To say No to a stranger

[Myhousemyrules22]

Firstly, I know I am not being unreasonable, I just need a rant and a whinge.

My manager has asked me to house one of our new locums and has accused me of being racists and sexist for saying no. Their race is not amongst any of the reasons I'm refusing but I'm furious it's been insinuated.

I previously had a different locum stay with me. They stayed 2 weeks, only Monday to Friday. I'd already worked with the woman for a year, built up a great rapport and friendship and she asked me as a favour as she had some temporary transport issues.

The new locum I met at 9.30 this morning. He is looking for a long term room to let (6-12 months). He's already said something that makes me think he's not someone I would like to be more than civil colleagues with.

My male manager has accused me of being racists because this new locum is of BME origin. The fact is he is a strange man and as a woman living otherwise alone I wouldn't feel comfortable. This then led to me being told I'm sexist (because I've previously agreed to my female colleague stay).

My house is my home. Surely I get to decide who stays without being accused of bigotry.

@MadeForThis @purplecorkheart @billy1966 @Puzzledandpissedoff @blubberyboo @Emotionalsupportviper @MoveOnTheCards
I don't think the manager mentioned vagina. OP said:

He's come in with flowers and a personal letter of apology that pretty much tells me how he's a dumb man who has no idea about how it is to have a vagina

which to me reads as it was OP's interpretation of his actions that he clearly has no idea what it's like to be a woman

I agree with PPs that the flowers weren't a good move. They are a cliched apology of the "man does something dickish to a woman and this is what he thinks will sort it" type. The fact that it's extremely unlikely that he'd send apology flowers to a male colleague just highlights the inappropriateness of the gesture.

The offer of late night taxis is another bad idea as that can easily cause divisions in the workforce unless everyone on late shifts are offered them.

I don't think the manager mentioned vagina. OP said: "He's come in with flowers and a personal letter of apology that pretty much tells me how he's a dumb man who has no idea about how it is to have a vagina"

I know, Candida, but folk have mentioned it as if the manager actually used the words himself, which is why I was trying to clarify

Spot on, though, about the flowers and taxis ...

Holy wow! Your manager seriously expects you to take a strange man into your home when you live alone and when you decline (on vey reasonable grounds of safety) he calls you racist? Insanity. That wanker needs a reality check (your manager, I mean).

Catching up, sounds like his reality check got well and truly given :)

That is also how I interpreted it. If he had actually said the 'vagina' bit that would be cause for another official complaint.

Yeah I think that's paraphrasing. Unless this guy's ambition is to be permanently unemployable.

Apologies - I mis-interpreted OP's post.

Thank you for clarifying it. (I thought he was being a particularly patronising PITA and trying to be "funny")

@CandidaAlbicans2

none of us truly believed he used the word vagina exactly but OP hasn’t come back to clarify exactly what he did say.

however, he clearly was making some sort of reference to him not understanding what it is like to be a woman which means he still thinks he could have pushed a male employee into doing it, and also that she is somehow more delicate for being a woman.

he should simply have said “ I clearly have no ideas of boundaries and the limits of my own authority, and I apologise for dragging your name thru the gutter”

I agree with @billy1966 @AchatAVendre @Aquamarine1029 (and others). The apology with flowers is very telling and I would imagine he’s not really understood and is likely to return to type over time or repeat similar elsewhere. I don’t know about brilliant outcome but the correct outcome is for him to be sacked.