To say No to a stranger

[Myhousemyrules22]

Firstly, I know I am not being unreasonable, I just need a rant and a whinge.

My manager has asked me to house one of our new locums and has accused me of being racists and sexist for saying no. Their race is not amongst any of the reasons I'm refusing but I'm furious it's been insinuated.

I previously had a different locum stay with me. They stayed 2 weeks, only Monday to Friday. I'd already worked with the woman for a year, built up a great rapport and friendship and she asked me as a favour as she had some temporary transport issues.

The new locum I met at 9.30 this morning. He is looking for a long term room to let (6-12 months). He's already said something that makes me think he's not someone I would like to be more than civil colleagues with.

My male manager has accused me of being racists because this new locum is of BME origin. The fact is he is a strange man and as a woman living otherwise alone I wouldn't feel comfortable. This then led to me being told I'm sexist (because I've previously agreed to my female colleague stay).

My house is my home. Surely I get to decide who stays without being accused of bigotry.

How fucking DARE he call you sexist for considering your own safety? Ignorant pig of a man.

So your a sexist racist because you won't let a stranger man live in your home for 12 months? YABU. You could sue him for that.

*you're not being unreasonable!! Not YABU 🙇🏻‍♀️

It doesn't matter whether the locum is a man or a woman or whether they're a stranger or someone already know. Your boss has absolutely no right to expect you put up ANYONE in your own home, whether it's for six months or whether it's for one night. Your home is yours and does not and should not have anything to do with your work. You don't have to justify your reasons for not wanting someone staying there. 'No, it's my home and I like my living arrangements the way they are' is a good enough reason.

I genuinely wouldn't want my own best friend living in my house for months at a time, let alone a colleague I've only met once.

The accusation of racism is unfounded and horrible.

I had a trauma client who had taken in a work colleague as a lodger. One of the things she had to address was the time he cam I to her bedroom when she was sleeping, climbed on top of her and tried to have sex with her. When she refused and had to punch him to get him to stop,.he was awful about her to all her colleagues. NTA.

You're meant to let a completely strange man, you've literally just met, move into your home?!!

Absolutely YANBU!!!

Disgraceful accusation.

It's your home you have every right to say no.

Particularly if it's someone of the opposite sex who statistically puts you at much greater risk.

I hope your manager gets his arse handed to him.

I've emailed HR and copied in his manager (who works over multiple sites and isn't here today) and my union rep

Well done, OP - and that's from a (retired) employer who doesn't suggest these things flippantly

It's bad enough when unfounded accusations are flung around in a context where they can be brushed off, but both of these are employment-killers and I suspect he knows it (also posssibly why he used them to bully you)

For this I'd want a full, detailed apology in writing and would settle for nothing less

Bugger my boots. That’s unbelievable. Stick to your guns OP.

I'm actually so shocked that this is even a thing that I can't work out if there's some piece of information that your manager thinks is relevant that you've left out.

But to be honest, I guess it's just the typical male assumption that women will do whatever is necessary to make life easier for everyone else (mostly men).

It's like an extreme version of the "wife work" that women do in the office except instead of making the tea and taking the notes, he expects you to actually put someone up in your house.

And of course, because you DARE to say no, he's throwing all kinds of accusations around. I'd be reconsidering whether you want to work with this person at all.

False allegations and glad to read of the actions you have taken so far.

Your house, your decision. Simples.

Last time was a different situation. You already knew her, she had a ahort term problem. This is different - and you've already got suspect vibes.

No.

Just out of interest what line of work are you in?

Good grief! Thank god you've sent the email.

The entitlement is beyond belief.

It's so unbelievable, it's believable!!

who the actual fuck does he think he is??

if you wanted a bloody lodger you'd have one, of YOUR choosing! Not someone forced on you!

& others have said, why can HE house them?? Probably a wife who said No Fucking way!!

You can say no for any reason, you can say no to a lodger as you don’t like people who wear blue jumpers. It’s your space and you feel safe and you decide. Not a random stranger forced upon you!

Why is your manager not hosting him?

This is so far over the line it beggers belief.

He is luck you are not talking him to court.

Your manager can volunteer his house. I would be livid at being called a racist because I didn't want to share my house with a strange man.

Outrageous! Can’t believe anyone would assume that someone can live in your house. Well done for escalating it.

Point the locum in the direction of spare rooms.com

Also shocked this a thing

what horrible accusations OP. I'm sorry you have to deal with this asshat.

As an Asian woman, I support you 100% OP.

It’s outrageous they are implying you are racist / sexist.

If you’re sexist, then so am I, as there is no way I’d allow a strange man into my home.

Your manager should lose their job. How fucking dare he bully you like this? I'm enraged for you!

Your manager is way out of order. You don’t need any reason not to house someone in your home, even if you’ve done it before. “It was a one off” should be fine.

He is also completely out of order say that you should approach having a man staying in your home the same way as a woman. Of course you’ll look apon it differently. It’s not safe for a woman alone to house a man she doesn’t previously know in her home.

If your manager does get this and accept it without question you need to go to HR. Can’t he house the bloke in his home?

This is outrageous, how dare he! Well done for complaining

Well... The manager has 'disappeared'.

They've been missing for about 45 minutes. Just got up and walked out of the office without telling anyone where he was going. No one knows where he is so I suspect he's been summoned to the HR powers that be.

@ehb102 this is exactly why. I have a history that is understandably not my employers business. I don't take having any men in my house lightly.