“Encouragement” from older men when I’m out running!

[Dubbin]

Out for a run in a local park today when I pass an elderly chap who shouts out “ooh well done!” . Now I know this isn’t the worst thing a random man can say to a lone female runner, BUT..... I have been a long distance runner for over 20 years, am now in my late 50’s, and run with confidence and ease. I don’t need encouragement; I’m not struggling! I’ve lost count of the number of (always older) men who feel they need to “encourage” me, and thereby distract me when I’m training. I always wear earphones but I can still hear them when they call out! I normally ignore them but today I stopped and asked the random man whether he “encourages” male runners too! He seemed taken aback and somewhat offended, but this (always male) behaviour has started to get on my nerves. The fact is they never do it to men. It’s always non-running men too; I’ve never had any problems with other runners who are male. What do the rest of you think? Am I over sensitive? Have any other runners experienced this and have you any advice?

I don't know if others have found the same, but I find we get even more 'interaction' from the men if we're wearing shorts rather than running leggings. That may just be coincidence...

The only time I've noticed an increase of unwanted attention is the time I go running.

At 6:30am, there are very few people about, although still too many cars on the road afaic. However, I get beeped by van drivers or comments from teenagers if I go later in the day.

I've asked dh whether he ever gets comments when out running. The only ones he gets are from teenagers who say things like "Get then knees up", or if he's cycling try to race him if they are with their mates.

Could we change the culture of cheering at races, organised fun runs, baby triathlon or even ParkRun ? All kind of strange people cheer you on. Gawd I hate it, puts me off organised events. Maybe ok from kids & adults with SN, but otherwise... I understand cheering the actual front runners & the very last few to come in, but for mediocre rather slow people like me, it's awful, cringe-worthy, possibly patronising, and presumably everything listed below (comments from this thread).

In comparison, if I'm just out for a jog by myself, I hear very few comments, and what I do hear, at least it sounds genuine & spontaneous, not perfunctory.

Actually I am friendly when exercising. I just hate being an artificial centre of attention.

why do you think that they would benefit from someone they don't know, who doesn't know them or anything about their progress, cheering them on?

If you find it difficult and are puffing and panting then 'encouragement ' from a stranger will make you feel self conscious and not encouraged. Who the fuck likes being watched when they're struggling with something? Who the fuck enjoyed being watched when they're exerting themselves at sport?

Being stared at and commented on whilst running isn't being friendly or encouraging, it is predatory.

It's completely unacceptable. It's not done to encourage at all. It feels like you're being watched and analysed.

When I see runners, ... They'll either be focusing on their sport, or knackered or self conscious but they don't need any comment from strangers.

It's almost a form of subconscious flirtation, I think. Not in a sexual way at all, but in an 'enjoying a benign bit of interaction with / attention from a woman' way.

I think you're probably right @Fairislefandango, but I bet they only do it with women they find attractive, which does give it a sexual element. Women they find attractive will get "encouragement" and women they don't will either be ignored or get insults.

Thankfully I run at quiet times of day in quet locations so hardly see anyone, and so far I've not had comments only smiles or nods from walkers or other runners. But I have had a couple of occassions of car horns directed at me...from male drivers of course 🙄And no, I wasn't in the road or about to cross when they beeped so it wasn't a safety thing

Although I do not understand some of the strong reactions to it.

How hard is it really to understand that women get cumulatively really pissed off by the countless little examples of sexism they experience week-in week-out throughout their whole lives? Once you see it, it's impossible to unsee it. The fact that you can't see it's an example of sexism doesn't mean it's not. @realfruit 's description of what her dad does (similar to mine) has it in a nutshell. It's not malicious. It's irritatingly, unthinkingly sexist. It's not just 'being friendly', otherwise they'd do it to men (and elderly or 'unattractive' women). It's an assumption that women they perceive as attractive are there for their enjoyment and will welcome their attention.

If you think that you (presumably a woman) politely saying hello to people is in any way comparable to a man offring comments or compliments to an unknown woman on her running, then I think you're either being a bit silly or disingenuous tbh. I say hello to passers-by all the time (normal where I live).

Oh yes, all those lonely old men are just more inspired to encourage women when the weathers' hot and as a result, you are wearing shorts. It is pretty much guaranteed to draw them out.

Motives will wary, but some of it comes across as permissive at times. Almost as if these men are giving their approval for you being there. There was a man walking with a woman who did it to me as I passed them the other day, and I did turn round and say to him "Would you have said that to a man?" and neither of them said anything back. It did seem really odd, it was a local park popular with runners and he must have been literally interupting his conversation constantly if he wasn't only picking out women to say it to. Equally, he was the only person out of a lot of people I passed that day who said anything.

I am a if I do say so myself. Really quite good distance and fell runner. I live in a pretty hilly area too. I often get “go on lass” or “good for you” etc when trying to hold a decent pace on a hilly long run or tearing down a technical decent on a hill as a recce. I’ve never minded it and actually quite like it…
I get it from men and women usually I’d say mid 40s and older

Maybe the fact that you are confident in your running abilities (and are no doubt in very good shape physically, especially as you're a fell runner - kudos!) makes you more at ease with people commenting on your running, @Lastqueenofscotland2 . Many women are worried, or even put off altogether when they consider running in public - either because they feel unsafe, or fear that they will attract unwanted attention or comments about their size, figure or running ability. I've often seen posts by MNers talking about this putting them off running.

I'm willing to bet my house that the things you've heard from young women directed at men are not 'worse' than the comments most women have to put up with. You've been very fortunate. Possibly because you run with men. When I'm with my adult son or partner I don't get comments. Very different when alone.

