This has only just dawned on me..

[HowWillIKnow247]

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

I remember when DS was a baby I needed to pop to the shops to get something, whilst DH was at work, and then realised popping to the shops was now not a thing, as had to sort DS out so was much more of a logistical nightmare. It took me a bit of time to get my head round that.

But we were lucky that DS was very good in cafes at lunchtime, so that became our treat at weekends. We didn’t have family nearby for support.

The choice of films you watch at the cinema changes for a number of years!

But DS is a teenager now, and I look back fondly at the way our lives changed and miss that he doesn’t want to spend much time with us anymore

Kids can be a pain; having them is a shock, especially after a long period of adult life being childless. But you adapt, and they become the centre of your world.

I missed leisurely Sunday mornings with the newspapers and a pot of coffee. That was a huge shock for me when I realised that the days of that even feeling relaxing (it really doesn't, when you have a crying baby or toddler making havoc) were gone. But we good into a routine of Sunday morning walks with the pushchair to a little cafe in the park instead; life just evolves.

More than anything your life goal is a happy child, and you'll find yourself doing anything you can to achieve that.

I think having children is very good for people actually; it teaches you to be selfless in a way you don't have to be until parenthood hits. Putting someone else's needs first for 15 + years.

Just popping to the shops was the holy grail.
Always best when able to do it alone. Without a pram. Or a nappy bag. Or bogged down with “next feed” or “next nap time” thoughts. To be able to just wander with empty thoughts, actually look at stuff, take my time and not rush.
A Sunday morning hour spent walking around Asda became bliss. Just bliss during baby/toddler years.
We took it in turns. All week I looked forward to that.

I think when I realized that no, actually baby doesn't need to be in their cot at 7pm like everyone else but actually I could get her ready for bed and walk her down to the beach instead for an evening stroll or as a toddler / preschooler we could go swimming in the evening, shower there then (shock horror) put her PJs on there and take her home.

Babies are pretty portable you can have a routine that fits your family until they are at school. The spontaneity really ends once you start enlisting them in extracurriculars and once they start school.

Baby cinema is great, there are also lots of outdoor cinemas in the summer.

First few weeks it's like a bomb went off on your life and everything is totally changed.

Never mind the cinema, is hard to find time to shower even!

Don't worry. It all settles down. Gradually you start going on with your life with baby in tow. It takes you 90 mins to leave the house at first but you get better at this with practice. You learn how to do it, you learn the windows of opportunity between feeding and napping, you have your nappy bag ready to go and spare clothes etc. tastes time but you develop your own method.

Then gradually baby grows and sleeps more and feeds less, you start to be confident you can have an evening together.

You do get your life back although in a changed way because from the moment your baby is born until sometime I am yet to experience, the needs of your child come first and are the first thoughts in your mind. That is a major emotional and psychological change.

Mine are now 13 and 11, we are able to leave them for a couple of hours and there is no longer quite the same need for Rick solid childcare and frantic planning. If I'm late from work they're fine at home and can put a pizza in the oven if they're hungry.

And they have their own lives and interests and they don't necessarily want our input ALL the time any more. We facilitate their hobbies and social lives and then we have nice chunks of time together as a family but is much less intense than when they were small.

It's lovely - we have the love of having children but also some of that old freedom.

Maybe something to remember when you are deep in the early days - it is not forever!

Absolutely normal. Your life will be turned upside down for a short while. If you have family nearby who want to be involved, that will make a big difference to what you can do from your previous life. You may be too tired to be bothered fir quite a while. Depends very much on how your baby sleeps.

Thank you all for your replies.
I am looking forward to the changes of the different things we will get to do with a child and seeing the world through their eyes. There was a lot I didn't get to do as a child that was 'childlike' so I'm looking forward to all of that, and experiencing it with them.

I have been warned that we won't be able to just grab our keys and phone and head out the door any more and it'll be more of a 'military operation' that may take 30 mins or more..!!

We don't really have family that would babysit. But we do have a couple of really close friends who we know would absolutely want to babysit at any opportunity if that were to be the case.

I wasn't sure if I was being naive in hoping that we can still do things and take the baby with us. I.e. we love the theatre and I mentioned we'd go and just take the baby and DP said "I'm pretty sure you can't take a baby into the theatre".

DP told me the other day they've booked us tickets for a show in October and has already arranged for a friend to babysit (even though baby isn't born yet! Definitely planning ahead!) and I already feel nervous about leaving the baby with someone else who isn't us. I know I can't have it both ways.

You get to do different things Op.
My 2 are adults now but my best memories are of life with a young family not all the things we did prior to having dc.
And now we go out again as a couple and that’s fun.
Having dgc is the best though, family time and then just us two at home.

