

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ChrisTrepidation · 05/07/2022 14:21

Why isn't he doing any night feeds?

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Haveasecret · 05/07/2022 14:21

YANBU you need to rest

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doadeer · 05/07/2022 14:22

What?! Of course you aren't

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Bakedpotatoesfortea · 05/07/2022 14:23

You're sleeping when the baby sleeps and if you're doing all the things you need to that's not lazy it's just catching up on your nighttime hours and protecting yourself from the negative effects of sleep deprivation which can be awful and cause mental health issues etc. Sounds perfect. Your babies still small and in the '4th trimester' so this is a great way to bond and not burn out. It's hectic having 3 kids I nap whenever I get the chance, much less now my DC are older but still will when I get the chance

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Didimum · 05/07/2022 14:23

I don't think you're being unreasonable with how tired you are. You have a 12 week old FFS, but I do think I'd make a little more effort to take the kids out to a couple of things a week rather than spend all that time indoors.

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countryroadsss · 05/07/2022 14:24

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Get your husband to do a few nights and see how he manages the next day. It's infuriating women/mothers are expected to do it all!!

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poppyart · 05/07/2022 14:24

I think you sound smart and i wish i had have done that

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Anotherdayanotherdollar · 05/07/2022 14:24

Make the most of it while you can. Presumably once school breaks up for summer that will be the end of it?

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Bussty · 05/07/2022 14:26

Is he concerned that you're lazy or concerned about things like your mental wellbeing? People are advised to keep an eye on women who have just had babies and whether they're developing PND - and a warning sign is not getting out of bed. Sometimes, like you, people are in bed because they're tired (and that's completely fine) but sometimes it's more sinister than that so DH might just be concerned.

I also don't know how you managed to even sit down let alone lay down with a two year old - mine is an absolute runner bean so I'm constantly on my feet or he'd be off god knows where doing god knows what.

If you're happy and your kids are happy then this is fine - you've found a routine that works for you. If you think you'd be happier going out and doing baby classes or going to the park then that's fine too.

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treehousethunderstorm · 05/07/2022 14:27

Not lazy at all.

Everything is a balance and this sounds great, and works for you. I wish I had done more of this when DD was a baby instead of thinking we had to be up and out doing things when we really didn't.

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dhisaknob · 05/07/2022 14:27

@ChrisTrepidation I don't know really I guess it's just what's happened and it has stuck. I look after baby and he does school and nursery runs in between his work day. Whenever I ask him to have the baby through the night he doesn't wake up and I just end up waking up anyway.

He honestly makes me feel like I'm lazy, but the house is clean kids are fed and are in clean clothes so i can't be that lazy!

In the mornings I'm just exhausted I couldn't bare the thought of getting up and dressed with the kids.

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Steelesauce · 05/07/2022 14:30

Make the most of it before baby starts being more alert and toddler drops their nap

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manysummersago · 05/07/2022 14:32

I don’t think you’re lazy but I do think it’s perhaps not great for the toddler to be totally honest.

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Ponderingwindow · 05/07/2022 14:34

If you are constantly getting up in the night, you need to rest during the day or your physical or mental health is going to suffer

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RaisinGhost · 05/07/2022 14:35

I had a similar routine when my dc were little, aged 2 and newborn at the time. I'd take them out in the morning, then in the afternoon we'd all lie down for a nap for at least 2-3 hours. When dc1 was at nursery, I'd drop him off and get straight back in to bed with baby.

I have very fond memories of that time. Now I have 2 preschoolers and it is a very distant memory. So enjoy it while you can I say.

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Rwealere · 05/07/2022 14:35

poppyart · 05/07/2022 14:24

I think you sound smart and i wish i had have done that

Ditto

get him to book leave for a week and take over for the two weekends and the working days so he can see how sleep deprivation affects him.

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Hugasauras · 05/07/2022 14:38

I don't think it's lazy. Mostly just impressed your 3yo accepts coming home and going to bed though! I have to have stuff planned for days I have both DDs at home as it's easier being out and about!

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dhisaknob · 05/07/2022 14:39

Thanks everyone! It's so bloody tough I always feel I can't live up to his expectations. His mum is bloody super woman and I don't know how she did it. But I'm not running myself into the ground.

Of course school holidays will be different we've got lots of things planned! It mainly just mon-Friday where this is my routine.

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GinUnicorn · 05/07/2022 14:40

I’m just amazed your three year old naps for an hour and a half. Mine both dropped by 2 and a half

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PoshSpice2 · 05/07/2022 14:41

If you stay in bed until gone mid day then yes

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Riverlee · 05/07/2022 14:42

Don’t know why, seems a little slovenly to go back to bed after dd comes home, although I can appreciate what you need to go to rest in the morning.

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girlmom21 · 05/07/2022 14:44

I have 3 kids oldest is 5 middle one is 3 and youngest is 12 weeks.

This was all you needed to post. If you're managing all 3 of them you're certainly not lazy.

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Bellsbeachwaves · 05/07/2022 14:44

Not lazy. Wise. Tell him to do one.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2022 14:44

Sounds great. The day he grows 3 people in his body, births them and gets up all night every night with them he can judge. Tell him to stop being a critical arse.

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