Bridesmaid drama's

[gemmalouise36]

I have 6 bridesmaids and have just found out that 3 of them aren’t coming to my hen do, 1 reason is because they don’t drink (but are ok in drinking situations) , 2 because of the money (yet they go away 3/4 times a year and are a blood relative), and the other one hasn’t given a reason but ive known her for 20 odd years, and she is going away for another wedding abroad the following month. Am I ok for being annoyed? Would you demote bridemaids for not being there for you or am I overreacting?

It’s next year, you’ve got loads of time for a rethink, no big deal. Definitely not something I’d get upset about as a bride. If you plan something cheaper that more people feel comfortable with and they cancel again, then it’s time to feel pissed off. The price of everything is rising and rising, it’s fine for people to get cold feet about spending money so far in the future as loads of people are struggling at the moment.

Only foreign 'hen do' holidays aren't everyone's idea of fun... You seem to have a very fixed (or limited) idea of what constitutes fun.

she did a bridesmaid proposal box? Yes, I think shes been watching one to many romantic flicks. She should value her friends for more than an expensive hen.

I was the bridesmaid who couldn’t afford the hen abroad recently and it was shit. A lot of guilt and ‘there’s loads of time to save’. If I saved £400 I’d use it to take my two small kids away. Why do people have hen dos abroad then get mad when people can’t come?!

Maybe I'm old and anti social but I would be very very unlikely to go abroad for a wedding let alone a hen do. What a waste of money, especially when everyone is having to tighten their belts.

I wouldn't go to a hen do abroad but I would of said no straight away because I wouldn't be able to afford it.
Maybe they felt pressured in the moment and felt like they couldn't say no. I think YABU

Agree with you on cake & coffee..that sounds pretty shit. 😅

Bride is very self involved to be upset. They might have liked the idea of it but really who wants to spend a holiday abroad celebrating someone else's wedding. Just go out for a drink like people used to 10 years ago, your wedding is not a national holiday.

This.

@RingBinderInjury I'm in my 30s and I share in your WTF. Totally with you.

Why would anyone want to go on a holiday to celebrate someone else? I always bail on destination hens and weddings. I politely pretend to be all disappointed not to make it but secretly decline because I think these types of 'holidays' are self indulgent and annoying!

Nothing wrong with organising a holiday with mates but it's weird when it happens 'in celebration' of someone. I'd never be narcissistic enough to expect someone to get on an aeroplane just to celebrate meeeeee.

Loads of us hate them but are too polite to say so!

A foreign trip will likely cost no less than £1000. Most people have better things to do with their money than spend that sort of money on a hen do.
I would not dream of expecting anyone to spend that sort of money or take days of their holiday for me.

I just think it is self absorption.

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I think you are spot on with this comment. I'm particularly frustrated as before the jubilee party where we all made the plans a poll went up on our fb page. It was asking people to vote on a destination UK, or other abroad options. They all picked abroad except for me. I picked UK for all the reasons people have said on this thread..money, kids annual leave, pets etc. So when I got to the jubilee party I was the only one that voted uk, it was there I was persuaded into going abroad. Tbh I'm really looking forward to it now but it does feel EXTREMELY frustrating

Perhaps there needs to be a rethink of destination - though perhaps even then they won't attend.

I get it's frustrating but going abroad will take annual leave and money and I can see why some have decided they just can't or don't want to attend now - pity they weren't more like you OP and thought it through before hand and talking you and bride into it.

However there's bound to be fall out with any demotions from bridesmaid so I'd avoid that.

No sorry shes BVU - people have lives and other things to save up for that hen dos abroad.

She has covered the expense of everything for us bridesmaids, when she asked us she gave us lots of little gifts. The dresses, table place, food, and nights stay before the wedding is all being covered by her. They were fully involved in the planning of this Hen, and no one batted an eyelid at going abroad (except me tbf, I don't have alot of money, have kids and work commitments) but I knew how much it would mean to her if I didn't go.

I would never go to an abroad or expensive hen, but actually I think the BMs have behaved quite badly.

I think she should demote them, they shouldn't get free hotel stays, food and dresses if they're doing fuck all for the bride.

When I read stuff like this,I always want to know if they're doing a poem asking for money as a wedding gift.

Destination hen dos are unreasonable. What happened to a night out somewhere?! Demoting bridesmaids because of it smells of bridezilla.

Stick a veil and L plate on. Go for a curry get smashed go for a dance. Job done. Do it old style!!

You mean all the things she’s supposed to pay for as the bride?

I didn’t have a hen do for this reason. They always get out of control with people demanding stupid amounts of money to go abroad and pay for tonnes do activities. Can’t people just stick to a single day or evening or not at all? Its ridiculous what people expect when they get married. There’s pressure to go on an expensive hen do, then new outfits, then gift to to the couple, travel etc. It’s getting so out of hand.

YABVU. If they don’t want to come, they don’t have to. They don’t even have to give you an excuse. Either change your plans or go without them.

I think that the bride in this case is being very, very unreasonable! Who nowadays has 6 bridesmaids, she is obviously not paying for the wedding herself? If she chose a foreign destination for her hen do she can’t expect everyone else to have the unlimited funds that she does.

Also, those saying ‘Oh it’ll be a right laugh’ not everyone’s idea of fun is dragging yourself abroad to drink cocktails. People enjoy very different holidays, and a hen do with potentially people you don’t know who will all be very different can be stressful .

My friends son is getting married in a couple of weeks.

They are both highly paid professionals in their late 30's.

They both chose to have their hen/stags, one hour from home in a nice hotel for one night do.

My friend told me they both had a large group of old friends attending and they made it super affordable so that as many as possible could make it.

They both had great nights.

More and more often all I hear is that these do's are a dose and people of both sexes are allergic to the pressure they are put under to attend.

The bride should suggest a localish inexpensive night away, if attendance is her priority.

@Estieisafriendofmine

is it? Why?

The dresses, table place, food, and nights stay before the wedding is all being covered by her

This is all bog standard. The bride isn't doing them a favour with this.

@Aguanatural

”dragging yourself abroad”

lol!

some people really do hate travel on here and don’t like to leave the uk

I think it's really unfair to push people to travel
Abroad for a hen do unless everyone wants to. If I were the bride rather than getting shitty about it I'd suggest a night away in the UK or even just a great night out. There may be loads of reason the bridesmaids don't want to go.

It sounds like the bride is more interested in the event than the people.
I also think it's outdated to get the bridesmaid to pay for the bride. It's one thing if it's an evening out but to do it when you are travelling overseas isn't on. It's granny and cheap