Bridesmaid drama's

[gemmalouise36]

I have 6 bridesmaids and have just found out that 3 of them aren’t coming to my hen do, 1 reason is because they don’t drink (but are ok in drinking situations) , 2 because of the money (yet they go away 3/4 times a year and are a blood relative), and the other one hasn’t given a reason but ive known her for 20 odd years, and she is going away for another wedding abroad the following month. Am I ok for being annoyed? Would you demote bridemaids for not being there for you or am I overreacting?

The bride could still have a lovely do here, that has plenty of luxuries, for less cost than a trip abroad. It doesn't have to be cheap like coffee and cake (wtf ?), just not as spendy and full on as a holiday abroad. It could still be nice meal/decent hotel etc. Might be a nice compromise and more palatable to the bridesmaids and bride.

As others said a hen abroad is costly in time and holiday plus for many sitting out childcare etx

if your friend the bride (and yes we hare reverses /swapping roles) wants her 6 it needs to be U.K.

I haven’t said that people need an expensive hen do abroad.

What I have said though is that the suggestion of “coffee and cake” is absolutely woeful and I’d be sacking off my pals if they wanted to do that for me HEN DO! No way

How ungrateful. ‘Sacking off your pals’ for putting on something for you that they have zero obligation to do. Nice friend.

@Aguanatural

omg lighten up!

I wouldn’t literally sack them off! But I wouldn’t be impressed either. Coffee and cake is zero effort and very sedate and boring for a hen do. Its a pathetic hen do effort.

Even the most martyr- ish, conservative, hen - do hating mumsnetter can see that surely?!

p.s im a great mate. Never had any complaints.

You haven't heard the half of what that particular poster expects/ed for her wedding. Boggles all round

I don’t agree at all. But then, I don’t subscribe to this ridiculous wedding crap where brides demand to be treated like royalty for weeks on end. It’s just a hen do. And is completely respect whatever my friends did for me, especially in the current financial climate. To expect people to shell out loads of money on you just because you’re getting married is insanely selfish to me.

@gamerchick

go on then….what do I expect for my wedding that boggles your mind?

I think you’re referring to it being a child free wedding which I know does blow some peoples minds on mumsnet!

How dare I?! don’t I know kids make a wedding, weddings are all about faaaaaamily, etc etc. Zero fucks given here! 😊

It's all very well saying they agreed to it at the Jubilee party - it's easy to agree to things when you are caught up in the excitement of a social event and real life seems miles away. The fact is that in the cold light of day, for their own reasons they have decided it's not for them. They aren't springing it on the bride at the last minute, they've given her over a years notice.

within my own social circle we often make big plans after the third glass of wine or cup of tea - people just get carried away with excitement and bonhomie. Any plans made under those conditions always get checked on a few days later in the appropriate WhatsApp group.

@Aguanatural

expecting something a bit more special than Coffee and bloody cake is not ungrateful or expecting to be treat like royalty!

a good night out with some extra special/thoughtful touches would suffice.

surely you would want to do that for your friend? I do it for mine. I do know on mumsnet though that many hate nights out and socialising, they’d rather be at home in their Pj’s

Stop banging on about women on MN, if you don’t like the other women here, why are you on here?

I have friends who don’t know how they’re going to cope this winter. Would I expect them to be providing ‘nice little touches’? No. If they suggested coffee and cake the. Yes, I would be happy with that because the fact they’ve organised anything, paid for it and are spending time with me is lovely. Couldn’t give a shit about going out for the night, it’s about celebrating together. You Clearly think that alcohol is needed to have a good time, so you do you. But it’s a real shame that you seem to think that the only way to show someone that you care is by booze and flashing the cash.
There are much nicer ways to show someone you care about them. So yes, I’d be happy with coffee and cake if that’s what my friends wanted to do.

@Aguanatural

Ditto! you do you babe 😊

oh and it’s not that I don’t like the women on here. As you say if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be on here. I especially like the feminism boards/chat. Sometimes there are a few things though that I find odd - like the whole never wanting to go out especially at night, and always wanting to have cozy night with ‘my little family’. That stuff I don’t get admittedly

I had coffee and cake

and teapots

was afternoon cream tea

and those who wanted bubbly had a glass

then closest friends down the pub in evening

was just what I wanted

@Blondeshavemorefun

that’s great if it’s what you wanted 😊

Please don’t call me ‘babe’.

ans just because you don’t understand something, don’t like it, doesn’t mean you get to criticise it. People are different. I can’t drink due to medical reasons so I don’t do nights out often because drunk people are unutterably boring, nothing more annoying that drunk people. Just because it’s not for you doesn’t mean its wrong or boring. You don’t get to tell other people they’re miserable because something isn’t your thing. A bit less judgement is always welcome. Good night.

Childcare issues? Simply not wanting to be away from their kids? Needing to take annual leave? Cost?

All reasonable reasons.

Is the wedding local to these people or are they going to have to pay out for hotels etc then as well?

Did the bride pay for the bridesmaids dresses?

Personally I'd hate to spend a weekend away with a group of people I don't know well when I could spend that money on something I'd really enjoy.

Tough. They shouldn’t have agreed to it but equally with cost of living on the increase you can see that people can’t manage it

The fact everyone voted for abroad does make it very re

Honestly some people just don't have the money for a trip abroad even if it is for next year. My hen do was a local night out with friends. Everyone had a blast and everyone came! Why do people make such a big deal about trips abroad now? It's about your friends celebrating you getting married. You asked them to be your bridesmaids for a reason. Quit being a drama Queen!

@Aguanatural

Night

Oops - I posted too soon.
The fact it was voted on makes the bride very reasonable to be annoyed.
However, at my wedding I honestly would never have expected my bridemaids to pay for going abroad. Whatever happened to a hen do being a nice night doing something fun without all the mad expectations.

Tbh I was just grateful that was allowed to happen

been cancelled twice due to covid restrictions

my close friends and family together helping me celebrate

tbh wouldn't have mattered where and what or was

its who was there

Just message the bridesmaids if they'd be willing to go a night out in the local town for the hen night. Or don't go out but do a fun workshop. Or a high tea or bbq at one of your houses and make it into a little bridal shower idea with a small gift per person. Or just a dinner where everyone brings a card with the best memory that they have of the bride and a picture of them both.

A lot of people can't really afford (in money, energy, annual leave or baby sitting reasons) a piss up abroad. This is what happens, they pull out. So just don't do it. Make it an easy event to attend. It doesn't have to be this big thing.

Now it seems you are expected to dedicate a year of your life to the bride & her special day.

yes, it’s become such a thing. It does make me wonder about the boring tedium of many people’s lives that they have to make such a to do about a hen night and a wedding day. In some ways, it’s quite sad.

I wonder if some of the ott, bridewell type nonsense is on the way out. DS (late 20s) is getting married in a few months and everything is very sensible - they are the first of their circle and hoping others may follow. Church service, sit down reception, no party for other guests, 1 grown-up bridesmaid, bride and her friends are having nice day out then dinner, ds and friends are doing similar. No favours - they are making a charity donation.