“Encouragement” from older men when I’m out running!

[Dubbin]

Out for a run in a local park today when I pass an elderly chap who shouts out “ooh well done!” . Now I know this isn’t the worst thing a random man can say to a lone female runner, BUT..... I have been a long distance runner for over 20 years, am now in my late 50’s, and run with confidence and ease. I don’t need encouragement; I’m not struggling! I’ve lost count of the number of (always older) men who feel they need to “encourage” me, and thereby distract me when I’m training. I always wear earphones but I can still hear them when they call out! I normally ignore them but today I stopped and asked the random man whether he “encourages” male runners too! He seemed taken aback and somewhat offended, but this (always male) behaviour has started to get on my nerves. The fact is they never do it to men. It’s always non-running men too; I’ve never had any problems with other runners who are male. What do the rest of you think? Am I over sensitive? Have any other runners experienced this and have you any advice?

You forgot the #bekind at the end!

C'mon OP you're a woman it's your job to make lonely old men feel better 🙄

I hope you're smiling too! It might never happen!

How do you know they don't? How can you know, if you run as a single woman, what happens to men when they're out running?

Oh come on... It's the same as how men don't tell other men to smile or cheer up. I'm not saying no man would ever make any kind of remark to a male runner, but I bet it's much much rarer, and different kinds of comment. I doubt most of them consider why they do it. My dad has this tendency a bit. He doesn't mean anything by it and was a bit taken aback when I asked him if he did this to men. But he doesn't, of course. It's almost a form of subconscious flirtation, I think. Not in a sexual way at all, but in an 'enjoying a benign bit of interaction with / attention from a woman' way.

Yes I’ve had the silly clapping thing too (always men)! So true that when you’re running, you need to run; it’s not the time to engage in social interaction! (Apart from a quick “thank you” for someone moving aside etc)

Well done to for calling him out. He may have just been ' being friendly', but the fact is, he wouldn't do that to male runners. Why is he attracting your attention?

😂😂

Personally l either smile or say Morning to everyone l meet.... be it male, female, old young, .... some return the gesture and other's ignore me... and both genders have given me encouragement.

I don't read into it ...because there is nothing to read into!!

So bloody what if an older man feels that l look approachable to speak too.... I'd rather that then the opposite

Yes 100%!!!!!!!! It winds me up a lot, I find it so condescending!! It’s like they think I’m a 5 year old girl running in a school sports day race or something! I think they would be shocked if they actually realised how regularly and far I run.

I try to rise above it and ignore, but you are very right I don’t think they say the same to male runners. For most (going by the type of men that say stuff), I can understand it a bit or at least where it’s coming from, in that women really didn’t use to run so much as now and not the women in a lot of these mens lives (wife, sisters, friends wives and possibly also not their daughters etc) when same age, so is a novelty to them and they do actually mean in a good way what they are saying but are totally clueless of how naive and out of touch that is now

He didn't stop me, he was running too. He may have been trying to show off his authoritative knowledge of running biomechanics to his female running companion. I'm sure being told he was a rude git and should mind his own fucking business wasn't in his script.

Same happens to me when I go out for a run. We live in a small village and it’s always the older men. Some of them even stop and watch. I hate it too. Patronising and just hideous. Just feck off. I wish I had your guts to tell them off.

I think it’s fairly unusual for runners to say good morning to people they come across, at least where I live@iRun2eatCake . It would take too long when you just want to get on with your run! Here, it’s more commonplace to say a quick “thanks” or nod your head in acknowledgement, if someone lets you pass. Often fellow runners will nod or raise a hand as a “hello”

OH ( a veteran racewalker) does it to everyone, male and female. He likes to be encouraging. I guess I'd better tell him to stop.🙄

In my experience, "thanks mate"

Interesting point @Hophop26 Was talking about it to my DH, and he made the same observation as you, that these men still see female runners as a bit of a novelty, as women in their families perhaps don’t run🙄

Yeah it’s annoying, happens on the river path I run on too. I run with my buggy sometimes and last week a group of these men were standing taking up the entire path as I approached with my buggy. They all stopped and started the comments back and forwards about the fact i was running with my buggy. By this point I was literally almost touching them trying to get through but they were more interested in doing all this laughing and carrying on 🙄 Once again a lone female out in the middle of nowhere 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’ve never had the same comments from women or groups or women. I don’t think I’ve ever had more than a ‘hi’ or ‘nice day’ from women in fact and as you say I’ve never had any comments from other runners minus a creepy old guy at the start of parkrun who TOUCHED me on the shoulder basically with his arm round me to say he hoped my pram didn’t have a motor. Then appeared behind me saying the same thing mid-run. Go away.

I'm very slow..... l could have a full conversation in the time it takes me to run past....

@notnownorma well everyone has different experiences in this regard! None of my male running friends has ever had a random bloke saying “well done” to them when training. Only during running events, and that’s quite a different scenario.

Oh, that type have always good some excuse to give "advice". One tried to give me advice on how I was landing during a 10 mile road race. I finished 3rd woman and gradually pulled away from him in the last 2 miles. It was a few years ago now, and unfortunately my memory of that race is marred by that of a really persistent man trying to talk to me as I was running my hardest. Basically, he didn't like forefoot strikers...

The typical "advice" generally concerns the warm up, or how fast or slow you should start. Or they will try and regale you about how they were trying to catch you for the last mile of the race or whatever. I'm often racing for a place and I'm just not interested in hearing it.

These men never give advice to other men. I'm nearly always faster than them too, so I often wonder why they don't take their own advice.

My Dad is 78 and loves to see anyone doing well, particularly exercising as he no longer can do the things he loves. He cheers on both men and women but always says he feels women need more support and encouragement as it's so sadly lacking in society (his words) so he may well be the old chap saying well done but it's done with a good heart nothing else.

Good on you for challenging him. It’s very rare I manage to get through a run without these ‘helpful’ men commenting. If I run with a female friend it still happens but if there’s a man in our running group, we never get a comment. 🙄

I just don’t get why they feel the need to interrupt someone when they’re exercising! There’s no way as an older woman would I shout out a comment to someone running; I wouldn’t want to alarm them or put them off their stride!

I think you're overreacting a bit, its just a friendly comment.

😣🙄

@SummertimeTremdendous it takes me a second to say thank you while smiling. I'm not particularly fast though, maybe as I'm slower I appreciate the little boost more and don't read anything into it. Women do it too.

Just checked with DH. Perfectly normal for him to have comments from fellow runners, older people, younger people, cheeky comments from kids.

He just shrugs it off without bothering about their motives. I think this is probably the wisest move.

Can't you just smile and run on.One day you'll be an old woman ,sitting on a bench wondering if you will get to speak to anyone that day.