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AIBU?

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Original poster

This has only just dawned on me..

233 replies

HowWillIKnow247 · 03/07/2022 08:22

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

OP posts:
Momicrone · 03/07/2022 08:27

Life is about adapting, and you can take your baby to the cinema

Skinnermarink · 03/07/2022 08:27

I still go to the cinema! And gigs, sports events…So does DH. We just don’t go together 🤣

ChinnyTroubles · 03/07/2022 08:30

Cinema is fine unless it's a 15/18!!

But yes, big changes ahead. Most things still doable though if you have the energy 😀

Iamnotamermaid · 03/07/2022 08:32

Yep, a new era dawns. Like others said, you may get to see the inside of a cinema without DP. But whether you manage to stay awake by the end of the film is another matter 😂 Avoid the 3 hour ones to begin with is my advice.

The spontaneity will need a bit more planning. 😁

EweCee · 03/07/2022 08:35

Those times will come back again though; you just need to adapt for a while. My DC were on a sleepover last night (10yo) so we unexpectedly had a free night and went cycling into town, had a meal, watched a movie.

Iceewicee · 03/07/2022 08:36

Yes the spontaneity does disappear for a while. But it does come back. My kids are 7 and 9 now and we can be pretty spontaneous at weekends. My tip is don't sign them up for the five hundred extra curricular activities everyone on MN seems to go for and you'll be fine.

PermanentTemporary · 03/07/2022 08:37

I'd agree there are changes abead and spontaneity gets harder.

Tbh I found a dog more restrictive than a baby in some ways. Babies grow up...

Iceewicee · 03/07/2022 08:39

Also, I used to love going to the cinema before DC. We had cineworld cards and went all the time. We've been loads in the last few months and everything has been pants TBH. So I wouldn't say you'd be missing much!

TheVolturi · 03/07/2022 08:40

If you have good family support network then you can still do things? I remember having this panic when I was in labour with my first. I cried like a mad thing because I knew my life was going to change. He was also a very long awaited baby, it's normal to feel like this!

MoneyTreePose · 03/07/2022 08:40

I hear you, single parent to teens so I can go out now but it was a long haul.

I think a couple and one baby still allows a bit of freedom tbh.

If he pulls his weight and the pair of you work well together generally and also value free time too and support that, then you will be ok.

Two adults and one baby is manageable if your H is going to meet you half way.

If you realise you are outnumbered, one adult and two small dc and your H won't meet you anywhere near half way! then yeh, you have lost your freedom. It happened to me but I got through it. I have quite a lot of freedom now. Not freedom to go away over night perhaps but although youngest only sixteen.

Devotedcatslave · 03/07/2022 08:41

It'll feel like you blink and your baby is a teenager and you can rediscover being able to be spontaneous. In the mean time there are so many other amazing experiences you will get to have. I loved the time when mine was small. Watching him discover the world was brilliant fun so I never missed cinema trips etc.

Simonjt · 03/07/2022 08:41

You can still do most things, you just have to plan better. Our daughter isn’t a year yet, shes been abroad three times, two gigs, cinema once, camping, pride and restaurants.

By the age of three my son had been to glastonbury twice, abroad, camping, gigs at hyde park, pride twice, cinema, restaurants, rugby tour.

The biggest change is putting your shoes on thirty minutes before you’re due to leave the house rather than 30 seconds!

Cantanka · 03/07/2022 08:41

Spontaneity gets harder but with planning you can still do things together, just less often. If you have local family to help with childcare it’ll be easier.

what does go and is hard to ever get back is things like lazy Sundays in bed or extended periods just chilling.

it’s totally worth it though! All the best for the upcoming arrival!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 03/07/2022 08:42

It’s for a few years, babies grow up. You will be able to do spontaneous stuff again, just not for a while.

ZenNudist · 03/07/2022 08:42

It's not gone for good. You can go back to it when you are older. A baby is pretty portable and good to do lots of couples stuff with them in tow especially until they can move about.

