To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

[TexasTyson]

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

I don't think she's just asking, i think she's being a CF and i would completely ignore the message. Who even does that?
As if our lives aren't all busy enough. I mean it's fair enough if you offered, but her asking you for help with cleaning and gardening and being condescending offering lunch and bubbles, NO that's just bloody cheeky! She's moving so she can sort her own house and garden out, as you said she didn't help you out when you moved.

I wouldn’t be insulted or upset if any of my close friends asked me that, it’s a one off. It’s not like you’d be going to clean every week. If you don’t have any spare time just let her know that. An hour or two for a good friend though, surely you can spare that? That’s what friends are for surely?

What a cheeker fucker.
I hope you told her to do one.

I have helped friends renovate their houses, clean their houses, move houses, and fix up their gardens in exchange for pizza and beer. It's what friends do.

In return, I have had friends help me paint our hallway and move furniture. We provided food and drinks.

Some people don't have the money to pay for a cleaner, gardener, or moving company, nor do they have family nearby. I think you sound far more entitled than your supposed "best mate".

I would do this for my best friends in a heart beat! And book a day off work if needs be! It's nice to be nice! It's only a one off it's not like then will move every year!!

This is what I think too, don’t assume it was sent just to you and she was being glib about bubbles, others may well jump at the idea of a free Prosecco (doubt it would be champagne!)

I would respond with a "Unfortunately have lots on but best of luck with it all"

Not worth falling out over but she's a CF to ask, for sure.

Help on moving day is vastly different IMO.

I think it's very cheeky O.P
and I agree with a previous poster about how her message was written, it's way too breezy and clearly expected.
Politely say you are sorry but have loads on at mo and so can't help with any cleaning etc! Then subtly suggest if it gets too crazy she should hire a cleaner.
Honestly life is crazy busy for many people these days. She just shouldn't be asking and in such a casual way too!

'Sorry dahling, far too busy organising a deep clean of my own hutch but I can send you a list of agencies who'd be glad of the business. Byeee Mwah 💋

But the "best friend" didn't help OP in anyway when she moved last year, so the help only seems to be going one way.

Cheeky bitch!

I think @LaughingCat’s response is the most normal and sensible - she’s made a vague appeal for help but nothing stopping you putting boundaries around it. ‘So exciting! V busy BUT I could come over next Saturday after lunch for a few hours? Let me know what you’ll need me to do so I can come prepared! And I’ll take you up on lunch when you’re through this crazy bit ;-)’

We regularly help out one particular set of friends for entire days, with everything from DIY/gardening to petcare to childcare. It’s swings and roundabouts - we’re all stupidly busy with very different challenges, and it is so appreciated in both directions. There are often food and drink-based expressions of gratitude and no-one takes the piss.

It's pretty normal to ask friends to help with moving, or for friends to offer.
I've helped moved, but I'm a really weak person so helping with the cleaning would make more sense.
I've had a friend help me with cleaning for a move as well. It's the kind of thing good friends do for each other.

A bitch? Really???

Is she a friend and needs to get rid of her place in a hurry? then help her

You have to bear in mind that there are a lot of rich people on MN. I remember one thread where loads of people were saying they never moved themselves and would get a removals company. A lot of ordinary people hire their own van and ask friends to help or hire a man with a van and do most of the loading themselves. Totally normal.

"But the "best friend" didn't help OP in anyway when she moved last year, so the help only seems to be going one way."

Did OP ask for help though?

Free food and bubbly? Yes, I'd take that! Not so easily pleased is it?

Not cheeky at all. Thats what friends are for. No wonder you dont get any help....I obvioysly have real friends as they jump at helping me....and me them!

Just to clarify a few things.

I love said friend. She is wonderful in many ways. But she seems to have a habit of asking for help and not really doing much in return. It also seems to be childless friends that are asked for this kind of help.

if she’d asked for help with a specific task on a specific day, of course I’d help if I could. It’s the general suggestion that I have heaps of spare time to dedicate to her project.

I don’t think it’s in any way malicious or deliberately cheeky, it’s just thoughtless and a little presumptuous about what I actually do with my time.

And that is fine- if I’m free I’ll be happy to help on moving day if needed. But that’s not what’s being asked.

I have never had my own garden, I don’t know the first thing about gardening. I’m rubbish at housework and organising. It’s not like I even have niche skills to offer here.

Just tell her you can’t right now but when you have some spare time you will. Then never have any spare time. I find helping friends/boyfriends with their houses incredibly time consuming and people aren’t that grateful for. One person had an incredibly awful house that I helped her with once. A few weeks later it was back in the same state and I’d put so much time and effort into it!
A few years later she was about to adopt a baby and another friend of hers emailed me asking if I could help clean up the house while we sent the future mum off to a spa. I had a baby at home myself and wrote the friend No, unless the mum was going to help work on her own house I wasn’t interested!

so now it's out there in the press, I read about it in Australia in the Mirror does that mean your friend likely know, I always wonder how the backlash goes when these chats go global!

She isn't asking for help with moving. She is asking for help with getting her messy old house and garden up to estate agent picture standards. I wouldn't be cleaning or gardening for anyone other than my kids and I would never ask them to do it for me. Its ridiculous cheeky fuckery at its best. Let her husband and her crack on. If you want to show your house at its best im afraid its hardwork but we all do it!

She's just asking, thinking her friends might want to help. Plenty will.
Of course they won't