To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

[TexasTyson]

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

It's not a perfectly normal thing, it's rude. Yanbu.

Wtaf!

TBH, I'm surprised that you were annoyed your friend asked, however I am more surprised by the number of negative comments posted about your friend. Its clear few of the posters here have friends .... only acquaintances.

Its perfectly normal for friends too ask for a favour, be it moving, shopping, caging a lift whatever, well in my world it is. Some times you can help out, sometimes you can't. No harm done., its not like anyone's keeping score!

Just tell her you will if you can but your pretty busy ATM

She was just asking a friend for a helping hand. I don't understand the attitude really. If you're busy you say you're so sorry you're busy. Or if you can, go help her. Moving is stressful. This is what friendship is.

I would suggest that there are plenty of cleaners she can employ that do end of tenancy/ownership cleans and plenty of gardeners, just say you look forward to the house warming in her new place and hope the move goes well 🤷‍♀️

It's not normal to ask friends to do routine upkeep. This is not "need help on moving day."

It's ordinary cleaning and gardening. The couple who own the house need to maintain it, not ask friends for free labor. We all have our own living quarters to keep clean.

If they've been slobs who now are in a rush to remediate, that's on them.

@KosherDill completely agree.

Asking for help moving furniture on moving day is a world away from what the OP has been asked.

Whatever about a friend OFFERING to help, asking is something I have never heard of.

The OP's friend is quick to ask but offered not a whit of help last year?

They may be close friends but the friend is a bit of a CF and in the OP's position I wouldn't dream of being available.

Boundaries in close friendships are wise.

The OP's friend certainly has hers firmly in place.

The OP should strengthen hers IMO and not entertaining this would be a start.

Some people find it VERY easy to ask a favour but are resolutely silent when it comes to offering one!

People like this see themselves as clever or efficient
I remember as a teenager I had walked someones dog gone through a myriad of alarms for a fortnight and was given a small bar of Swiss chocolate 100g for my troubles the same neighbour rang up asking if I could let her dog out as she was at a dinner party and couldn’t get back in time in the morning. I had just worked all night in a pub as a barmaid her daughter was out socially as she never had to work and I just said sorry you’ll have to let your own dog out even though it was only across the road so I just didn’t want to be at her beck and call and she hated me ever since. Which considering she was my mothers friend and no one stood up to her was a bit of a problem. There I am in my 30s giving this so called family friend a lift to the airport but enroute to collect having to search for ice for her freezer for her Airbnb guests . This woman thought she was the Queen bee and we were all her manservants here to serve her.
You know the expression give an inch they take a mile this very much applies to these types quite often they are narcissists.
I knew of one that had a whole entourage a friend who is a hairdresser one that’s a make up artist, I was the dressmaker it occurred to me we were all providing a service for free in exchange for friendship . I just don’t feel the need or validation anymore because essentially your kindness is being manipulated for gain. I just have to avoid these kinds of people no matter how glamorous the friendship might seem and hope never to become a one way street kind of person.
Some people just get ahead by being on the blag constantly and know no shame in asking . They see it as a life skill but if u r too polite to speak your true feelings you will get sucked into their errands it’s a sticky mess if they will constantly put upon you so it depends but your right in feeling a bit help with housework 😬errrr??? Not really lets be honest.Unless you enjoy other people’s housework ?

A bit unreasonable. She was just asking & of course u are allowed to say no, but no reason to kick up a fuss, she is ur best friend after all.

Me and my bestie always help eachother move - without the invitation for lunch. It's what friends do.

Darlingx People like this see themselves as clever or efficient
was given a small bar of Swiss chocolate 100g for my troubles
it occurred to me we were all providing a service for free in exchange for friendship

I've experienced the chocolate in return for favours too when actual payment would have been more appropriate (for a skilled task). I didn't ask because I expected that a true friend would have offered money. In the event, I completed the task and then was wary. When I was asked to do an even more complex piece of professional work, again entirely for free, I refused, politely and gave her the contact details of a couples of firms who could do it. She then cooled the friendship off!

If you haven't experienced someone behaving like that, I guess its more difficult to distinguish between the true friend needing genuine help and the type that just uses people to provide free services that should actually be paid for. Cleaning someone's house and preparing it for sale and gardening because they can't be bothered to do it themselves, despite being young and healthy, is a world away from helping someone move home, or lending a hand when you are over.

The offer of lunch - presumably in her house, not actually being taken out for lunch but some form of snack - really just puts the icing on the cake. Who wouldn't provide lunch for their friend if they came over and why would it only be offered in expectation of some cleaning and gardening work?

She was asking the OP to clean up her house and garden to make it market ready, that’s not the same as asking for a little assistance in tying up a few loose ends

Could end up being a cheese sandwich and a glass of spumantè😯

OP I'm with you, I don't think this was a one-off, nobody would be that upset over that. Clearly there's a lot of history there.

I think it's the tone of the request that is a bit cheeky. If someone had sent a message along the lines of "I'm swamped and struggling, is there any chance could you offer a half-day to help out and I'll buy you lunch" I'd be more inclined to help. But it's the casual breeziness that is grating. Who has time to give up a day to clean someone else's bathroom??

It wouldn’t annoy me, she was only asking. Mind you, if someone was paying me in lunch and champagne they’d only get a couple of hours out of me as I wouldn’t be working in the afternoon after the bubbles 😂

Intermittent fasting is doing something like 4:3 or 5:2, or a complete fast for a day or two a week. Eating all your food in 10 or 8 hours is time-restricted eating, nothing to do with fasting, although some people combine it with 5:2, say.

Sorry, wrong thread.

Yes it’s the tone that seems cheeky. I can almost see her swanning around saying “you’ve missed a bit”. 😁Of course I’m probably way off the mark (hopefully).

Moving is stressful.

Except she is not moving yet. She is planning to put her house on the market. Therefore she wants a clean house and a tidy garden to attract buyers and possibly get a higher price. She will then repay OP who has to drive 45 minutes for the pleasure of doing this with food and bubbles.

I think she was looking for cheap alternative to end of tenancy cleaning. Lunch and bubbles 😂is cheaper than professional cleaner.

Sorry, I can see it's her house, but it's the same thing. If she doesn't want to do it herself, she would have to pay for cleaner. Apparently taking advantage of your friends is in fashion.

What kind of best friend does not know you "Don't like bubbles"? I would be rankled too as before children my friends with children would expect me to help out at their birthday parties and hang around the whole day. It was so boring for me.

It's cheeky.
The sort of person who'd send this text is the same sort who expects a baby shower to be organized for them and issues a list of stuff to buy.

Someone can OFFER help with a move but you shouldn't ask and expect it.

Very I'll mannered

Got to admit, I'm glad I'm not friends with a high proportion of the people who responded to this post. Even if someone I wasn't that close to asked for help, I wouldn't find it cheeky. I would base my response on whether I had time to spare. I enjoy helping people, no matter the relationship. If a random person in the street asked me for help for one hour, I'd give it if I was able to. I don't base my kindness on what I've received from other people. I don't need people to do something for me before I do something for them.

There’s a way to ask for help. That is not it.

YANBU

Your friend is asking you for help. I would help. And I have kids.