Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What’s the sad reality about life that you had to learn?

484 replies

YouAreNotBatman · 05/07/2022 11:42

To me it was how little people actually care about other’s.

And how lonely and isolating life can be, even as an adult, if you just don’t ”fit in” with the norm.

OP posts:
speakout · 10/07/2022 14:55

Pkwq · 10/07/2022 11:36

A lot of people choose to see the negative rather than the positives of life.

Wise words. Pkwq
I remember a day back in spring having an early morning coffee looking out before starting a working day. I live surrounded by woodland.
It was a misty start and cool, trees were in full bud, and I watched some wild deer grazing outside of my window.
I was feeling tranquil and deeply blessed, good coffee, amazing outside scene.
My mother- we live together- came stomping in and started moaning about the weather " bloody fog- another horrible day- I hate this"
Same situation- different perspectives- I was feeling zen like, my mother was stomping around complaining.

IsThePopeCatholic · 10/07/2022 15:02

Nature trumps nurture.

Legselevens · 10/07/2022 15:03

Absolutely agree, more evident with family members as you know them better. People can sink to certain lows for their own perceived gains. It’s nauseating to watch

Wouldloveanother · 10/07/2022 15:22

I don’t believe in happiness, more happy ‘moments’

Bertieboo82 · 10/07/2022 15:46

Wouldloveanother · 10/07/2022 15:22

I don’t believe in happiness, more happy ‘moments’

Whereas I believe in happiness with sad moments instead

something2say · 10/07/2022 17:21

My hard truths...

Facing up to what a harmful family I had and how they deny the abuse we suffered. How, after going it alone, no one would ever fill those boots, ever. But I've been safer and happier since the day I left.

And I assimilated that truth and have got on with life.

How alone I am. But again, have assimilated that and now feel strong and capable. All the reins of my life are in my own hands. No one is going to sort me out.

How having a partner can be a hindrance. How many parties have I been removed from by a man who didn't like it?! And I'm a musician, I make parties. I no longer allow it. Having a partner is often one long compromise and loss of power.

As I age, I think that life doles out slaps every now and then, some of which can be humiliating and debilitating, but it's best to brush them off as soon as possible to prevent them from hampering your ability to proceed. They happen to everyone and its not personal.

That we are responsible for ourselves. A heavy weight yes, but I try to be up to it. To lose my ego, to change where needed, to stand up for myself, to develop and guard my resilience. To grow wiser in making choices.

That really great musicianship requires all sorts. Hard work, regular practice, thought, taste, history and social awareness, listening, perfection in touch. It wont come easy, but it's so worth it.

There are sad truths to life, but I read that we could see life as a game, pick our games, learn their rules and then see how far we can go. I accept the sadnesses and responsibilities of life, and wonder how far I'll go. Although as I get older, the game of being slower, more patient less talkative and happier in my own at home seems to be a good choice...!

something2say · 10/07/2022 17:22

Really enjoyed the thread, thank you.

MadMadMadamMim · 10/07/2022 17:24

How toxic my family are. Mother and sister particularly. I look at people who have a happy relationship with their mothers or are close to their sisters with faint bewilderment.

mackthepony · 10/07/2022 17:27

No one will help you. No one.

Sometimes white lies are best. Especially with regards to career. No points for being utterly truthful. Everyone else seems to elaborate their job history.

speakout · 10/07/2022 17:30

MadMadMadamMim · 10/07/2022 17:24

How toxic my family are. Mother and sister particularly. I look at people who have a happy relationship with their mothers or are close to their sisters with faint bewilderment.

Sadly I agree.
My mother and I do not relate at all- and I haven't had any communication for many years.

mackthepony · 10/07/2022 17:34

A lot of people choose to see the negative rather than the positives of life.

^

This. After spending two weeks with my parents who are incredibly pessimistic and criticise things I wouldn't even think of, I can agree

Harridance · 10/07/2022 17:38

Something2say, I'm glad you no longer allow it and play your music!

