This has only just dawned on me..

[HowWillIKnow247]

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

Cinema:baby cinema for you on mat leave. From probably 6months onwards (in my case anyway!) they go to bed about 7 so you can get a babysitter and go!
But no - spontaneity goes out the window with dc..but honestly, what you miss in spontaneity you make up for in SO many other ways. You just can’t see it yet as you haven’t fallen in love with your baby!

You’ll get to enjoy other things, Christmas morning will AMAZING! Taking your child on their first holiday all those little things out weigh the things you can’t do as often. Cinemas have baby screenings these days, you can enjoy meals out just at different places. The time you have a night to yourself you’ll enjoy it much more because you hardly do it.

Re close relationships as teenagers, it's also lovely to see your teens going happily off to do their own thing and I'm not going to give my son the sad face about it!

I can remember sobbing when I was hormonal after the birth and thinking I'd ruined my life. As everyone says, life changes but actually you get lots of freedom back. Best of luck op!

You can take a small baby to most places.
For larger children you can arrange a babysitter ( or make mutual agreements with friends/family). The children will spend days and nights away form home on their own social lives hobbies ( Scouts, sleepovers, hobby trips, staying with friends relatives) when you can do as you please

We had a normal adult /couples social life all through our kids childhood as did all our friends.

Yep, but this is just a new chapter where you’ll get to experience all sorts of new things! One door opens and another one closes and all that.
enjoy your new chapter, and good luck!

Babies are much easier to take to the cinema than children. But you will adapt.

Your baby will be your entertainment - each time you lift the cover off and see those little frog legs ...aaaaaw! The first weeks are easy when they eat and sleep all the time. It is later it hits you. It's a stage of life. I live near a couple of young couples and it has been like TV - the couples on their own, then the pregnancy and then another and now the "let's get them out in the car asap at 8.30 on a Sunday morning " with a million bags and numerous slamming of doors - husband harassed and running back and forth to the house a million times. Nosy neighbour? Maybe but the slamming of the doors and the barking of their dog woke me up 😂 Enjoy it as you will forget. I would love to go back in time and have another baby day with my son.

Excellent tip, @Iceewicee !

Same, we haven’t been able to do anything like that since before DC due to lack of family support, so it’s been a massive change to our lives.

I still get to go to the cinema, just with Dd 4 and what she wants to see 🤣
I also miss those times very much…lazy Sundays with breakfast and want we want on tv..deciding to maybe go out later…lunch, a film, a drink…or lying on the sofa watching films all day in we liked 😩

@InTheNightWeWillWish
I was thinking that about the dog! He comes everywhere with us so we have to adapt a lot around him! And like you say, there's many places he can't go so we often need to plan ahead to find dog friendly places and holidays etc! Hopefully this has helped to get some practice in!

What sort of walks do you currently do with the dog, will they be suitable for bringing baby along too? How are you going to keep dog and baby separate?

Yeah your life will totally change and it’s difficult to understand the extent of change until it happens

the spontaneity and lie ins will be gone - at least for a while

but you won’t want it any other way and it’s still a short time that they are so little

plus I can still do things- just with my friends and not with dh - eg I’ve gone for hen dos and dinners)

we can only do fun things as a couple if we have a babysitter (or we go for Friday lunch when we are both at work)

dd is 3 and I’ve spent 2 nights away from her in that whole time for 2 weddings with dh - my parents looked after her. So it’s not impossible to do things together but just takes preparation.

In the early days you can go pretty much anywhere with the right kit i.e. baby sling.

I would say adjust your expectations and avoid stressful situations. i.e. theory is that it is enjoyable to eat out with a baby/toddler - but reality is unless sleeping (in which case you will be lucky to put the pram next to the restaurant table outdoors) you may struggle to eat your meal in peace (but having said that if you have a partner and baby cries you can take turns and pop outside with baby to settle them down again).

Some people frown at babies making noises in public. Yes I get that - child free time and all that but as long as someone else is lookng after it I don't see the problem. On various other continents kids are included more in different environments.

Spontaneity is hard but you can still do nice things with planning. And babysitters!

For example, I took my mum to a matinee showing at the cinema a few weeks ago, and I'm going to (another matinee) show at the theatre next week. My hubby is looking after our DS and I'll do the same for him - he goes to gigs semi regularly but I struggle a bit with evening stuff because I'm breastfeeding. We prefer to do things as a family rather than just the two of us as it's easier but if we do have tickets for evening things, the grandparents babysit. We've also been away on lots of mini breaks, alone and with my parents. My DS is 12 months old :) I don't think we've let it change the things we like to do too drastically to be honest... But I know lots of people who don't have the same personality or drive as me and see things differently... Eg I take my little one out for lunch all the time but lots of friends are horrified by that!!

Another thing worth noting is it depends on your baby. Admittedly, mine is pretty easy oasy and isn't clingy, I can leave him with others.

Stuff has to be planned far more and it depends on what you like plus how much your child behaves.

Hillwalking, beach, cycling, museums, eating out and gaming for us both video and board gaming.

All these things were very adaptable with a child in tow so we still went hill walking but we bought a really decent metal framed baby backpack. We still went out to dinner and took dc with us but we went at lunch time or pre theatre and we lucked out because we had children that would behave at the table.

There is far less spontaneity but it really depends on how much your child will behave and as much as you can influence them some won’t cooperate whatever you do. Myself and two of my sisters had children all around the same time. My own and one other sisters children behaved well the other sisters children were utterly obnoxious and just didn’t behave.

@stayingpositiveifpossible it gets to be a pain when neither parent attends to the child and ignore it. I had an acquaintance who declared having a baby was not going to change their lives - he was right, it didn't but it changed everyone else's- a baby lying wailing on a pool table, at parties etc. This was not in the UK. Everyone hated them turning up to events.

What's good for the baby will be good for the dog! Or should that be vice versa?! Whatever - you'll probably find your priorities change. Cinema? You'd rather just sit and look at your gorgeous baby sleeping!

When my dtws were born it was a few weeks before Christmas and I realised it was the first time I had absolutely no idea who was Christmas number one, and I had no interest in finding out.

Most things are 'possible' with a baby or toddler, it's just that they're sometimes not worth the greatly increased effort and often, cost.

i haven’t been to the cinema since DD1 was born six years ago, but I’ve had more love and fun and genuine joy from her than I ever got from the cinema so 🤷‍♀️

The spontaneity definitely ends, there’s some things you just can’t do with a baby. Although it’s actually easier with a small baby, we still went for meals out, it’s harder when they’re a bit older. If you have someone to baby-sit, there’s no reason why outings to the cinema etc need to end though. Although saying that, I stopped going because I couldn’t stay awake through a film anymore post kids!

My son is 19 now but I remember being around 8m pregnant and walking to an ante natal appointment in the morning just as hordes of teenage kids were walking to school, a swarm heading towards me and I had to weave and dodge them. I remember thinking "what the hell have I done?" 🤣

We ate out more in the first 4 weeks of DS life than we did when I was pregnant. It was lovely to know that someone was cooking you a hot meal.
The only thing I would say is sort the babies bag when you get home after a trip out then it's ready to grab and go when you're leaving the next time.

Grandmother now. Our 1st night out after DD was born was when DH was promoted. Local restaurant and a SIL babysitter.
We used to have a night in when he got paid. Chinese takeaway and video rental (remember them).
DD lives abroad so DGD used to eating out. They are currently in the UK and doing a tour of family/friends.