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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

411 replies

TexasTyson · 05/07/2022 02:24

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 06/07/2022 21:13

Gwenhwyfar · 06/07/2022 20:19

Free food and bubbly? Yes, I'd take that! Not so easily pleased is it?

Show quote history

It's extremely easily pleased. Bless.

RunningTiger · 06/07/2022 21:14

Agree with you OP, it’s totally not acceptable to send a message like this to anyone basically asking for free labour!! Tell her to jog on!!

BarbaraofSeville · 06/07/2022 21:19

So just say you don't have any free time, but if she lets you know when moving day is, you might be able to help out then.

I don't understand the issue. She's probably asked a few people in the hope a couple will step up. I suppose if anyone is at a loose end for whatever reason, they might welcome something to do and the company.

After the pandemic more people have been aware of the detriment to mental health that being away from friends and family can bring. Plus there's the weirdos who like cleaning and organising.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 06/07/2022 21:25

So just say you don't have any free time, but if she lets you know when moving day is, you might be able to help out then

Good idea. PP mentioned the painting parties that used to be a thing. From what I can gather, there were some very badly painted rooms resulting from that, so not sure I'd risk that sort of thing. Arguably it would be better left alone, than made a mess of.

I think the request is pretty cheeky though, given that you aren't on the doorstep, and don't have a garden.

Mumkins42 · 06/07/2022 21:35

Just say no. It's really simple and anyone who takes umbrage at you saying no is not a friend. There are loads of good examples on here as to how to frame it. I would never in a million years agree to do that for anyone. Unless, someone was in a dire situation and had no help or means of getting help then I'd do what I could. This is not that, this feels a little presumptuous.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 06/07/2022 21:39

Just message back with some laughing emojis. Or tell her you'll be happy to do for her what she did for you when you moved.

riotlady · 06/07/2022 21:43

Depends on your friendship group I think, I’ve just bought a house and my best friends were round painting a couple of weeks ago. I stripped wallpaper when one of them bought their house 5 years ago, she drove me around after my c-section, I cooked for her when her baby was born, etc etc it all goes back and forth. I haven’t asked anyone to help me clean but only because I would be embarrassed if we found any dirty corners!

2bazookas · 06/07/2022 21:47

"Sorry, no spare time. I'm still too busy gardening, cleaning, and unpacking since I moved house last year."

With love from the Little Red Hen.

Original poster
TexasTyson · 06/07/2022 22:04

Aussiegirl88 · 06/07/2022 20:54

so now it's out there in the press, I read about it in Australia in the Mirror does that mean your friend likely know, I always wonder how the backlash goes when these chats go global!

Shit.

Well. I guess I’ll let you know.

OP posts:
Everyflippingusernameistaken · 06/07/2022 23:03

I think it's a bloody cheek! I wouldn't want to do it.

THEDEACON · 06/07/2022 23:37

My best mate would never ask me to do this because I would already have offered

Oceanus · 06/07/2022 23:58

Holy moly! If the DM calls you OP, can you please put on nice clothes and wash your hair...? Don't forget to tell them how much your house is worth!

Youknowit234 · 07/07/2022 00:00

This reply has been deleted

This post has been removed as it's a personal attack which goes against our guidelines.

LoisLane66 · 07/07/2022 00:01

There are certain types of men who'd be glad to help. ☺️

sunflowerdaisyrose · 07/07/2022 00:05

My close friends and I help with this kind of thing. We are having loads of work done at the moment and lots of my friends have offered various help, probably because my husband and I willingly help our friends. We don't actually need it, but we did say yes when we were moving house and it was very helpful and we were grateful so I'm always happy to help. Though if you think she wouldn't do the same for you then that's different.

Boxerbinky · 07/07/2022 00:09

My first instinct is that she is appealing to those who will say yes.. not leaning those who don't want to!

Imy06 · 07/07/2022 02:25

I don't think it's a cheeky request at all, she was only asking! Just say no if you don't want to. I live in Central Australia and the rental market is crap here and I've moved about 7 times in 13 years. I've got a wonderful group of friends who have offered and have come to help each time and I'm so grateful, especially since most of the moves were on my own. In return I have also helped others either with moving when they have a house inspection or something.
I think you a reading too much into it thinking that she's asking because you don't have kids

KJaggard1 · 07/07/2022 05:04

Where I come from friends help each other even if it’s a bit inconvenient or a loathsome task because that’s how community is built.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/07/2022 05:12

ChampagneLassie · 05/07/2022 05:40

I think you're being oversensitive here sounds like their is history to no kids must have lots of time. Every time I've moved friends have offered to help. I've politely refused, I wouldn't feel comfortable much prefer to pay professionals but the fact people offer I'm sure for many this would be a really normal thing to help a friend with. She's only asking, just say you're busy

Yes... Every time we have moved frienss have insisted on helping... Which we have been very thankful for, especially as my health isn't good.

But this is normal in my friendship group.... In healthier days I helped folk move, decorate etc...

It's more fun too!

summerin69 · 07/07/2022 06:31

I think it's the wording - "if you have some spare time, come and do...". Maybe if she had worded it better: "I was wondering if you might be able to help..." it wouldn't have sounded quite so off. I do think it sounds off and I would find that message a bit hard to digest and probably go off and ruminate...! Maybe she doesn't realise how it comes across. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think the only question you have to ask is: do I want to go and help? If yes, that's great. If not, then it's absolutely okay to say you're really busy and you can't. Can you get past the wording and how it sounds - and could you be missing out on a way to help a friend which could end up being quite social and feeling quite good. If you feel she's using you though then... no.

Motherofone163 · 07/07/2022 07:02

She is very cheeky to send that message. The answer is no, there are companies who provide that service.

Whatmeagain · 07/07/2022 07:47

To be honest as a friend I would expect to help without being asked (and did when my mate moved recently). As for the birthday party - I would have wanted to be there and help. It’s fun. Maybe just not your thing though. But I do wonder what you think best friends do for each other - just socialise? Not my idea of being a friend

Mariposa80 · 07/07/2022 07:56

To be honest as a friend I would expect to help without being asked

So in this case you'd expect the OP to be telepathic as well and know that her friend was going to be putting up the house for sale and wanted help tidying?

CecilyP · 07/07/2022 08:08

This reply has been deleted

This post has been removed as it's a personal attack which goes against our guidelines.

I guess if you have any mates that you must be more pleasant in real life than your post suggests!

CecilyP · 07/07/2022 08:18

Mariposa80 · 07/07/2022 07:56

To be honest as a friend I would expect to help without being asked

So in this case you'd expect the OP to be telepathic as well and know that her friend was going to be putting up the house for sale and wanted help tidying?

And for those with limited comprehension skills, the friend isn’t moving yet. She wants the house and garden cleaned and tidied in order to put it on the market. Cleaning and tidying that she and her husband should have been doing routinely anyway. It’s her own fault if she’s let it get so bad it will show up in estate agents photos!