SurfBox · 10/07/2022 17:41

Whereas I believe in happiness with sad moments instead

I think most of us don't know what happiness is, many of us think we are in unhappy situations/lives but all is takes is for something terrible to happen and then we realise we had happiness. In other words, happiness can often only be recognised in hindsight.

I thought I was unhappy and unfortunate in life until I got a terrible illness and now with this illness that has upturned my life I realise that what I had before was actually happiness but I couldn't see it at the time.

SurfBox · 10/07/2022 17:46

I thought I was unhappy and unfortunate in life

and my 'problems' were the ones commonly pulled up on mn-unable to afford house, working all hours for not enough money, pension worries,annoying landlord etc...

Now I look back and think these were nothing compared to what's happened ...

something2say · 10/07/2022 17:48

Harridance, thank you! The last time was only last weekend; a male friend turned up and expected me to turn the music down, stop having fun and sit down to listen to him. I said, no, I'm doing this right now, let's meet another time. He left. But I'm wise to it now. In fact going forward, a man's attitude to my playing guitar for four hours with my friends will be a thing he has to get right for any dating to proceed. I'm not going to give it up ever.

ohfook · 10/07/2022 17:54

That most people have to choose between living in a way that makes them content and living in a way that's financially viable.

ohfook · 10/07/2022 17:56

Oh and that newspapers may try to sensationalise evil acts, but in real life they're actually fairly mundane and too many people readily accept it.

ohfook · 10/07/2022 17:58

Eatingchips · 05/07/2022 11:51

I absolutely love people, they bring the sparkle to my life but underneath all the good stuff people have, I have learned that all people have a strong animal nature and they will go against what is right or moral or just to meet their own needs at other people’s expense all the time.

Yea I think this about myself a lot. I try to do the right thing but in reality it's being seen to be doing the right thing I know deep down I'm quite a selfish person who puts myself and my kids above most other things.

PITAneighbour · 10/07/2022 18:00

That even though you can work your arse off for something and give it your heart and soul it doesn't guarantee the results you desperately want

antelopevalley · 10/07/2022 19:04

ohfook · 10/07/2022 17:58

Yea I think this about myself a lot. I try to do the right thing but in reality it's being seen to be doing the right thing I know deep down I'm quite a selfish person who puts myself and my kids above most other things.

Not everyone behaves like this. I thought most people did not. I have learned it is a tiny minority of people.

Lifewithasixyearold · 10/07/2022 19:07

That you can be married, have a child, have people you think are friends but are actually terribly lonely & sad all the time.
I’ve grown up, they haven’t

something2say · 10/07/2022 19:08

Time to make some new friends xxx

Thinkbiglittleone · 10/07/2022 19:19

There is no such thing as Karma.

Grief is a physical pain and the worst I've experienced.

girlfriend44 · 10/07/2022 19:33

That Volunteers don't always get treated well despite giving of their time for free.

Anonymouseposter · 10/07/2022 19:38

God, what a depressing thread! Some of these things are true, but life can still be good.
I am 70 now and I have seen some unpleasant things, particularly visiting a Nursing home. My parents and my husband have died and illness can be pretty horrible.
Life isn't fair, being attractive and intelligent makes it easier, some people are dealt a poor hand.
On the other hand, although I was never pretty I have plenty of friends. My husband didn't cheat on me or steal from me. I love my family, they have had ups and downs like everyone else. I'm proud of them.
Some friends do care, others are more people to enjoy doing things with and disappear when things are difficult. Best not to have high expectations
It's still a beautiful world. There is plenty to enjoy. I do feel content.
I worked hard and I'm not rich but I had an interesting job and I have what I need.
I think if you stop expecting life to be fair and live a day at a time, enjoying what you can, it's easier.
I recognise that some people have a really shit time with long term illness in themselves or family and the resulting financial issues and I do feel for them.
To some people I would say, stop worrying about what other people think, stop having expectations and make up your mind to have as good a time as possible.
Oh and my experience suggests that genetics is just as important as nurture.

Swipe left for the next trending thread