“Encouragement” from older men when I’m out running!

[Dubbin]

Out for a run in a local park today when I pass an elderly chap who shouts out “ooh well done!” . Now I know this isn’t the worst thing a random man can say to a lone female runner, BUT..... I have been a long distance runner for over 20 years, am now in my late 50’s, and run with confidence and ease. I don’t need encouragement; I’m not struggling! I’ve lost count of the number of (always older) men who feel they need to “encourage” me, and thereby distract me when I’m training. I always wear earphones but I can still hear them when they call out! I normally ignore them but today I stopped and asked the random man whether he “encourages” male runners too! He seemed taken aback and somewhat offended, but this (always male) behaviour has started to get on my nerves. The fact is they never do it to men. It’s always non-running men too; I’ve never had any problems with other runners who are male. What do the rest of you think? Am I over sensitive? Have any other runners experienced this and have you any advice?

I've been running all my adult life, over 30 years. I have lost count of the comments I have had from men out running. I can't actually recall any comments from women but I suppose there must have been some. I just ignore but occasionally if I can be arsed I'll say - do you say that to men'

Fuck them - I'm not here for their entertainment and I'm not obliged to respond..

My own personal experience is that people, both sexes make frequent friendly encouraging noises and comments to me and my (male) partner as we ride trails, especially uphill sections. Sometimes we can say something back, sometimes you can nod or wink back, sometimes you're in the grind and you can't say anything

Interacting with others is a completely normal part of being outside for many people. I'd say pretending it makes a massive difference to your times and training is a weirder position to take

I run on e or twice a week, where I pass many walkers and other runners and have done so for 15 years. I'm in my 50s I have never once had a man making any comments. As a matter of fact I Fing runners quite u friendly co oared to cyclists who always say hello.

I used to run at lunchtimes but I stopped after realising that 3 runs in a row, I had had men calling out to me - both young men jeering at me, but also older men who ignored men who were running nearby but called out to me with "positive" words. One of them was walking with a woman, presumably his wife - even she looked taken aback.

So I stopped running in the middle of the day. I now run either early or late to try to avoid other people, because I feel very uncomfortable having strange men trying to engage with me.

But hey, these men have needs and it's wrong of me to focus on my needs not theirs... they don't mean any harm, they should be allowed to make me feel uncomfortable and harassed if it makes them feel better about themselves!

This is precisely my point @LordEmsworth All those saying the elderly random men are just “being friendly” and female runners are drama queens etc for not interacting in a friendly manner, it has been my experience to date that they only call out to women runners. It might be other runners on here have seen them calling out to both sexes, but I never have. Not in a non-race/event situation. Of course, some of you may be of the school of thought that women should respond positively to men calling out at them. I’m happy to be cheered on if I’m at an event, but not when I’m running on my own in the park. 😯

Totally agree. I’m a female road cyclist I like the interaction.

A comment as per the OPs post wouldn’t bother me. Its just being friendly. I speak to other mums, women about their children. I will comment in a restaurant as to how good someone’s child has been etc etc.

its very different to white van comments, sexist comments etc whilst running. Those comments I don’t engage with.

Thank you all for your comments. The majority of posters can see where I’m coming from. Probably best to ignore calling out in future and keep on running. Could always knee ‘em in the nuts on my return lap (only kidding!🤣)

You stopped to remonstrate with an 'elderly man' because he said well done. Well done. 🙄

I've never received encouragement comments from older men, or anyone in fact.

I run in a pair or in a group. The most common 'interaction' is men (no idea what age) beeping the car horn, or by whistling or shouting something. It happens more in a pair than running in groups (rare). I find wearing my earphones (even if not in use) makes it easier to ignore.

Though rather any of that than the horrible experience we had recently. Stones thrown at our backs by two older teenage boys, a couple of which hit. We'd taken a wrong turn into an unknown estate!

I posted about that in the exercise topic 'safety while running' or something.