In my experience, it's the more kids you have, the less you are able to do. With one kid, I was still young myself and out most weekends as I lived at home and my parents would babysit. Now I've got 4 kids, it's extremely hard to arrange to do anything social and anything spontaneous is near impossible.

We have one ten year old in similar circumstances to you. Fertility struggles, losses but also a long child free marriage where we lived travelling and going to theatre etc. I found it hard to adjust and tried really hard to bring baby abroad and carry on with theatre nights etc but it wasn't the same. The baby screamed the whole way from Paris to London on the train, I was shattered as she didn't sleep...

After the hideous trip abroad I decided to just stick to UK breaks, sleep train and make the most of every offer of babysitting! A decade on my favourite thing is watching dd having fun on holiday and we still prefer Cornwall with the pup to a plane trip. We have a lot of fun.

We can take her to some shows now, others we organise a babysitter. We also have a family diary so we know where we are and can book in time with friends easily. You'll find what suits you. Just don't worry if it takes a while or pressure yourself to be the same as before. Life is different but fantastic!

Yeah, don't take a baby to a cinema unless you want to be hated by everyone in there 😁.

Yes. Your life changes. Many things require a bit more thought and planning.

On the plus side, in a couple of years you get to play on swings, slides, horses, witches hats and roundabouts and everyone will think you're doing it because you're a really good parent. 😁

Erm. For a while all the spontaneity goes for most people - the exception being very lucky people whose have on tap childcare.

After a while some spontaneity comes back but it’s different. Good different though.

Some Cinemas have baby sessions!

It’s the end of spontaneity for a while, no doubt. But you adjust. And there is lots of new joy you’ll experience from doing things with your child.

This sums it up perfectly 😂

Me and DH still enjoy all the things we used to…..except now we do them separately.

Things are improving now though as the children are 5 and 8 so it’s easier to leave them with people if me and DH want to go out of an evening. It still had to be planned in advance though, all spontaneity of life has gone.

Losing your freedom in that way is definitely the downside to having children.

I think Cinema visits are becoming less so now anyway .Netflix probably beckons! TBH there are so many things you can do .pop for a walk with your new born and doggy ,lunch/(cold drinks) in a cafe .trips to the park and some lovely baby shopping .If you have friends that will babysit that is great! I think taking babe to Cinema /Theatre is a bit of a No No TBH .Its not really fair on everyone else or you either as probably difficult to relax properly!

It really isn't a military operation, you keep the nappy bag packed and you can grab and go. Some people make life a lot harder than it needs to be, people have been having babies for forever and managed.

I used 2 rucksacks for a nappy bag one in use and one packed ready to use if the other one needed refilling (nappy paraphernalia, suntan lotion, hand sanitizer, a change of clothes for baby and a change of top for you, a bottle of water for you and snacks for you and DC when old enough, a purse with credit card and £20 cash in each bag for emergencies ie those times you forget to take your main purse with you) .

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I think that's really insightful. I think that is the major change really - you can go out and leave baby - but then you have to manage the feelings of anxiety you have about having left them! Baby will be fine of course but you just can't go out in the carefree way you used.

So many times DH and I went out for some alone time and spent the entire evening talking about the kids! 🤣

With the theatre, are you planning to breastfeed?

Imo you don't necessarily do lots of the grown up things like theatre, cinema, fancy dinners, but there are so many fun activities that you can do with kids. Swimming, walks, museums, festivals, brunch. And parks and the farm etc. And when baby is small I had a stretchy sling and she just came along. Art galleries, baby cinema (adult films not kids ones), national trust houses etc.

Also another one suggesting baby cinema!! It’s amazing. And they give you coffee and cake with your ticket at Everyman cinemas if you have one near you!

I am planning to breastfeed, but we are also looking at doing formula milk in addition to this. I don't know much about it, so we've both been looking at options around that. DP really wants to feed as well so I'll hopefully be able to express, and use formula maybe?

We have national trust passes so hopefully they'll be of good use too!

It sounds like from many of your replies that pre planning and good organisation is key.
I like the idea of having a bag already filled and ready to go to make things easier.

Oh God yes.

I used to LOVE wandering around ASDA without the children. It honestly felt like it was the only time I got to myself and I would amble around with my trolley, strolling up and down at the aisle, enjoying the peace and enjoying being alone, walking at a snails pace just so I could drag it out as long as possible. It’s ridiculous but I felt so free.

It felt the same when I got in the car without the children with me. I used to feel so free and it was exhilarating 😂

Coffee and cake too?! That's definitely my kind of cinema!

I absolutely loved parent and baby cinema! If you are in the north west there are some amazing ones around Liverpool and Manchester.
Life will change for a while. It feels like forever when it's happening but then your child will be 3 or 4 and it gets easier.
You may be fortunate enough to have great family support. Even if not you will get some free time back in a few years! And then you'll miss your child when they aren't there 😆🙈

Enjoy your baby x