The best one is holidays you can take them out for an evening meal or evening walk asleep in the pram.

Gunpowder · 03/07/2022 08:42

Baby cinema is brilliant! You watch the latest releases but everyone is breastfeeding and no one tuts if your baby fusses.

You are absolutely right though! Your life will change incalculably. If you have funds and time allows, I would try and go to the cinema, go out for dinner/lunch, see friends etc. this week. It’s nice to make the most of the last few days of it being just you and if you have fun things booked, Sod’s law your baby will arrive on time. 😀

Luckystar1 · 03/07/2022 08:42

I won’t lie OP my eldest is 7 almost 8, and we haven’t been to the cinema to watch an ‘adult’ movie since before he was born. We have no family support and at £10 per hour, we do not want to waste a babysitter on the cinema!

Yes, it’s not as easy to do things of course, but a whole new world of things to do is about to open to you, that you’d never have thought to do before.

It will all be ok! It just takes a bit of adjustment (although perhaps don’t underestimate how that adjustment might feel to you).

I’m about to have baby #4, and honestly, I just can’t believe I will have this many children. It seems absolutely bonkers!

NoSquirrels · 03/07/2022 08:44

Your spontaneous entertainment choices change - for a while you won’t be choosing to go to the cinema as a couple as a spur of the moment thing, but there’s parent & baby screenings of new releases (loved those!), you can go individually or with friends etc. Then when your baby is old enough to enjoy it for themselves you can spontaneously decide to go to an age-appropriate movie Grin

But you can still eat out, go to a museum/art gallery/attraction, street markets, festivals, whatever. One baby fits in and is portable and can be taken anywhere. One toddler also adapts to the way you live (with some age-appropriate adaptations from you!) More than one child it gets harder but not at all impossible.

I’ll tell you what you should enjoy right now, OP. Stepping out of your front door with just a phone, keys and a means of payment. Appreciate it for a few weeks! Your life is about to involve a lot more luggage…

Trixiefirecracker · 03/07/2022 08:44

Everything changes with a baby but on the ‘plus’ side you’ll be so f*cking tired you won’t want to go out. 😂

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 03/07/2022 08:44

Yeah it all does change for a while. But your priorities change too so you don't mind as much. You get new things that you wouldn't have done.

RainCoffeeBook · 03/07/2022 08:45

We went to baby cinema screenings. When they became toddlers we just saw movies alone. It was nice to get some alone time, to be honest.

Travel and restaurants we continued to do with the babies and toddlers. Thankfully ours are well behaved so we had it pretty easy. They are well and they travel well, so we could still go on nice holidays to the destinations and cities we wanted to (no resorts or kids club stuff.) I found just having the right attitude was helpful. If you convince yourself you can't take a baby to a place then you probably can't. If you realise that it's really not a big deal, it's easy.

ShirleyJackson · 03/07/2022 08:46

When you have children, you start doing loads of other activities.

Mine have grown up and left home now, and I really miss the little days out to parks, petting zoos, funfairs, etc.

Life doesn’t end. It changes, and you adapt.

serafinarose · 03/07/2022 08:48

It does change. In my last trimester I made sure I did lots of 'last times'. Things I knew I wouldn't be able to do again for a while. Went to the drive thru at 10pm, spent quality baby free time with people, visited far away places without baby facilities. Because I did all that, and made the most of the 'last times' it's somehow easier because I'm not sitting here wishing I could. There's new things to do now.

Flamingoose · 03/07/2022 08:48

People forget that they are only small for a short time.
No, you can't have quite the spontaneity you're used to for a few years. But then you will again.

Sally090807 · 03/07/2022 08:49

ChinnyTroubles · 03/07/2022 08:30

Cinema is fine unless it's a 15/18!!

But yes, big changes ahead. Most things still doable though if you have the energy 😀

I disagree and think it’s completely selfish taking a tiny baby to the cinema. At a recent screening a couple had a baby with them and it’s cried endlessly, absolutely ruining the enjoyment of the film altogether.

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