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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Encouragement” from older men when I’m out running!

178 replies

Dubbin · 02/07/2022 19:28

Out for a run in a local park today when I pass an elderly chap who shouts out “ooh well done!” . Now I know this isn’t the worst thing a random man can say to a lone female runner, BUT..... I have been a long distance runner for over 20 years, am now in my late 50’s, and run with confidence and ease. I don’t need encouragement; I’m not struggling! I’ve lost count of the number of (always older) men who feel they need to “encourage” me, and thereby distract me when I’m training. I always wear earphones but I can still hear them when they call out! I normally ignore them but today I stopped and asked the random man whether he “encourages” male runners too! He seemed taken aback and somewhat offended, but this (always male) behaviour has started to get on my nerves. The fact is they never do it to men. It’s always non-running men too; I’ve never had any problems with other runners who are male. What do the rest of you think? Am I over sensitive? Have any other runners experienced this and have you any advice?

OP posts:
ChagSameachDoreen · 02/07/2022 19:29

It's just camaraderie. Social interaction.

itsMYdigestivsystem · 02/07/2022 19:31

What do they say exactly?

SnowyLamb · 02/07/2022 19:34

He doesn't know it's easy for you. He's impressed and being friendly.

This is why no one speaks to anyone anymore. You can't possibly get it right.

Original poster
Dubbin · 02/07/2022 19:35

They just say “well done!”, although one chap did stand there clapping like a performing seal!!! They wouldn’t do this to male runners.

OP posts:
WishILivedInThrushGreen · 02/07/2022 19:35

Quite @SnowyLamb

SnowyLamb · 02/07/2022 19:35

I'd laugh and say thank you.

MsTSwift · 02/07/2022 19:36

I quite often get encouragement from similar aged women when I’m out cycling I like it think it’s sweet.

rosesinmygarden · 02/07/2022 19:37

He's "taken aback and offended" because he didn't like being challenged and is embarrassedabout his behaviour.

He could easily have laughed and said, "oh yes, of course!". But he didn't and that speaks volumes. His default was to make you feel bad...

CapMarvel · 02/07/2022 19:38

Camaraderie my arse.

Unfortunately this happens way too often. At best it's patronising at worst it's offensive, scary and bordering on abusive.

sleepymum50 · 02/07/2022 19:39

It would piss me off too. But practically anything older men do these days pisses me off.

But I agree, they don’t do it to male runners, so it’s patronising.

SummertimeTremdendous · 02/07/2022 19:39

I just tell them to feck off. I don't go out running to socially interact or thank men for pestering me.

I imagine if they did this to other men, the risks of having something worse done to them than being told to feck off are quite high.

SnowyLamb · 02/07/2022 19:39

If you're thinking he's somehow being discriminatory, you're just as bad. What made you stop to challenge this "elderly" man when you haven't tackled all the others?

SaltySalad · 02/07/2022 19:41

Love that you called him on it 😂

My sister is an artist who sometimes works in public spaces. She gets random men “encouraging” her haha, she has been exhibiting for 20 years, won multiple awards and sells every work.

SnowyLamb · 02/07/2022 19:43

SummertimeTremdendous · 02/07/2022 19:39

I just tell them to feck off. I don't go out running to socially interact or thank men for pestering me.

I imagine if they did this to other men, the risks of having something worse done to them than being told to feck off are quite high.

I run with men all the time and they do get "encouraged". Young women are far worse than anything I've heard from men directed at me TBH, but I appreciate men aren't allowed to mind or feel uncomfortable.

EmmaH2022 · 02/07/2022 19:44

I love that you called him out!

you are not over sensitive. I no longer run but when I did, I thought that was what men say when they no longer say something more harassing. Absolute wankers. So glad you shut him up.

TooManyPJs · 02/07/2022 19:45

He could be a very lonely older man who is out looking to make connections with others. And now maybe you've made him feel as if he's just going to get it wrong when he reaches out so stops doing it. Many older people don't see another person for days and are extremely lonely. They also are likely to be a bit behind the times on what is now considered appropriate but tbh I think I would rather they get it slightly wrong than sit at home being lonely.

Maybe he isn't cheering male runners but he isn't making comments about how you look or denigrating you so tbh I think you should just take it in the manner in which it was intended and consider the wider picture.

There are better hills you could die on.

HairyKitty · 02/07/2022 19:45

I’ve had this quite a bit and there are two ways to look at it.

  1. They are sexist idiots
  2. They realise the world is tilted against women and are happy to support or encourage a slightly unusual achievement of women running
HairyKitty · 02/07/2022 19:46

Also I can easily tell if someone is trying to be smart or giving backhanded compliment etc and if someone is genuinely cheering me on with joy.

Original poster
Dubbin · 02/07/2022 19:46

The others have all been older men too! I stopped to speak to this one because I have become fed up of it happening!

OP posts:
dolphinsarentcommon · 02/07/2022 19:48

TooManyPJs · 02/07/2022 19:45

He could be a very lonely older man who is out looking to make connections with others. And now maybe you've made him feel as if he's just going to get it wrong when he reaches out so stops doing it. Many older people don't see another person for days and are extremely lonely. They also are likely to be a bit behind the times on what is now considered appropriate but tbh I think I would rather they get it slightly wrong than sit at home being lonely.

Maybe he isn't cheering male runners but he isn't making comments about how you look or denigrating you so tbh I think you should just take it in the manner in which it was intended and consider the wider picture.

There are better hills you could die on.

Absolutely this.

Some people just have to make an issue out of everything.

carefullycourageous · 02/07/2022 19:49

I would find that irritating, because you are clearly busy and he should just think it in his head. His comment is pointless as you can only respond if you interrupt what you are doing.

I'm quite chatty when the circumstances allow, but running is not one of those times.

I do think some of it is sexist bollocks, but I would just ignore rather than challenge. Although if anyone ever tells me to cheer up or smile I tell them to fuck off.

SummertimeTremdendous · 02/07/2022 19:50

TooManyPJs He could be a very lonely older man who is out looking to make connections with others. And now maybe you've made him feel as if he's just going to get it wrong when he reaches out so stops doing it.

Are you for real? Seriously, when you go out for a run, you don't go out to socialise with random men. Different entirely from a social situation. He needs to stop harassing women in the street.

Personally, I'm very aware of my personal safety and don't have time to organise a lonely hearts club while I'm doing it. They do it because they think they have the right to comment on women and it was probably not allowed when they were younger. Its not "encouraging" - clearly, someone already out running doesn't need "encouragement" to be out running...

OTOH no-one is stopping you if you have a particular liking for interactions with older men, then there is nothing to stop you getting more involved with them. But don't assume that random strangers are happy to do so.

xsquared · 02/07/2022 19:55

There is an elderly man who does this at Parkrun, "Come on, Flower, you can do it!". He also does this to men though "Come on, Sir, you can do it!" and clapping as he cheers others on. Nobody seems to mind.

Would that be unacceptable to you as well?

LordEmsworth · 02/07/2022 19:58

Yes OP, remember you should always be kind to the men who are harassing you! They might be lonely and well intentioned, and you must make them feel better about themselves even if you feel harassed or intimidated - that is correct female behaviour!

CapMarvel · 02/07/2022 19:59

xsquared · 02/07/2022 19:55

There is an elderly man who does this at Parkrun, "Come on, Flower, you can do it!". He also does this to men though "Come on, Sir, you can do it!" and clapping as he cheers others on. Nobody seems to mind.

Would that be unacceptable to you as well?

Cheering people on at parkrun or other organised events is so obviously not the same thing as doing it randomly on the street.