To say No to a stranger

[Myhousemyrules22]

Firstly, I know I am not being unreasonable, I just need a rant and a whinge.

My manager has asked me to house one of our new locums and has accused me of being racists and sexist for saying no. Their race is not amongst any of the reasons I'm refusing but I'm furious it's been insinuated.

I previously had a different locum stay with me. They stayed 2 weeks, only Monday to Friday. I'd already worked with the woman for a year, built up a great rapport and friendship and she asked me as a favour as she had some temporary transport issues.

The new locum I met at 9.30 this morning. He is looking for a long term room to let (6-12 months). He's already said something that makes me think he's not someone I would like to be more than civil colleagues with.

My male manager has accused me of being racists because this new locum is of BME origin. The fact is he is a strange man and as a woman living otherwise alone I wouldn't feel comfortable. This then led to me being told I'm sexist (because I've previously agreed to my female colleague stay).

My house is my home. Surely I get to decide who stays without being accused of bigotry.

Unbelievable! I'm so glad you made the complaint. What an utter arsehole your manager is!

You could also point to your employment contract which I am sure does not include the words 'and the employee will at short notice and for an indefinite amount of time - agree to house and pay for other employees to stay at her house'.

Of course but people were commenting on that particular point because of the Manager saying she was sexist to not have a man stay

I'd consider getting the thread zapped OP in case HR come out of their meeting pop on mumsnet for some entertaining reading and recognise this as being about your manager and workplace.

Blimey, is your manager normally an idiot op? Accusing someone of being sexist and racism is very stupid, as is asking a single woman to put up a strange man in her own home and kick off if she says no. I sense a very large apology coming your way at the very least, and I suspect your manager will be in some serious shit right about now..

Thank goodness you complained. And if HR come back suggesting you are in the wrong... send them our way.

How dare they guilt you accuse you of being racist because you don't want a stranger to be in your home for months.
Your previous arrangement was with someone you'd got to know and felt comfortable with - a mutual agreement and none of his business.
It is not your responsibility to house locums.

The manager.

Who the fuck is the 1% who think you're unreasonable?

I expect it's either someone who hit the wrong button, the manager themselves, or one of those posters who insist that if racism's suggested it's bound to be present (and never mind the facts)

FWIW I thought the PP who queried whether OP could go on working with this man had a point. Someone who's capable of making a career-threatening accusation like this could easily do it over something else, and I'm not sure that's a risk I'd be prepared to take - especially as the mindset which produces this sort of thing isn't always open to correction

Do you work for the NHS OP? ( irrelevant, I know).
Years ago I had a leftier than thou boyfriend, he worked in a centre teaching his language ( he was from a European country) to migrants and refugees.
One of the female teachers reported a student for masturbating while looking at her. My ex’s verdict: she had a problem with “ African men’s sexuality”- her fault, the bitch. It makes me mad when women who don’t want to be sexually harassed or worse get labelled racist . Left wing men are the worse for this IME.

You are bloody well entitled to be sexist in objecting to a strange man living with you. Or anyone you don't know. My response would not have been so polite. I'd be fucking livid about my manager's attitude and raise a formal complaint.

This is one of the posts where you really hope it is a troll because it is just so depressing that a manager would behave like that in 2022.

(I'm not saying or thinking op is a troll)

How about your manager has him to stay at his house for a year…

This is diabolical!

Awful behaviour from your manager. Hope it's resolved fairly and you receive an unreserved apology!

This is almost unbelievable.

I don't care if you live in a mansion with 20 spare rooms and an armed security tram onsite.

It is firstly outrageous to even ask you to accommodate anyone.

Your refusal should have been a devoted without question or any further commentary.

To accuse you if racism/sexism/lack of consideration etc. is completely unprofessional and defamatory.

I hope he gets his ass handed to him.

You could actually have a very strong constructive dismissal case of you find yourself unable to work for this man given the situation.

This is outrageous. I’m glad you emailed so quickly. I can’t believe manager thought it was ok to ask never mind accuse you of being unreasonable.

What did Kris02 make up? I presume you refer to the second paragraph. Seems to me nothing is made up, seems like two questions and a statement which I imagine a lot of people agree with! Maybe I am wrong (I am white) but I imagine lots of people of all races would agree that "constantly yelling racism to get what you want harms everyone, including ethnic minorities."

I can’t believe he thought even for a minute that asking you to do this would be ok?!

I am not sure that I have heard anything more racist than the idea that public masturbation is an inherent part of “African men’s sexuality”.

WOW

Eh? What kind of job expects you to house colleagues?

OP,

You should insist on an email confirming everything that has been actioned by your managers manager and HR, and what corrective action has been taken to protect you and your position.

I'm with @ThirtyThreeTrees, a constructive dismissal claim would be well supported by these emails.

There is every possibility that you will not feel safe continuing to work on his team.

Tease any issues out on email.

Agree @GCRich . Can’t remember the specifics, maybe he ( the ex) said she’d been lying. I was a naive 22 year old and took everything he said at face value but even so I knew this was wrong on several levels.