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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to bring EBF 8mo with allergies to wedding or not?

158 replies

Buffyzombie · 03/07/2022 22:46

My cousin is getting married and has always said no children at his wedding. Other than his own DD and Dnephew. I have been told that being a first cousin isn't classed as immediate family so my 2 DC aren't invited.
My problem is that DD who is 8mo and EBF has allergies and I havent been able to get her on a bottle over the last couple of months, she doesn't like the allergenic milk. My focus has been on my diet and her health, multiple allergies, milk, eggs, wheat and soy so far. This is the first occasion in the calander that has called for me to leave her and she is bottle refusing because of the formula milk we have tried to give her and she won't take.
Wedding is in 3 weeks, I have been asked to confirm tommorow if me and DP can come or not.
Cousin and Fiance have said no as other people have asked to bring children and not fair to do one thing for one person and let me when others are in thr same situation not bringing their DC and have been told no when asked.
DD won't eat anything as has barely weaned and I have offered to pay £100 for DS 2yo as not fair to leave him out. Answer is still no.
My DD can't eat if I don't feed her and through no fault of anyone's is only EBF now.
AIBU to think they should let me bring the kids as its different because the baby is poorly and I physically can't leave her or should I just accept that my attendance is obviously something they aren't that bothered about. In my mind better to have 2 guests come you originally invited plus baby and toddler we would pay for than loose 2 guests you originally wanted there as you say no children welcome, no matter the circumstances?

OP posts:
Workyticket · 03/07/2022 22:49

Yabvu - if they say no kids it's no kids (and a 2 year old wouldn't care less!)

Stop putting unfair guilt on them and just decline

Rtmhwales · 03/07/2022 22:52

YABU. Just decline.

PritiPatelsMaker · 03/07/2022 22:53

I think they've made it plain that there's no DC.

You could go for some of the Wedding and leave her with some EBM?

likeaprayingmantis · 03/07/2022 22:53

yabu. Don’t go

RedCarsGoFaster · 03/07/2022 22:54

YABU. They don't want kids there's, irrespective of what they eat.

Decline the invitation. Good luck with weaning and bottle feeding.

Travelwiththree · 03/07/2022 22:55

If you can't leave your baby with anyone else you need to decline the invitation. Could someone bring the baby to the hotel so that you could feed her? If not you'll have to decline. We had to do the same when invited to a childfree wedding 4 hours away when I was still breastfeeding. The couple understood.

Flogert · 03/07/2022 22:55

Just don’t go? I missed some events when my kids were younger as they were childfree events. That’s life!

Cactuslockdown · 03/07/2022 22:55

They’ve made their decision, and unfortunately it means you can’t go OP!

Girlmama · 03/07/2022 22:55

Yabvu. It's not your wedding. You've known their wishes all along. Politely decline, which I'm sure given what you've explained they'll be expecting anyway, and don't embarrass yourself or them by asking again. Honestly, other people's toddlers and babies aren't that important to anyone but their parents; especially on the bride and groom's day.

Hugasauras · 03/07/2022 22:56

YABU. Just don't go to the wedding if it's not possible. I'm missing out on attending a childfree wedding this summer as I've just had DD2 and she'll be too little to leave. Just one of those things when you have kids, innit?

Madeintowerhamlets · 03/07/2022 22:57

I think it’s just easier not to go in this instance. They’re right that they can’t really have one rule for you & a different rule for everyone else. They’ll just have to accept you won’t be able to make it.

Zeebs27 · 03/07/2022 22:58

It’s their wedding, their rules. They shouldn’t need to justify any further why they don’t want kids at their wedding.

I am so close to my cousins but if I was the bride or groom I would not bend over backwards and sacrifice what I want just to accommodate them on my special day.

Planning a wedding is stressful enough without a family member proposing different ways of trying to bring two kids to a wedding that they clearly don’t want any other kids to attend!

Original poster
Buffyzombie · 03/07/2022 22:58

I dont want to add extra stress to their day. There are 2 children going already. My cousins DD and his Dnephew. Also, I really do want to go. It's a really tough decision to decline. I feel sad about the whole thing

OP posts:
Rainbowshit · 03/07/2022 22:59

YABU. You need to decline.

My DS wouldn't take the hypoallergenic formula at all. Ended up breastfeeding until he was 2.

Heyisforhorses · 03/07/2022 22:59

YABVU and if you're not only asking to being your BF child but your other child too! V v cheeky and at 2, he really wont know that hes missing out.

Is there a reason you cant pump and leave bottles there for someone to feed your baby while you're at the wedding? In fairness I think you should decline because it doesn't sound like you would relax enough to enjoy it without the kids there.

DontLikeCoffee · 03/07/2022 23:00

Your 2 year old is really not going to care about being left out from a wedding. Yabu to offer to pay, they don’t want kids there.

It’s unfortunate about the baby. What formula are you trying to give? Have you tried pumping?

JustMarriedBecca · 03/07/2022 23:00

Is there an option to have someone not at the wedding in a hotel room closeby and you just leave to feed and go back again? We had to do this for a friend's wedding and was fine.

Workyticket · 03/07/2022 23:00

Buffyzombie · 03/07/2022 22:58

I dont want to add extra stress to their day. There are 2 children going already. My cousins DD and his Dnephew. Also, I really do want to go. It's a really tough decision to decline. I feel sad about the whole thing

It's really not a hard decision. It's not a decision at all really

You can't leave the baby, nor can you take the baby so therefore you have to decline

DelphiniumBlue · 03/07/2022 23:01

You can't leave the baby so you can't go. Simple. Just tell your cousin that as soon as possible.

AubadeIsIt · 03/07/2022 23:02

Yanbu and you shouldn't go. You're right to put your baby's needs before those of people who are too good to have children at their wedding (I've never understood how this concept could be viewed as acceptable). Hope the EBF continues wellFlowers

GoldenSpiral · 03/07/2022 23:03

You've already asked and offered money, which will have made them feel very awkward. It's time to decline the invitation. You can't always get what you want, it's part of life.

Original poster
Buffyzombie · 03/07/2022 23:04

JustMarriedBecca · 03/07/2022 23:00

Is there an option to have someone not at the wedding in a hotel room closeby and you just leave to feed and go back again? We had to do this for a friend's wedding and was fine.

If we had more than one childcare option then yes we would do this but not fair to keep the 2 year old in a hotel room being looked after all day just so I can feed the baby unfortunately

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 03/07/2022 23:05

They haven't invited your children. You've asked and been told no.

Unless you are willing to have someone with your baby nearby so you can pop out to feed you don't have any other options.

So decline and wish them a happy day.

YesNoMaybeNot · 03/07/2022 23:05

By doing this you are adding stress to their day. You seem to want to guilt them into allowing your DC.

DC aren't invited. You either go or you don't. It's that simple. Their wedding their choice.

Also a 2 year old seriously isn't going to care.

Happytap · 03/07/2022 23:07

agree with everyone else - it’s a shame, but you have to decline (and probably should have done so a while ago)