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Original poster

This has only just dawned on me..

233 replies

HowWillIKnow247 · 03/07/2022 08:22

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

OP posts:
sweetgingercat · 03/07/2022 11:15

My advice is to make the most of the first 6 months, you can take your baby anywhere practically, out to dinner (they’ll sleep in the pram by your table) to the cinema etc. After that they get a bit wriggly!

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 11:19

I think what you need to understand @HowWillIKnow247 is that however tired etc you feel now, you will not be your normal self like before but just with a baby. You will have a body which is recovering from pregnancy and all that that entails physically and mentally. I often think that Nature is a bitch - you get a baby when you are often at the lowest point of your life.

shiningstar2 · 03/07/2022 11:19

I am not big on planning. It's the spontaneity I missed most. I wasn't particularly social before DC. Quite content a lot of the time to stay in, but suddenly we couldn't if we wanted to on the spur of the moment. You can't be in the car and away in 5 minutes anymore. Didn't take long to adapt. Make things as easy as possible for yourselves. It's lovely in the early days to take yourself off somewhere for a nice lunch while baby sleeps or a summer walk along a seaside promenade with the pram. Don't do boring stuff you don't have to. Get food deliveries for instance. Be kind to yourselves and each other. Enjoy and come back and tell us what you have. 💐

StaunchMomma · 03/07/2022 11:23

You won't be as bothered once the baby comes, honestly. At least for a while. Babies keep you busy!!

You'll do other things with the baby instead and when the time arises that a film comes out that you both want to see or you fancy a meal or a night out then hopefully you'll have some support from family or friends who can babysit to make it happen.

Yes, life is about to change but it will be great and you can make it what you want to.

flutterbybabycakes · 03/07/2022 11:24

It's not true. I did choose to spend the first 18m of my baby's life dedicated to her, baby groups, being at home, but as soon as she got a bit older we employed family and friends to watch her. She had a very secure attachment by that time and was happy to go with the family and friends we loved. We can still do whatever we like. My daughter has been in restaurants since she was a baby, we would often go out with friends and have a lovey time. I could have a glass or two as well, and so she's always sat nicely in these settings enabling us to take her out with us lots.

It's what you make it. Life is what you make it and parenthood is what you make it.

Trixiefirecracker · 03/07/2022 11:27

flutterbybabycakes · 03/07/2022 11:24

It's not true. I did choose to spend the first 18m of my baby's life dedicated to her, baby groups, being at home, but as soon as she got a bit older we employed family and friends to watch her. She had a very secure attachment by that time and was happy to go with the family and friends we loved. We can still do whatever we like. My daughter has been in restaurants since she was a baby, we would often go out with friends and have a lovey time. I could have a glass or two as well, and so she's always sat nicely in these settings enabling us to take her out with us lots.

It's what you make it. Life is what you make it and parenthood is what you make it.

Totally dependant on what kind of baby you have though!

Gwenhwyfar · 03/07/2022 11:32

"I disagree and think it’s completely selfish taking a tiny baby to the cinema. At a recent screening a couple had a baby with them and it’s cried endlessly, absolutely ruining the enjoyment of the film altogether."

I think it's OK if one parent takes the child out of the room whenever it cries.

My experience with friends is that social lives are easier with babies than with toddlers and children because sleeping babies can be taken out in the pram for coffee with friends, etc. but toddlers can't sit down quietly for long...

user1497207191 · 03/07/2022 11:35

You find new things to do, more orientated around children, but which are just as enjoyable.

mintybobs · 03/07/2022 11:37

Gwenhwyfar · 03/07/2022 11:32

"I disagree and think it’s completely selfish taking a tiny baby to the cinema. At a recent screening a couple had a baby with them and it’s cried endlessly, absolutely ruining the enjoyment of the film altogether."

I think it's OK if one parent takes the child out of the room whenever it cries.

