To ask to bring EBF 8mo with allergies to wedding or not?

[Buffyzombie]

My cousin is getting married and has always said no children at his wedding. Other than his own DD and Dnephew. I have been told that being a first cousin isn't classed as immediate family so my 2 DC aren't invited.
My problem is that DD who is 8mo and EBF has allergies and I havent been able to get her on a bottle over the last couple of months, she doesn't like the allergenic milk. My focus has been on my diet and her health, multiple allergies, milk, eggs, wheat and soy so far. This is the first occasion in the calander that has called for me to leave her and she is bottle refusing because of the formula milk we have tried to give her and she won't take.
Wedding is in 3 weeks, I have been asked to confirm tommorow if me and DP can come or not.
Cousin and Fiance have said no as other people have asked to bring children and not fair to do one thing for one person and let me when others are in thr same situation not bringing their DC and have been told no when asked.
DD won't eat anything as has barely weaned and I have offered to pay £100 for DS 2yo as not fair to leave him out. Answer is still no.
My DD can't eat if I don't feed her and through no fault of anyone's is only EBF now.
AIBU to think they should let me bring the kids as its different because the baby is poorly and I physically can't leave her or should I just accept that my attendance is obviously something they aren't that bothered about. In my mind better to have 2 guests come you originally invited plus baby and toddler we would pay for than loose 2 guests you originally wanted there as you say no children welcome, no matter the circumstances?

@ZpaigeoneZ I hate when people say things like this.

Not every baby is the same. Mine was a bottle refuser and expressing just didn't work for me.

Please don't pile guilt onto mothers who cannot leave a breastfed baby

8 months are 2 are terrible ages for a wedding. They would be noisy and disruptive at a child free wedding.

@ZpaigeoneZ Annie chose to do that but she did not have to, and nor should anyone else. I’m a staunch defender of childfree weddings and I’d have one myself, but they mean accepting some people can’t attend and not putting them in a position where things like that are necessary.

Guilt tripping works both ways. OP shouldn’t be badgering the couple to change their mind, and a couple shouldn’t be pressurising a mum to bend over backwards to attend.

This is why I don't bring my kids to weddings they are invited to. I want to concentrate on celebrating with the bride and groom (I don't mean getting drunk). I don't want to be managing my young kids.

My mum is getting married in October and is insistent that my kids attend, though I've told her it'll mean we leave early, will have to sit together etc. She was is insistent but is now narked I won't sit at the top table or stay beyond 8pm.

A friend of mine had a childfree wedding, which was goth themed and in a medieval setting. Despite her making it clear that children were not invited, one of her cousins tried to force her to invite the cousin's three under fives.

"We come as a package, it's all of us or none of us!" said the cousin.

"We'll miss you!" replied my friend.

The wedding and the reception were both super fun and no-one missed cousinzilla at all.

Please don't pile guilt onto mothers who cannot leave a breastfed baby

........and nor should the OP be piling guilt on to the Bride and Groom who are choosing to have the wedding they want.

As @rainbowmilk said "Guilt tripping works both ways. OP shouldn’t be badgering the couple to change their mind"

As parents, we all make choices - including the choice to breastfeed in the first place. In doing so, you are then making a choice knowing you might not be able to leave the baby for long, for the time you are breastfeeding. this will obviously then impact on the events you can attend, for the length of time you choose to breastfeed for. I am all for encouraging mothers to breastfeed, but that is one of the downsides of that choice.
In truth, the very fact of having dc impacts upon your life. When my dc were small, obviously we went to far fewer things than when we were child free. It impacts your whole life. Having dc is wonderful, for so many reasons, but lets not pretend we can just carry on without it impacting so many decisions you make.

I was kind of on the fence, until you said it wouldn't be fair to leave the 2yo at home... Even if they wanted to make an exception, you ruined it by being greedy.

You seriously aren’t comparing your dc to the groom’s daughter going to the wedding, are you? There is no comparison there. And, to be honest, it is their choice. The groom’s daughter is probably not a baby that could cry at any moment during the ceremony. Also, children do not appreciate a wedding for what it is. This moment should be about what the bride and groom wants. It is their day and their vision. Please stop being so selfish and immature and do what adults would do in this situation, decline.