To say No to a stranger

[Myhousemyrules22]

Firstly, I know I am not being unreasonable, I just need a rant and a whinge.

My manager has asked me to house one of our new locums and has accused me of being racists and sexist for saying no. Their race is not amongst any of the reasons I'm refusing but I'm furious it's been insinuated.

I previously had a different locum stay with me. They stayed 2 weeks, only Monday to Friday. I'd already worked with the woman for a year, built up a great rapport and friendship and she asked me as a favour as she had some temporary transport issues.

The new locum I met at 9.30 this morning. He is looking for a long term room to let (6-12 months). He's already said something that makes me think he's not someone I would like to be more than civil colleagues with.

My male manager has accused me of being racists because this new locum is of BME origin. The fact is he is a strange man and as a woman living otherwise alone I wouldn't feel comfortable. This then led to me being told I'm sexist (because I've previously agreed to my female colleague stay).

My house is my home. Surely I get to decide who stays without being accused of bigotry.

Do you let rooms in your house as a sideline? How on earth have you been manipulated into being the one to house these people?!
What's wrong with them that they can't find accommodation themselves?

I would make a complaint about this. It's madness to think you'd be expected to let someone live with you for up to a year? Surely if they need that long, they'll rent somewhere themselves or look at a house share.
It's certainly not your responsibility to house them while they work there and you have every right to say no!

I hope they tear him a new arse. I really do.

I suspect he's been summoned to the HR powers that be

Whether he has or not, please remember what I said about the detailed apology in writing - and that should include what he accused you of and an acknowledgement that it isn't so

Someone as unpleasant as this could quite easily go behind your back to insinuate that he was justified, and if he does such an apology would help to clear the matter up if necessary

He should provide you with a formal apology

What a shitty boss he is!
Mine tried to send me and a heavily pregnant colleague 400 miles away to attend a 4 hour long workshop on the 23rd of Dec. Oh and heavily pregnant colleague would HAVE to drive ( didnt want to fork out for train tickets), we would be staying overnight then travelling back Xmas eve. Oh and paying our own expenses/ hotel and could claim back " in a few months, our cost centre has taken quite a bashing, maybe leave it until the next financial year? "
We were low paid part time admin assistants.
I emailed HR, his boss, & the area manager ( covered all bases) .
He got Royally bollocked ( we were bcc'd in to the blocking, probably by mistake) and we got an apology for he distress caused ~ he had been adamant and heavily pregnant colleague was very distressed.

Dare the manager to put that in writing.

I don't let rooms as a sideline. The one colleague I had to stay previously, I let her bed down in the spare room as a favour. Due to transport issues she wasn't able to travel in from her own home like normal and as a locum wouldn't get paid if she wasn't in work (no sick or annual leave). She couldn't afford to lose the wage and we had worked together quite some time by then so I was happy to help a friend.

This man is a stranger to me and I've said no.

I've never been manipulated into anything.

I really hope he faces some kind of disciplinary action over this. It’s completely unacceptable to make these accusations, which were obviously intended to guilt/scare you into accepting a lodger.

You are under no obligation to take in a lodger of any sex or race just because you’ve done it once before. Well done for complaining.

That is completely insane. Trying to force a woman to accept a strange man in her house is outrageous. You need to react with all guns blazing. Make as much fuss as you can.

Is your manager from a BAME background? And is she related to the man she wants you to take into your home? Constantly yelling racism to get what you want harms everyone, including ethnic minorities.

I hope they tear him a new arse. I really do.

I hope he gets suspended.

Had you offered your room or why does your manager even think you currently have a room available for a locum?

Seems like a massive overstep in the first place for a workplace manager to be pressuring you to take anyone into your home.

Hope he is feeling incredibly uncomfortable right now.

Well done and so sorry you even had to do this.

Your manager is outrageous.

It doesn’t matter what race or sex the person is (though you’re within your rights to demand an apology for slander). You’re not obliged to let strangers stay in your home at the whim of your workplace...this is up to the boss/owner to organise - they’re the ones who reap the financial rewards. I can’t believe your manager had the nerve!

YANBU at all and your manager can get to fuck with his accusations.

I’d never let a strange man stay in my home.

@Kris02 nope. The manager is a white man. Definitely not related either.

@Random4321 we're quite a close knit team and we chat so people know roughly each others living situation. I don't have a room available for a locum though. I have a guest bedroom which I previously let a friend use, they just happened to also be a locum.

I would be inclined to say your manager is sexist for assuming its a woman's job to host a locum

I am genuinely staggered to read this.

He has smeared your character, attempted to bully, harrass and humiliate you into doing something in your private home.

I think this is abuse of power and highly manipulative.

Personally I do not believe an apology will cut it.

In fact, as he is your boss, the word coercive control could be applied.

I think your union should be all over this and you have grounds for a very serious complaint.

What sort of micky mouse organisation are you working for that any member of staff would imagine this would fly?

OP, I can only imagine your fury, you are obviously a strong woman.

Imagine if you were not?

Truly disgraceful behaviour.

I really hope you kick up the biggest stink.

Ask your union should this be externally investigated, such is it's seriousness.

Can you actually continue to work for this person again given the complete breach of trust? I don't believe so.

Also ACAS should be contacted for a second opinion.

I'm not one for pressing the nuclear button, but this is grounds for it.

Why can’t this chap go on Spareroom like everyone else?

I hope he gets a proper bollocking

Absolutely not! Follow the complaints procedure at your work. It's disgusting that he thinks he can bully you in to having a stranger in your home. Tell him to do one!

Why would you ever be asked to house a colleague in any circumstances. What line of work are you in?

How fucking dare he! I wouldn't let any man I didn't know stay in my home for any length of time, I probably wouldn't a woman either but I'd be more likely to, if that makes me sexist so be it