My experience with friends is that social lives are easier with babies than with toddlers and children because sleeping babies can be taken out in the pram for coffee with friends, etc. but toddlers can't sit down quietly for long...

whats the point of seeing a film if you have to leave the room every 10 minutes and what if the cinema is packed and you have to keep disturbing the other people in your row? its selfish AF to take a baby to an adult film, disturbing the enjoyment of everyone else. I have brought up two kids- I survived just fine not going to the cinema until they were old enough to control themselves, especially now when most films can be sourced online

Seriou · 03/07/2022 11:42

You can’t just decide to get drunk either.

Very frowned upon when in charge of a baby.

Nidan2Sandan · 03/07/2022 11:55

Social life becomes easy to adapt, it just takes some planning and a change of pace. You go out for family lunches rather than romantic dinners for example.

The hardest adjustment for me was the realisation I couldnt just go take a nap, or take myself of to bed early on a whim because I still had to keep a human alive who really wasnt a fan of their Mum sleeping.

Bornin1989 · 03/07/2022 11:57

I have two DDogs and a 9 month old. In many ways the dogs are more restrictive - newborns can come along to many places as their sleep schedules are pretty all over the place to begin with, plus they'd sleep through most things. Many cinemas do baby friendly viewings at certain times so it's not necessarily the end of going to the cinema together... Plus those tickets tend to be much cheaper 😁

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/07/2022 12:10

If you like the theatre start training them early, we did the childrens shows from about 2.5 years old things like Fireman Sam, Dora the Explorer and the Northern Ballets pre school shows. By 4 DD was able to happily sit through a full length musical and then our holiday was a city break in London during Kids Week to take advantage of the free childrens seats. DD is 12 now and loves the theatre and we go regularly.

Warning: pantomimes are not always great for small children, my DD HATED the booing and would scream the place down, best to get an aisle seat to be able to make a speedy exit if necessary.

Steakcutchipswithsteak · 03/07/2022 12:23

See it as a phase. I have a toddler and don't get out much. My 76 yo dad goes to concerts a few times a month, goes out for dinner, the cinema, city breaks abroad. I only see him during the week because he is basically partying every weekend! My friends with teenagers also go out to see stuff again. So I figure it's temporary and might as well enjoy the family cocoon while this phase lasts.

Theredjellybean · 03/07/2022 12:38

I am going to say - it is not the specific things like cinema trips exactly that got to me..it was just the loss of MY life..suddenly it really is all different, and while i admire all on here saying oh you adapt, oh you get pleasure out of other activities, i never did.
I hated and resented it.
I did take my dd1 out to cafes for brunch/lunch in the pram at dinner ...she cried constantly, someone had to hold her and walk up and down, while other person scoffed down food quickly, you could not go and sit with charming baby in buggy cooing away and enjoy a long lunch and bottle of wine...
you cannot decide to just stay in bed and drink coffee and read papers
you cannot stay late at work because something interesting is happening or join in after work drinks etc
and until they are teens this is really not much better..yes you can go out with a 7-8 yr old but frankly their attention span is limited and you still have to ensure they have a book or a screen or stickers or lego or whatever.
Now mine are young adults..it is an absolute joy ...cus they can do the stuff i like and i dont have to be beholden to being home at a certain time etc.
I wish someone had been honest with me and i had had the pregnancy to get used to the idea my life was effectively over as i knew it ....and do not get me started on holidays with children.

Theredjellybean · 03/07/2022 12:40

Plus your brain is suddenly completely filled with mum stuff...

