To say No to a stranger

[Myhousemyrules22]

Firstly, I know I am not being unreasonable, I just need a rant and a whinge.

My manager has asked me to house one of our new locums and has accused me of being racists and sexist for saying no. Their race is not amongst any of the reasons I'm refusing but I'm furious it's been insinuated.

I previously had a different locum stay with me. They stayed 2 weeks, only Monday to Friday. I'd already worked with the woman for a year, built up a great rapport and friendship and she asked me as a favour as she had some temporary transport issues.

The new locum I met at 9.30 this morning. He is looking for a long term room to let (6-12 months). He's already said something that makes me think he's not someone I would like to be more than civil colleagues with.

My male manager has accused me of being racists because this new locum is of BME origin. The fact is he is a strange man and as a woman living otherwise alone I wouldn't feel comfortable. This then led to me being told I'm sexist (because I've previously agreed to my female colleague stay).

My house is my home. Surely I get to decide who stays without being accused of bigotry.

Your manager is a bully! Of course a woman living on her own doesn't want a complete stranger in their home, wheee they share bathroom cooking and sleep j set the same roof - Fuxking insane to ask!!
Has the manager offered to put this person up?

No words
his behaviour is exceptionally unprofessional and you have absolutely ever right to be utterly outraged.

This.

It's appalling that your manager just assumes that you will open your doors (and for a considerable length of time) to a complete stranger.

You don't have to justify your decision. It's your home and you don't want a stranger in it - any stranger, but particularly a man as it removes all of your personal privacy.

Who the fuck is the 1% who think you're unreasonable?

I agree with a poster above. I'm not normally one for the nuclear button but in this case, this manager needs his arde handed to him

To treat a subordinate like this is staggering unprofessional and disgusting. You put a friend up for a short time, for part of the week. She just happened to work with you but was someone you were friendly with and female and you were comfortable like that.

To call you a racist and sexist because you then wont agree to have a strange man fully live in your home for 6 to 12 months is a leap I cannot believe anyone can make and say with a straight face.

That is your home. As your manage, he has no right whatsoever to even ask if someone can stay with you, let alone demand it and then call you racists. I hope he is sacked and you never need to see his disgusting face again.

This has made me so so angry on your behalf. How dare your manager dictate who lives on your house and when you push back be accused of being a racist, sexist, and a bigot.
Please please take this further with HR, and if necessary raise a grievance against your manager.

Men like him should not be allowed to get away with their bullying behaviour and false accusations.
I really hope you have him both barrels when he levied these accusations against you.

It will never cease to amaze me just how entitled men are. Fight this OP, it's completely unacceptable, you're allowed to pick and choose who you have in your home.

I’m really angry on your behalf too. Please would you mind updating when you know what has happened with the manager?

I also think a mere apology might not cut it.

I hope he is getting an ear bashing from HR right now! Outraged for you OP.

Oh golly. Nuclear indeed. I finish in half an hour and doubt it will be sorted before I leave now. Managers' manager just stormed past. Grabbed something from her office then stormed back out without a word to anyone. She's meant to be 20 miles away at another site.

Good for you OP. Really pleased you complained. This is beyond nuts!

Hopefully what she grabbed was your manager's P45...

Yes good for you. He'll not do that again!!

I'm glad it's kicked off. Your manager was so far over the line they can't see the line!

Sorry, but what do you mean by this? Are you saying people from BAME backgrounds use accusations of racism to get what they want?

Well done OP for taking a stand and reporting this fool. I hope you get a full and frank apology from him!

I feel a little bit like she should have quickly pulled you aside just to let you know they have heard you, you're not in any danger of trouble and they're dealing with it. Storming through the office and not saying a word just isn't a great response.

She'll have a lot on her plate and is rightly pissed off, but it had better only be at idiot manager and not in anyway at you.

Sounds like the shit had really hit the fan 😲
No doubt he's in a world of trouble!!

I wouldn’t let a strange man live in my house if he was black, white, blue or yellow.

The skin colour doesn’t matter. It’s the fact he’s a stranger AND a man.

I might be a bit more flexible for a woman, but never a man.

YANBU OP, and I’m glad HR are in involved

God what an arse, have you had any response from anyone op? It should have been acknowledged at least.

Outrageous. That should be a disciplinary at the very least.

I truly hope they get their arse handed to them, firmly!

Can you stop making shit up please.

Any explanation at all why the manager wasn't offering the locus at least a sofa in his house?

locum, not locus!

NO woman is obliged to house any man in her home for one night, let alone more.

NO man is obliged, either.

Definitely.
Not a verbal one.
In writing, confirming he was completely out of line.
And copied to whoever you deem necessary