I understand where you're coming from, OP. It's always men. The only time a women has interacted has been a female runner nodding or smiling.

It's completely unacceptable. It's not done to encourage at all. It feels like you're being watched and analysed.

When I see runners, males or females, I always think good on them but don't call out or stare. They'll either be focusing on their sport, or knackered or self conscious but they don't need any comment from strangers.

I must be missing something but I see it as encouragement. There are alot of people out there who try to run for exercise and find it hard.
Sometimes encouragement or acknowledgement from someone actually make them want to carry on instead of quitting.
Obviously tone is important, if it was said in a sarcastic way etc then that is different.

I am not one of them btw. My " running" tend to be on the treadmill and I leave walks for out in the open.😅

How the fuck is that making conversation? She's bloody running. What kind of conversation is she going to make??

I make conversations with people when I'm walking with my dog. A smile or when our dogs sniff each other a little query about the dogs and vice versa. That's fine.

Being stared at and commented on whilst running isn't being friendly or encouraging, it is predatory.

You are missing something. If you find it difficult and are puffing and panting then 'encouragement ' from a stranger will make you feel self conscious and not encouraged. Who the fuck likes being watched when they're struggling with something? Who the fuck enjoyed being watched when they're exerting themselves at sport?

And if you're a pro then why the fuck do you need encouragement from a stranger who is obviously not a runner?

So yeah, you are missing something.

@Vikinga Yeah you have a point if they are constantly watching you. I would find that pretty unnerving. But I'm assuming he just noticed her for a few seconds, gave encouragement and then he was off on his way.
Obviously not everyone needs encouraging, so the ones that don't, I would assume they would just ignore but the ones that need cheering on, it may be helpful to them.
No reply necessary either way.

And how many people do runners pass by on a typical run? And why do you think that they would benefit from someone they don't know, who doesn't know them or anything about their progress, cheering them on?

If it was a runner who they knew who had seen their progress then sure. Or even a friend who has seen someone start with just walking and progressing, that's encouragement.

A smile, sure. Everything else, for the majority of people is unwelcome. And as op says, it is always older men who aren't runners themselves. What does that tell you?

Have elderly women ever said "Oh, well done" or similar encouraging words to you when
you're out running?
Is it really JUST older men?

Would it bother you in the same way?

I have had elderly women walking their dogs say similar things like "I wish I could still run like that".

Nothing wrong with that IMO, but I guess any sort of attempt to engage would be harassment to you?

How do you know they're not or weren't runners themselves?

I wonder that too.

Oh my 87 year old grandad does this. He has alzheimers but is very sociable. When I've been out with him he will say 'you can do it' to runners and then give a little laugh, he enjoys sitting and watching the world go by. He means no harm. He's not allowed out alone so atleast if someone confronts him he will have family there.

I think maybe there is alot of overthinking going on. I would not really think too much about it. It's a throwaway comment for me as its from a stranger. Might make me smile for a few seconds but that's it. Would not think further.
Everyone is different though so I appreciate some people may not like it.
Although I do not understand some of the strong reactions to it.
There is alot of people on here with strong reactions. Makes me think I should not try to interact with anyone on my walk as it might offend them.
I do not ever voice encouragement to runners though but I have been known to say hello to others, or is a lovely day etc

Oh god, my dad does this (sorry). And honestly, yes, he pretty much only does it to women, and generally the more attractive ones. It's not just runners - it could be anyone out and about (just chirpy little comments about their dog, or their shopping, or whatever). I have tried to pull him up about it - to explain that some women feel threatened by it, and those who don't might well feel irritated and patronised. He just doesn't get it. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, that it's 'political correctness gone mad'. The way he sees it, he's just being friendly and jovial. I totally accept that there's nothing remotely predatory in his intentions - nor is he lonely or vulnerable - it's just his way. But my attempts to explain that this is one of the countless examples of every day sexism that women face, falls on totally deaf ears. One day someone will him to fuck off, and he'll deserve it tbh.

🤢