Suddha · 03/07/2022 12:43

My life has changed completely. Those saying a baby is portable are very selfish. You don’t take a crying baby to the cinema unless it’s a special screening for babies and parents where noise is allowed. Equally you can’t take your baby to the theatre, the pub, a nice restaurant, or any of the other adult places you enjoy going. Going out becomes a major operation requiring spare clothes, wipes, toys and all sorts. Unless you’ve got family babysitters this is your life for the next decade or more.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 03/07/2022 12:46

We still do a lot of spontaneous stuff at weekends.... Its just we spontaneously go to soft play or a farm park rather than festivals or beer gardens!

glittereyelash · 03/07/2022 12:48

It's a huge adjustment and for the first year or so it feels like you will never find your feet but it does get easier little by little. My son is in creche so on days we are not working we go for lunch or to the cinema. Spontaneity is tough but if you have family support it can make life a bit easier.

mummymeister · 03/07/2022 12:49

And I have just been having the polar opposite conversation with my DH! How we will never sit in the park again whilst the kids while away the hours on the swings. we wont have family games on the beach with dad being buried. we wont have the slow toddles or the watching childrens shows. because this is life isnt it. it changes. I wont ever be a carefree school girl again or stand around in bars chatting people up. Nothing stays the same. life moves and changes and sometimes small changes and sometimes big changes. what I wouldnt do to go back 30 years with my little ones again. but I cant so I enjoy the life I have and make the most of it.

WhatsHoppening · 03/07/2022 12:50

Your life does change completely OP and it’s ok to miss it and grieve for it a bit! My DC are 5 and 2 and things are easier and DH do more socialising and hobbies again but usually separately. We are lucky as my lovely parents have the kids the odd week and we literally go out every night for a drink/dinner/cinema/stroll around our city in the evening. I hope that freedoms eases the sadness when they fly the nest!
But I adore my kids, I actually enjoy soft play and kids museums and farms and have made so many lovely local friends and connections especially since the eldest started school. I really feel involved in the community and it’s just a different phase of life. Your newborn is quite portable if they are fairy chilled- we were in london when we had DC1 and she went to the pub as a newborn…a lot! Summer baby born in a heatwave!

mam0918 · 03/07/2022 13:12

How often do you go to the cinema?

We have took our kids from age 3 to the cinema (there are also child screening but we dont choose to go to them), occasionally have a family member babysit for a date night (much harder now with 3 kids but when it was just 1 it was pretty easy).

We regularly go to pubs with the kids, have a nice meal... in fact recently DH finishes work and with it being sunny and nice its just 'should we go to the beer garden?' kids run around and play and we order food.

Life goes on with a baby, most families have older kids and baby tags along to theme parks, swimming, museums we even took our on hikes and caving (child safe well mapped open tourist caves not like cave diving lol) etc...

The only thing that really stops is getting rat arse pissed and nightclubbing (and while personally I think its not great parenting I know some mothers who didnt even give that up and go out weekly partying).

Theredjellybean · 03/07/2022 13:17

"The only thing that really stops is getting rat arse pissed and nightclubbing (and while personally I think its not great parenting I know some mothers who didnt even give that up and go out weekly partying)."

and there it is in a nutshell.....if god forbid you dont want to give up a part of your adult pre child life, you are subtly judged by the saintly parents who claim to love farm parks and soft play.

this stops the honest conversation we should have about the reality of parent hood.

mam0918 · 03/07/2022 13:17

Suddha · 03/07/2022 12:43

My life has changed completely. Those saying a baby is portable are very selfish. You don’t take a crying baby to the cinema unless it’s a special screening for babies and parents where noise is allowed. Equally you can’t take your baby to the theatre, the pub, a nice restaurant, or any of the other adult places you enjoy going. Going out becomes a major operation requiring spare clothes, wipes, toys and all sorts. Unless you’ve got family babysitters this is your life for the next decade or more.

Take my kids to pubs and resterauunts all the time... they have never sat and cried.

Way to Martyr yourself.

Theredjellybean · 03/07/2022 13:20

@mam0918 ..way to go with your subtle criticizing of other parents

my dd1 was a very difficult baby with reflux and feeding issues due to prematurity ...she cried a lot...infact most of the time unless someone was standing up holding her .
you must be blessed with angelically perfect children - well done you,