“Encouragement” from older men when I’m out running!

[Dubbin]

Out for a run in a local park today when I pass an elderly chap who shouts out “ooh well done!” . Now I know this isn’t the worst thing a random man can say to a lone female runner, BUT..... I have been a long distance runner for over 20 years, am now in my late 50’s, and run with confidence and ease. I don’t need encouragement; I’m not struggling! I’ve lost count of the number of (always older) men who feel they need to “encourage” me, and thereby distract me when I’m training. I always wear earphones but I can still hear them when they call out! I normally ignore them but today I stopped and asked the random man whether he “encourages” male runners too! He seemed taken aback and somewhat offended, but this (always male) behaviour has started to get on my nerves. The fact is they never do it to men. It’s always non-running men too; I’ve never had any problems with other runners who are male. What do the rest of you think? Am I over sensitive? Have any other runners experienced this and have you any advice?

The man wasn't requiring an "interaction" . He said something nice. He probably wasn't expecting any kind of response.

I know where you are coming from and for the record, I always talk to elderly people in shops, in queues etc. I work with elderly people so understand the problems they face. But when I run I want to just run!

i don’t think any harm is meant but it makes me uncomfortable too OP.

So just run. There was no need for you to do anything else, it was you who made it into something bigger.

Its more appropriate to do this at a public, organised event, with lots of people around, rather than picking out an individual woman and shouting at her. I'd probably ignore him as well unless I knew him personally, because I'm not that easily distracted.

I do park run, as well as more serious races, and I don't really see them as social interactions at all. Maybe after the race but I've had random strangers (always men) come up to me and beyond a few niceities, I'm not really interested in that either. As a general rule, its best not to interrupt people while they're doing a sport or just afterwards. Some people of course take it less seriously and thats up to them.

I'm with you @Dubbin .

They never bloody do it to men. I'm an overweight runner so it is 10 times worse. I had a twitter thread about it a while ago and got a similar mix of replies.

Why are other women always so keen to excuse male bad behaviour?

’Yes OP, remember you should always be kind to the men who are harassing you! They might be lonely and well intentioned, and you must make them feel better about themselves even if you feel harassed or intimidated - that is correct female behaviour!’

so much this ^

We were not there, so I can only go by my own experiences of being "encouraged" by people who I pass when I run.

I have had both encouraging and abusive comments when I've been running, from both sexes and can usually tell when the encouraging ones are genuine rather than an attempt to make me feel uncomfortable.

They wouldn't say it to men though would they.
I'll always chat back when out running, as it's sociable. But still- very patronising to be told "well done" etc.

I think this is quite a different situation. When people are running in an event together it’s quite the done thing to encourage one another, regardless of gender. I’ve done it myself in marathons etc.

Gullible/desperate for affirmation.

We are not emotional support animals for lonely ageing men. Perhaps if they weren’t so patronising they‘d have more company.

I’m with you, OP. It’s annoying and intrusive and they DON‘T do it to other blokes.

Anything any man does pisses me off !

Yep I find it irritating too and always think 'I bet you wouldn't say that to a man'. I accept that it's meant kindly. So it's unconscious sexism, but still...

And yes, doing it at Parkrun is completely different. It's an event, where there are often people supporting and cheering on their family members and where marshalls give encouragement to runners too. Not at all the same as commenting a lone stranger while they're running along minding their own business.

Spot on. People need to stop excusing things like this.

Fair enough.

If you're wanting advice on what to do if it happens again, if I were in your running shoes, I would have just ignored and kept running. It certainly wouldn't have pissed me off enough to challenge him.

Totally get why you'd find this annoying. It's intrusive and unwanted, as well as patronising.

A lot of posters on here telling you that you should put up with it, be kind etc. I think you'd probably have had a more understanding response on the FWR boards.

Well done for confronting him!!

It is patronising. I am v experienced hillwalker. The number of men keen to tell me ‘not too far now’ (I know the hill, I’m not struggling) give navigation advice (again, I know the hill I’m not struggling) or generally assume I need their pearls wisdom. These are the same men that always make a point of striding ahead of any female companion on the hill. I believe the general term for them is wankers.

I'm with you, OP. It is unwanted and totally different from at an event.

I am a slow runner and I don't mind a bit of genuine encouragement, say when someone kindly gets out of my path and I mouth thanks and get a thumbs up in return, or I lock eyes with a woman my age and we exchange cheery grimaces or smiles. That happens when you are not running too - casual everyday interactions with strangers. But not being shouted at without any participation on my part because I am running, by men who for some reason find that weird or threatening or exciting.

It happened to me the other day - a bloke laughing at me and making rude gestures. He then dropped back, then suddenly raced forward. It turned out it was for a bus, but I was properly scared as I heard him coming up behind me.

I used to get the "well dones", the cat calling, the gorillas hanging out of vans kerb crawling along with me, the fat wheezy bastards trying to run with me, the ones who block my path to get me to stop (I flatten them). I have had every part of my body commented upon , I have been told to "keep going love " (I had no fucking intention of stopping actually).

No .....he wouldnt be saying it to men.

My husband had no idea how bad it is until he was measuring a route distance on a bike, far enough behind for me to seem to be on my own. He was gob smacked.

I mostly stick to a treadmill in my garage, I just cant be arsed with it any more.

@Dubbin If you're in the north west of England, it could possibly have been my fucking father. .

Apologies - he's insufferable. Living with him was no treat either.

This.

Lonely, older man looking to make connections, FFS. OP was running, that is not the time to try to strike up conversation. Women do not need to justify why they want to be left alone when going about their business. Why the hell should we tolerate random men intruding upon our thoughts just because they appear to be trying to be nice.

It's not nice its entitled, attention seeking bullshit. Some men just can't bear the possibility that a woman wouldn't notice them. Somehow I manage not to shout "encouragement" to runners whether they are male or female I just try to get out of the way so I don't slow them down.

So, in your theory, why wouldn't he try to make those connections with men as well?