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Original poster

This has only just dawned on me..

233 replies

HowWillIKnow247 · 03/07/2022 08:22

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

OP posts:
CambsAlways · 04/07/2022 21:13

Trixiefirecracker 🤣🤣😜

DarthTater3 · 04/07/2022 21:16

You may not be able to do those things together very often anymore, but there’s a whole bunch of new stuff that you can now do that you couldn’t do before or that will be ten times better because now you have a child to enjoy them with 🙂 Congratulations x

JimTheShit · 04/07/2022 21:16

I purposely only have one child for this very reason but DH and I end up doing a lot separately.
But yes for the first few years, I remember going to the cinema with friends and managed to stay awake.

On reflection, the lack of spontaneity was the hardest thing I found about having a baby.

JimTheShit · 04/07/2022 21:17

*never managed to stay awake.

summersbysea · 04/07/2022 21:26

HowWillIKnow247 · 03/07/2022 08:22

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

Yes life does change u just have to plan things more around a babysitter.
I am constantly drained with the chores I got to and just nod off. I sometimes go out for drinks and parties but I have to be responsible and be home on time.

Ivylane · 04/07/2022 21:31

Life will never be the same again, but you won’t want it to be, the first few years you probably won’t be able to do everything you’re used to doing together whenever the mood takes you, but in time you’ll get a little bit more freedom back. FYI- Lots of cinemas do special lower noise screenings of films so parents can take babies in.

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 04/07/2022 21:31

It depends on your support network but you don't completely lose your freedom.
Book annual leave while the kids are in nursery and have a day as a couple. Get grandparents to babysit/have a sleepover, or just pay for a childminder.
Sure there's more planning involved and less spontaneity, but you will definitely appreciate time to yourself more. Grin

SkeletonFight · 04/07/2022 21:32

Don't worry - the baby stage will pass. It only gets worse 😂

bouncydog · 04/07/2022 21:43

First dinner out DD was 4 weeks (spent first 3 in NICU) so we took her in her carry chair. As she got older we were lucky with grandparents babysitting (she stayed at theirs) but we found we did different things the 3 of us. She’s now 29 and no idea where all those years went! Enjoy the moment - you won’t yearn for the pre-baby days you’ll just naturally adapt.

Ahardyfool · 04/07/2022 21:47

@Eeksteek so much this. I have a 12 year old (my youngest, the others are all adults now) and the youngest 3 of mine are all autistic with varying degrees of PDA. As soon as they got to Y5/6 life became really quite challenging. God, the arguing and the amount of patience required to deal with it all!

joles12 · 04/07/2022 21:51

To be honest I would say make the most of the first few months - when baby is tiny and fast asleep you can still do lunches and dinners like you used to do - it gets harder as they get into 6 months plus. Enjoy it all !!

Fulbe · 04/07/2022 21:58

Make the most of the early weeks when they sleep through anything. People will appreciate that they're so tiny, it won't matter if they cry and you can always breastfeed through things (although DD was a very noisy 'eater'!). We went to poetry readings and other cultural stuff in the early weeks and would have continued to, except that lockdown happened. oh and baby cinema is a thing, just it's in the daytime. By the time they're walking you might have to reconsider but we eat out a lot with our toddler, they and you adapt.

Stopsnowing · 04/07/2022 21:59

It takes years to get spontaneity back. You won’t pay a sitter to just see a film you can see at home a few weeks later.

wentworthinmate · 04/07/2022 22:04

My life stopped. Both my parents still worked. OH parents lived a long way away. I am an only child. Then my marriage broke down when I returned to work after maternity leave. The first few years were lonely and a struggle. But you have a partner and you’ll find your feet. Give it time.

maryleboneym · 04/07/2022 22:05

Ohhhh OP! Im still adapting 4 years later. Thats the hardest part of parenting IMO. The not being able to do what you want. Not even
carry out a basic task like emptying dishwasher without interruption. Not leaving the house spontaneously. Never going anywhere without a backpack full of stuff. It’s an adjustment alright. In struggled with that in the early days.

And you will go to the cinema but itll be to watch paw patrol or Peppa pig 🤯

But when you have a newborn be sure to go out for dinner or to the pub and nice
walks with baby in a sling because baby will
sleep especially in a pram. Whereas when they’re 2-3 eating out can be traumatic and toddlers can make it unpleasant when they kick off 😂

Frazzled2207 · 04/07/2022 22:17

I think I had this realisation too

it’a true, everything is a lot harder especially initially. In our case we got pregnant with number 2 within a few months so have a total of about 5 years of blur that I can’t really remember

but I promise you it’s ok and that you will cope. Mine are now 7 and 8 and we can do stuff like go to the cinema to see a 12a
or pg or meal/day out fairly impulsively. Holidays abroad are back too, albeit not quite as relaxing as in the past

it becomes a new normal. You’ll meet lots of other new parents muddling through too. Although I’ve found it all very trying and tiring at times there hasn’t been a single moment where I wondered what have I done.

Mrsmch123 · 04/07/2022 22:17

Your life is 100% about to be flipped upside down but in the best possible way. I loved partying, travelling and just generally doing spontaneous things. Then the little guy came along (ivf) and honestly I would trade it all a million times for him. Yes my life is different now but it has a different type of enjoyment in it now. Good luck with your little bundle!!

3isthemagicnumber3 · 04/07/2022 22:20

Everything changes and you adapt to your new life

Foggydayz · 04/07/2022 22:39

Yes , it goes, but then, you dont care because you have a new love in your life who you adore. Evenings out dont really appeal to many parents

Staying in to read bedtime stories and give kiddo a bath makes your heart sing. Having 2 or 3 kids who love and play together is wonderful

However, having a partner who isn't as bonded and still wants nights out on the lash, cinema, concerts, that can be painful

WarrenGRegulate · 04/07/2022 23:18

Awww I am SOO excited for you, massive congratulations! 🧡

Eeksteek · 04/07/2022 23:21

Ahardyfool · 04/07/2022 21:47

@Eeksteek so much this. I have a 12 year old (my youngest, the others are all adults now) and the youngest 3 of mine are all autistic with varying degrees of PDA. As soon as they got to Y5/6 life became really quite challenging. God, the arguing and the amount of patience required to deal with it all!

I really struggle being somebodies motivation. I have enough trouble with my own, these days!!

nbrown2022x · 04/07/2022 23:22

HowWillIKnow247 · 03/07/2022 08:22

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

I remember this thought when I was 35 weeks pregnant and I sobbed so hard 🤣 it was like I was mourning our old life. Just an FYI. We still have those days. Not as many now with a 4 month old. But when we do get this moments, my god do we cherish them. Good luck xxxx

waveyourpompoms · 04/07/2022 23:54

Skinnermarink · 04/07/2022 20:31

Sorry but this is mostly a load of rubbish!

Show quote history

How so?

RubyandPearl · 05/07/2022 00:34

Your life will never be the same. It will be infinitely better. Enjoy every second x

Mamanyt · 05/07/2022 01:15

Take heart. This, too, shall pass. And if you've done your job properly, that baby will be well able to stay on its own while Mum and Dad go to the cinema in 13 years or so.