To insist on a new kitchen and insist he pays for it?

[alittlecroquetta]

Hi all.

Reasons why we need a new kitchen:

• we moved here nearly 9 years ago and first thing we said was new kitchen.
• it's over 20yrs old and starting to look really worn. 3 doors almost hanging off. Holes in the lino. Dishwasher packed up 3 weeks ago.
• can't get new dishwasher as it's 20+ years old, discontinued and built-in. DP not taking his turn doing the dishes like he said he would. I've done the dishes 19 days to his 2 days. I hate doing dishes. I think now is the time to finally invest in this new kitchen we've spoken about for years.

Why I think he should pay:

• we had a joint savings account since we moved in together. 3/4 of that was money I saved from my salary (I'm the higher earner) and 1/4 was a remortgage.
• I pay the mortgage and every other bill apart from council tax which he pays.
• we hit a rough patch at the start of the pandemic and nearly split up. I took MN advice and took half the money from the savings account. We've since got back together but we haven't put the money back into the savings account.
• my half has dwindled significantly due to the rising cost of living. Prices of everything going up. I had to buy a new car because we were using his car but when we split obviously he took it and I needed a car for work. I've had to dip into the savings to cover the bills. I've told him numerous times that I was into my overdraft and I need us to split the bills proportionately to our wages. It has fell on deaf ears.

When I raised the new kitchen again today he said we are not in a financial position to get a new kitchen because I can't contribute to half of the cost. I said my "half" has been swallowed up by bills and just because the remainder of the savings are in his account it doesn't make them "his because I provided most/all of it. He said I was the one who chose to split the money when we almost split.

AIBU?

READ THE UPDATE BEFORE POSTING!!

Fantastic news OP, well done.

Ahh the most satisfying zombie thread I've clicked on

Bravo!👏👏👏👏👏
I was married for 30+ years, to someone who sounded quite similar, in particular in making any improvements to a dated and steadily growing shabbier house. His default answer to any suggestion of mine was ‘no’.
After divorcing him 5 years ago, I found he had been focussed on a side chick for years, hence his interests being elsewhere, rather than invested in OUR relationship/home.
Bought my own place (in a much cheaper area of the UK), and have made it lovely - so nice not having a penny pinching contrarian in the house blocking everything 😄

@alittlecroquetta Well done OP!!! You deserve more!

Yay. Pleased to hear it.

The reason he won't is that he's very comfortable living off you.

Oops, posted too soon. Delighted you've resolved this, OP.

Well done - good for you!!

What a lovely update.

Ditch the partner, get a new place with nicer kitchen.

Job done.

Excellent move !! How are you ?

Why are you paying this man to live with you OP?

Apologies, that came out more harshly than was intended.
But it is utterly shocking that you are paying for everything bar council tax, are now dipping into YOUR savings to subsidise him, & he is STILL being totally churlish about money.

If you bought him out, you'd get a 25% council tax reduction.
I bet you pay for his food & entertainment costs too ... wonder how much you'd be able to start saving again, if you chose to stop paying this man's living costs?

Why are you paying this man to live with you OP?

She's not. Read the thread.

Such a happy update, hope you are having a much better time of it!

The first reply says it all really

Op leave him or kick him out. He sounds mean selfish and lazy. Does he have any good points.

Good for you!

separate finances, lot's of people do it. There is no reason for you to have a joint savings account.

Then kick his sorry arse to the kerb, doesn't sound like a supportive constructive relationship at all.

Yeah! good for you OP. Onwards and upwards.

This.

What's the reasoning for him not paying bills, is he providing childcare? I think if you switched the sexes around here people would give you very different answers. You are the main earner so contribute more you split up and gave him half your savings (for whatever reason) but then got back together, but you continue to pay for most things. If this was a sahm everyone would be saying the main earner should pay more and the savings should be shared. As it's a man he's a cocklodger... Suppose it depends on the reason for him not contributing. I think the kitchen is the least of your worries though, doesn't sound like you want to be in a relationship with this man. Get rid of him and get a new kitchen?

Congratulations OP! Thanks for updating.

Great update OP, well done on ditching him.

Lesson learned too, always ringfence your deposit and own the house in that ratio so you benefit more from any increase in equity. You can always change it in future if things change, but never ever do 50/50.

I remember this thread! Thank goodness you've seen sense. Well shot, OP!

I'd get an account with both your names on. Transfer an amount from yours and his, into this shared account. Then he can see all the bills coming out. I'd leave the kitchen, because right now it's not important as paying bills.