How would you feel if someone asked you this question?

[coulditbeyou]

If you knew who their bio dad was?

The mum is long dead, and you were friends with her when your kids were both babies, 40 years ago.

Assuming you knew the answer, how would you feel about receiving a message asking the question, and how would you respond?

@Jenny0

I'm so sorry. That is quite a story and I'm not surprised you have struggled with it.

I am obviously not best placed to advise you, but I hope you are able to make peace with it all one day

I've messaged my aunt now.

I know some people think it's not something to ask a family member by message. Maybe I'm too impatient, or maybe I'm just a bit cowardly.

Two messages sent, and three people asked, all in one day. I've always felt a little guilty about putting my mums business out there. I feel like it's really out in the open now, that I want to know.

Thank you I think it's one of those things I will carry with me until I die.Ive had counciling and other help but think when your stuck with your thoughts it's a dark place to be.

Sorry my story was so long.

I really hope you find the answers you are looking for xx

If I knew, I’d tell them. It’s their dad! It’s also their right to know and you know so why wouldn’t you?

@Jenny0 .. I am so sorry to read your story and how much pain this has caused you. Sending hugs.

Sorry I didn't mean to hijack the op post but thank you x

No apology needed. Thank you for sharing.

If they will not misuse the information, then tell them what you know.

It might be good, though, to let the biological father know about it, though, (assuming you can contact him), so that if he is approached by his long lost child, it doesn’t come as a complete surprise.

A person deserves to know who their biological parents are, and you are doing a great favor to your friend to tell her who her real father is.

I hope she can give you something. Even if it's not a NAME she might be able to tell you something that builds a picture.

Good luck.

Wishing you well whatever happens, OP.

I would tell them if I knew I think. It sounds like they don't have many (any) other options, and it's something that they should know IMO. I don't think it's fair to risk them never finding out something so personal to them if it's just out of loyalty to someone who is no longer here, although, if there are other reasons you don't want to tell them, that's a whole other issue.

Yes, I’d tell the child and would be glad to be asked. OP, I hope you can get the answers you want.

No problem at all.

I really hope you find out. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I think you’ve been so brave and emotionally this is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever experience.

Good luck 🍀

It's good that you've asked your Aunt and Uncle hopefully they will know and tell you the truth.
It's not as though you're a child and when/if you do find out you can maybe do a bit of research into who/what your biological father was like before making contact, you do read that father's have settled in a relationship and made no mention to partners that they have children.
Is there any possibility that he doesn't know about you?

I've been told he does know about me.

You never know maybe he's hoping that one day you'll get in touch.
Not saying in anyway your mum did but I know of a few mothers that kept father's away from their child for no real valid reason

Possibly. But she's been dead nearly 30 years and I still live in the area. He could easily have found me.

But I suppose it rarely happens that way round. Maybe he thought it wasn't his place.

You say that you’ve been told he does know about you. Who told you that as surly they must know who he is.
I hope you do find out and get some peace of mind

One of my mums friends said she knew the name at one time, but couldn't remember it now. Another said my mum pointed him out to her when they were out once, but that's it. But at least one of them told me he knows.

If I knew I would tell them.

People don't go around randomly asking questions like that. They must know that there is a biological father out there and they don't know who it is. They deserve to know.

Obviously you would tell them. Why would you not. A selfish old hag did similar to me but she said in her opinion we were better off not knowing and his family would be upset. She just enjoyed having the power of other people's lives in her hands.

My aunt has read my message last night, but not replied I wonder if she has mentioned to my uncle yet.

Do you have her address?

write to her.

Wait for a couple of weeks.

if no, reply - ask your aunt and uncle gently

Missed update!

give your aunt time!

we are so used to instant responses on messaging.

but this is sensitive and you need to be patient