To say No to a stranger

[Myhousemyrules22]

Firstly, I know I am not being unreasonable, I just need a rant and a whinge.

My manager has asked me to house one of our new locums and has accused me of being racists and sexist for saying no. Their race is not amongst any of the reasons I'm refusing but I'm furious it's been insinuated.

I previously had a different locum stay with me. They stayed 2 weeks, only Monday to Friday. I'd already worked with the woman for a year, built up a great rapport and friendship and she asked me as a favour as she had some temporary transport issues.

The new locum I met at 9.30 this morning. He is looking for a long term room to let (6-12 months). He's already said something that makes me think he's not someone I would like to be more than civil colleagues with.

My male manager has accused me of being racists because this new locum is of BME origin. The fact is he is a strange man and as a woman living otherwise alone I wouldn't feel comfortable. This then led to me being told I'm sexist (because I've previously agreed to my female colleague stay).

My house is my home. Surely I get to decide who stays without being accused of bigotry.

WHO voted that the OP was BU?

If your manager had been that keen to house the poor man they'd have offered him a room in their own private home but instead chose to bulldoze you AND wrongly pull the race card. Wow! I can't wait to see what happens to them

This.

Let's hope he's gotten a right bollocking. Please let us know how this resolves. And good for you sticking up for yourself and not allowing him to bully you.

I really hope your manager doesn't try and manipulate the situation by saying you "misunderstood" what he said..

I think someone upthread said they had voted YABU by mistake, presumably not realising you can change it.

I'd refuse to have anyone I didn't know and trust in my home. If you're able to refuse to have anyone from now on, that's what I'd do.

It's refreshing to see someone stand up for themselves. Well done OP!

The manager probably! No other sane person would think she is obligated to have this bloke in her house for 1 minute let alone months on end

Please do not rush to accept any apology.

This is simply too serious.

A member of management has attempted to coercively dictate your private life.

He has made hugely damaging accusations against you.

I don't know how you can continue to work for him.

I think an employment lawyer would have a field day with this as would the media.

Any offer of an apology should be met with you telling them that you need to seek external advice such is the seriousness of the accusations.

You need to ask how they can guarantee your safety in the work place?

Good grief. This is mind blowing. I am at a loss as to what to say as it is so bad. I’m glad you’ve complained.

I wonder if they will try and pass it off a a joke?

This

Your boss is the one being discriminatory suggesting you need to open your female only space (your home) to a strange man.

If it’s all such a big deal let your boss take him in.

Did you get paid expenses for housing the previous locum?

No good turn goes unpunished and all that.

No one is obliged to house anyone in their home, ever.

Wow! The audacity!

well down for speaking up op!

The manager probably! No other sane person would think she is obligated to have this bloke in her house for 1 minute let alone months on end

YY I wouldn't have someone I was in uncomfortable with, especially a man, even come to my house, this is insane.

that man is unbelievable. Unacceptable, bullying and insulting behaviour

well done for your prompt action.

Glad it's being taken seriously completely unacceptable behaviour by your manager

Good Lord, the entitlement of your boss!!!!

Truly astounding!

I'd be speaking to HR about this. It is in no way OK to pressurise staff to lodge anyone in their home, even for one night, never mind someone of the opposite sex. How many women would feel ok to open their home up to a man they don't know?!!

The accusations of racism/sexism are grounds for an official complaint.

It's jaw dropping, really!!

Do you have any reported evidence of this conversation? I suspect he will be denying till he’s blue in the face, because frankly no sane minded person would believe they could bully their way into acting on this against your wishes.

Your manager - a white man - trivialised and weaponised serious stuff to make his job easier.

You have to have a specific mindset to do that. Specifically, you have to believe that on some level women or POC get an easy ride “these days”. You have to not understand, not have really thought about racism or sexism, to bandy those accusations about in this scenario.

I hope he gets his just desserts. Doubt it.

Lots of replies here focusing on it being outrageous to ask a woman to have a random man stay at her house, and course that's true, but it's also really not the main point here.

The main point is that nobody should be asked to take in a lodger as part of their bloody job! It would be every single bit as outrageous if the genders were reversed, or if the OP and the locum were both the same gender. Your employer absolutely does not have any right to tell you who should live in your bloody house!

'I wouldn't feel safe with a strange man in my house' is a perfectly good reason not to want to rent out a room to a random locum, but 'It's my house and I refuse to share it' is an equally good reason.

Whether the person is male or female, the OP has an absolute right not to be pressurised into having a lodger in her personal home ... Whether it is one night or one year...

And this is typical of the 'wife work' in employment.... That women are supposed to put themselves out (massively) and perhaps put themselves at risk, to facilitate men's ease /convenience... Whether it is running non work errands /sorting staff presents /making tea /sorting staff parties.... Or senior staff asked to make tea /take minutes for meetings.

It also means it perpetuates myths of ever solicitous women in the workplace... And it means women are taken far less seriously as they're viewed as the tea lady/errand runner... Rather than the potential manager /director

Sorry OP, I should have read your latest messages but I was just so cross on your behalf I started typing!!

Well done for standing up for yourself and doing so so quickly.

You absolutely have the moral high ground. DOn't let anyone make you fell bad about this.

Glad it's being dealt with. It's staggering that he thinks he has the right to demand you take anyone into your home!