I am not sure about this one...could just be a lonely pensioner in his 80s who is just saying something positive to you. He does not mean is main purpose it to be patronising, sexist, leering.

Would be different if it was a guy obviously making a comment about what you look like/your body and using language like ''cheer up love''' or similar...

Maybe he just wishes he could still run and admires anyone of a mature age who still does.

I am a rabid feminist and I don't think it would bother me because it does not necessarily have a sexual/sexist/negative connotation.

I am often out of breath and probably look like a drowned rat after a horse riding lesson and I really don't mind anyone, man or woman, giving me an encouraging comment or smile.

I think there is a big difference between us challenging sexism, which is of course important, and forgetting that we are social animals too and that some people just crave a bit of human connection. That's why male and female pensioners often enjoy a little chat with supermarket and shop staff. It might be the only social contact they have all day.

Also what I don't get is if you have your headphones on and are concentrating on your run why/how do you even notice this? I just don't buy the fact that a pensioner is hollering so loudly that he disturbs you in this scenario.

How dare they say well done to you !!!

I am not sure about this one...could just be a lonely pensioner in his 80s who is just saying something positive to you. He does not mean is main purpose it to be patronising, sexist, leering.

Oh as long as that's not his main purpose,that's fine then .

OK I'll take it. Maybe having had different experiences may make people take things in a different way.
Personally around where I live, people have commented and complimented both sexes so I haven't seen that sexism happening.
The part of " hello" I was saying is that sometimes to make conversation, we acknowledge what that other person is doing and might comment on it. Obviously if done in a horrible way that's not nice but sometimes something like ' You are running, how are you finding it. Your doing well etc".
Obviously in full run mode, I probably wouldn't myself and if i did, I would not expect an answer as that is annoying.

When your running and expect to deal with niceties etc.
But my annoyance would maybe last a few seconds, that's it.

Well, yes. I do think how dare they sometimes. I go out for excecise ever day and I'm absolutely sick of being stared at and commented on. I just want to be left to mind my own business, like my son is and my partner is. I don't want to be made to feel self concious and as though I have an audience all the time, or be startled by shouting, or embarrassed by 'compliments'.
There's a huge difference between friendly interaction and intruding on a strangers privacy. The former is about a two way engagement that you judge is welcome, because the other person looks at you, makes eye contact, smiles. This is entirely different from deliberately attracting the attention of a woman who is not remotely interested in engaging, because she's concentrating, listening to music, thinking her thoughts. Men who do this put their desire to interact ahead of the right of the woman not to. Its entitled and its rude.

@5128gap perfectly put. What women lack is the right to be inconspicuous. Every 'friendly' man thinks only about his own one-off, harmless interaction. What he doesn't think about is that it might be the tenth 'friendly' comment that that runner has had on her run, and that she might have those same 'friendly' comments every single time she goes for a run. Men have the right to go about their business largely invisibly, unless they actively invite interaction - women (particularly young, attractive women) do not.

I was cycling behind a woman out running today until I passed her.

At no point did I feel any urge to shout "well done" or "keep going" or similar at her.

It would have been weird, thats why. Why on earth would you want to disturb a random stranger doing a sporting activity?

I'm a runner and a cyclist and I absolutely would have said something as I passed. It would seem rude to me not to.

They do. My DH used to get it when he was running (he stopped due to injury)

This isn't harassment. It is completely different from the nasty sexual comments that many women get. Lets not make something into something it isn't.

Every 'friendly' man thinks only about his own one-off, harmless interaction. What he doesn't think about is that it might be the tenth 'friendly' comment that that runner has had on her run, and that she might have those same 'friendly' comments every single time she goes for a run

Where on earth do you all live where this sort of thing happens on every run, and multiple times?

My son likes to do motorbike noises when runners run past.

I used to run regularly (not had time since having my 3rd child) but I never found anyone did this. My husband on the other hand is pretty fast and used to race up the hills on an app, he'd often say there was a random old chap either shouting encouragement or clapping so I'm not sure it's a female thing. I'm not as quick and haven't had any applause, I'm obviously not that impressive.

I feel quite self-conscious when out running so the last thing I want is to be "noticed", especially by non-runners. I want to stay in my safe, inconspicuous zone, which I'm jolted out of if a random person makes comments/honks their horn as I go past, far more so if it's a man doing it. Other runners or cyclists offering a quick smile, nod or wave in camaraderie is OK though.

Its definitely a male thing though in terms of who does it. Men may on occasion do it to other men, but I have never once seen a woman do it to anyone. Women may make an odd comment if they catch your eye, but I've never ever been yelled at across a street by a woman, or had a woman hang out of her van window to shout encouragement. No doubt people will say they have seen women shout at men, but if they have it will be very occasionally, not as an every day nuisance.

It's definitely always men making the comments. Prompted to comment again because last night I was running with my yoga mat carried over my shoulder (I was on my way to a class) and a workman stopped me and said he'd like to go to my exercise class with me . I only stopped because I thought he was trying to tell me about the route I was running because he was doing work on the road.

It's never female bystanders/drivers who make comments, shout or beep their horns when I'm running. I've had occasional nods or smiles from men and women fellow joggers, but rarely actually. Cyclists have never interacted.
Walkers are the friendliest bunch, when I'm also walking, I've found, and nearly always say hello.

Ugh. As if you would go to a yoga class with a random man on the street. These men obviously somehow think that women out running are somehow advertising themselves as available, because maybe their parents generation weren't used to seeing women exercising in public. Or something.

Saying hello to people as you pass them is fine, its the stupid comments that get made by these men, supposedly "encouraging". Erm, since you are the one running, its them that needs encouragement, not you surely!