Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist on a new kitchen and insist he pays for it?

320 replies

alittlecroquetta · 02/07/2022 20:24

Hi all.

Reasons why we need a new kitchen:

  • we moved here nearly 9 years ago and first thing we said was new kitchen.
  • it's over 20yrs old and starting to look really worn. 3 doors almost hanging off. Holes in the lino. Dishwasher packed up 3 weeks ago.
  • can't get new dishwasher as it's 20+ years old, discontinued and built-in. DP not taking his turn doing the dishes like he said he would. I've done the dishes 19 days to his 2 days. I hate doing dishes. I think now is the time to finally invest in this new kitchen we've spoken about for years.

Why I think he should pay:

  • we had a joint savings account since we moved in together. 3/4 of that was money I saved from my salary (I'm the higher earner) and 1/4 was a remortgage.
  • I pay the mortgage and every other bill apart from council tax which he pays.
  • we hit a rough patch at the start of the pandemic and nearly split up. I took MN advice and took half the money from the savings account. We've since got back together but we haven't put the money back into the savings account.
  • my half has dwindled significantly due to the rising cost of living. Prices of everything going up. I had to buy a new car because we were using his car but when we split obviously he took it and I needed a car for work. I've had to dip into the savings to cover the bills. I've told him numerous times that I was into my overdraft and I need us to split the bills proportionately to our wages. It has fell on deaf ears.

When I raised the new kitchen again today he said we are not in a financial position to get a new kitchen because I can't contribute to half of the cost. I said my "half" has been swallowed up by bills and just because the remainder of the savings are in his account it doesn't make them "his because I provided most/all of it. He said I was the one who chose to split the money when we almost split.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2022 20:26

Replacing the kitchen is the least of your troubles.

Replace your partner. He's shit.

Guiltypleasures001 · 02/07/2022 20:27

No your not
But you are unreasonable to have taken this Pratt back in to your life op
Get rid he's a loser

ItsSnowJokes · 02/07/2022 20:27

Why is he not paying more in bills? He sounds like a right cocklodger.

stuntbubbles · 02/07/2022 20:28

Get a new partner instead.

jimmyjammy001 · 02/07/2022 20:29

I'm guessing your not married and that you both jointly own the property, in which case you should both be contributing the same amount each into a joint account where all bills and house renovations come out of otherwise you end up in a position you are currently in arguing over who should pay for what as someone else has paid for x, y and z but the other person hasn't. Think you just need to start again as you both will never agree on who should buy what, or who has contributed the most etc

Ukholidaysaregreat · 02/07/2022 20:30

Get rid of the cock lodger. Buy your own kitchen.

EatYourVegetables · 02/07/2022 20:30

Agree kitchen is the least of your problems

WineIsMyMainVice · 02/07/2022 20:30

It sounds to me like your whole financial set up is quite unclear/disorganised. I am concerned for you that if you do ever split it will end up very messy.
put the kitchen to one side for a minute - I think you should probably spend some time documenting what you’re spending vs what he is. Mainly to protect yourself - especially if you’re not married.
Good luck op.

ouch321 · 02/07/2022 20:31

I'm not commenting on the money aspect but you certainly can replace integrated appliances. Just look at the Built In / Integrated section on Currys etc rather than the Freestanding section.

snowdropsandcrocuses · 02/07/2022 20:33

Also agree you don't need a new kitchen you need a new partner.

VodselForDinner · 02/07/2022 20:39

If the house is solely in your name, YABU to expect him to contribute.

If the house is in shared ownership, you have bigger issues.

Clymene · 02/07/2022 20:41

Your relationship is the problem, not the kitchen

SD1978 · 02/07/2022 20:42

But it's not going to happen. You've cleaned out half the savings account, so is it accepted that the half that's left is his, yours, or 50/50? You've allowed him to live there free, and paid all the bills- clearly he's happy with this and you've allowed it- why would he pay anything now given he never has?

NoHeavenNoMore · 02/07/2022 20:44

It's time for him to leave!!

Wombat27A · 02/07/2022 20:44

Just take out the dishwasher, put a new one in, either freestanding or with door. Easy job. Not a chance I'd be disheashing...

Shedcity · 02/07/2022 20:45

Nah you should leave him again
why on earth you’re thinking about a kitchen when you’re in your overdraft paying the bills for a grown man is beyond me

LoudingVoice · 02/07/2022 20:46

Why in earth doesn’t he contribute towards bills? Is it your house? Are you married?

Sod the kitchen, get rid of the whole relationship and start again.

Octomore · 02/07/2022 20:47

I agree with PPs - you have much bigger issues to address here than the kitchen. For a start, why the fuck are you with a man who won't pay his way?

Thepossibility · 02/07/2022 20:49

Your partner sounds like he's very close to being a cocklodger, apart from paying council tax.

Thehop · 02/07/2022 20:50

Jesus get rid of this tosser and then choose a lovely kitchen on your own.

GettingItOutThere · 02/07/2022 20:54

echo the others - ditch the partner!! replace him first then you can replace the kitchen!

Patapouf · 02/07/2022 21:00

Dump him.

Get an IKEA kitchen on 0% finance?

BritWifeInUSA · 02/07/2022 21:06

How is this a partnership?

We see this time and time again. I pay this, he pays that, my money, his money and it never ends well. Particularly when it comes to large expenses for something that you both need and use (in this case, a kitchen). My husband doesn’t have an income at all (our choice) but I would never approach buying something as “my money” or “I bought this” or “my carpet/cutlery/freezer”. We are a couple. He contributes to the partnership in non-financial ways. He does all the housework so that I can focus on my career. I really don’t understand all this penny counting from people who share everything else in life.

You sound like two flat mates who sleep together rather than a couple.

Original poster
alittlecroquetta · 02/07/2022 21:11

We're not married and the house is in both names.

The split for the bills felt proportion when we first moved in together but with everything rising, having to get car finance etc. I need him to contribute more. Which I've asked for but it's never happened.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 02/07/2022 21:21

The whole financial situation seems completely fucked up, but your OP is right that you can't currently afford a new kitchen, and it's not a necessity. If you're struggling to pay bills month on month without dipping into savings, then you don't go splurging on new kitchens.

Sounds like there needs to be a re think of how bills are paid anyway. Something fairer, where you both end up with equal spending money.